I was born many years ago in a small log cabin on a distant planet and rocketed to Earth in an experimental interdimensional transport when my home world was completely destroyed in a war between opposing multiversal empires, so that they could have a place to park their spaceships. At least, that’s what my mother used to tell my wife, along with offering the telephone numbers of some good divorce lawyers.

I started writing fanfiction when I got tired of the various idiots responsible for the series I loved screwing them up in so many different ways, and resolved to show them how things should have been done. All of the authors I described are apparently so embarrassed that they can't bear to actually speak to me and attempt to apologize for their mistakes, since I haven't heard from any of them, since I started showing them how it should be done. Oh well, I can wait.