Review of chapter "Prologue" from ForeverAndEver
You've set yourself up with a difficult task here- you seem to be claiming that Blossom is Harry, only female, but her personality and way of speaking don't bare much relation to Harry's. You've given her a different name, and a different upbringing. She's not Harry. I think it would be far easier if you were just to say something along the lines of "What if the Potters had had a daughter instead of a son?" Because then Blossom's characterization wouldn't have to match Harry's- she could be exactly what she appears to be- an original character.
The writing itself was a bit choppy, but shows potential. One thing that could improve it would be to use fewer passive verbs (ie instead of "he was doing this," write "he did this.")
Review By [ForeverAndEver
] • Date [1 Dec 06] • Not Rated