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Review of chapter "Epilogue" from LadySybyl
Fun. Liked it.
Review By [LadySybyl] • Date [30 Jul 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Epilogue" from (Current Donor)DeepBlueJoy
Really intelligently written. Really enjoyed the first six chapters a lot. Haven't seen too many decent Jake/Buffy combos and this is the first one with CSI. Interesting combination.

My biggest quibble: I would have liked an epilogue that focused on life after death for our happy couple and told us what happened with Jake and Buffy (if anything). Chapter seven, I kept expecting you to come back to our primary characters... was more disconcerting because I had NO idea who any of those people were in chapter seven.

Even a couple of paragraphs of Tim and Tyler and Buffy and Jake would have been a nice way to anchor the story.

That said, I really like how you drew the characters. The story flowed pretty well.

Other than the superfluous 'his dead *gay* boyfriend', the first six chapters worked really well. *his* combined with 'dead boyfriend' pretty much makes the 'gay' part clear. Used the way you used it, it almost sounded like a pejorative and I'm certain that wasn't what you had in mind.


Comments from author:
Many thanks for the review. Both of the points you touched on were conscious decisions on my part, and it's interesting to see how they didn't work for you.

I didn't want to tie things up much after the big fight, which is why Speed and Tyler get just a passing mention. Using CSI:Miami canon that Tyler is replaced by "Dan Cooper" and letting readers fill in the gaps for themselves seemed like the way to do that. It allowed me to wrap up the inobvious things -- what the CSIs know about Tyler's departure -- while not having to mention that Buffy and Jake go back to doing what Buffy and Jake do. I didn't want to touch on them any more than that, largely for fear of ending up in a PWP that just didn't seem to belong here.

The "dead gay boyfriend" thing was also deliberate, but it was intended to be not so much pejorative as emphatic. The following is to an extent post-justification: when I wrote the words, the Tyler in my head insisted that "gay" belonged in the phrase and I just went with it.

I hope I managed to get across that Tim and Tyler are somewhat emotional opposites. Tyler is open and easy-going, and would have been OK with their colleagues knowing about their relationship; Speed on the other hand is a private person who didn't want anyone else to know anything much about his private life. This makes Tyler's reactions to Speed's death hard; he would have wanted to mourn publicly, but Speed wouldn't have wanted that, so he can't. The emphasis that Speed was gay is one of the claims Tyler can make on him, at least in his own head.
Review By [(Current Donor)DeepBlueJoy] • Date [27 Sep 12] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Epilogue" from BrownFinderth
Rad wrote a pretty good story!! I enjoyed reading it!
Review By [BrownFinderth] • Date [17 Jan 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Epilogue" from serenityselena
great story ^__^
Review By [serenityselena] • Date [2 Feb 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Lunch Reprised" from TwoBlackDragons
"Individually, nothing. I even dated a marine for a year," Summers said, a little wistfully, rubbing the back of her neck.

He was an Army Ranger.
Comments from author:
My mistake. In my defence, I don't imagine Buffy remembers the difference.
Review By [TwoBlackDragons] • Date [29 Jun 10] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Epilogue" from Gideon
Nice work hanging the crossover on the common actors, you made it work better than I expected! It was cool to see them all working together even if some of them weren't quite sure what they were doing. I loved the nanites triumph of science over demonic magic when Jake got cut, and then there was a happy ending too. Aww.
The Roswell supercrossover that you ended on was really awesome too. I would love to see a story about Liz in the SGC. Confusion and secrets would abound. If anyone could bring the royal four in from the cold it would be SG1.
Comments from author:
Every now and then I poke the guy who tossed out that plot bunny, but alas he is too busy doing Science! to have much writing time any more.
Review By [Gideon] • Date [25 Jun 10] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Epilogue" from ncatt
I actually read the first half of this ages ago and must have missed it when you finished.
Still I'm glad I finally got to read it all, well worth the wait;)

Nice that you included all the six degrees of separation references.
As for what comes next, I can see Tyler and Speed going to work for the slayers as either crime scene techs or researchers.
Review By [ncatt] • Date [22 Oct 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Epilogue" from Ansku
Good fic :) I'm only familiar with Buffy and Jake, but it didn't really matter :)
Review By [Ansku] • Date [9 Dec 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Epilogue" from (Past Donor)Ponder
EDITED REVIEW. Original review date, 2008-03-14, Rhyming Review Day. Removed list of fixes and made review public.

The Powers That Be
Of our fair fanfic site
Told reviewers to rhyme
So I’ll try it tonight.

Your grammar is pretty good,
I see very few vices.
You have one little problem:
Watch out for comma splices!

The authorities have stated
That splices are verboten.
They’re quite easy to fix;
Replace the comma with a semicolon.

I hope you don’t mind
These corrections that I’ve offered;
Please take the time to fix
This great fic that you’ve authored.

This missive is left private,
Hidden from others’ view;
Later I’ll edit out the fixes
And display this nice review.

Find your original lines below
Alternated with my corrections,
Scattered comments here and there,
And few if any objections.

I’m offering this help
Because your fic is worth the time.
I don’t do it for just anyone;
I'm now done with this rhyme.


Chapter 5:

> "Azrafel," the others corrected without looking up.


Even other characters who are mundanes
Correct Buffy’s usage of supernatural names. :)

Although I thought I was done at the time
I've yet to stop these cute little rhymes.

> until Tyler made them both sit in the back.

> no merely physical being can wield it.
The stage is set; your forshadowing sealed it.

I believe I know now; I can see the way
How the ghost of Tim Speedle will save the day!

I'll rhyme until I die or drop
These awful rhymes are hard to stop.

> Tim reached down his ghostly, heart-achingly non-physical hand
> and took up the sword.
Tim was the incorporal one in this band
He figured it out and deserves an award.

Amidst all of this rhyming that I have chosen to wreak,
I knew that was coming, and I swear I didn't peek. :)

> "You can touch me," Tim breathed.
Oh you author, what have you weaved?

Unwittingly resurrected by a demon's dead priest,
A fitting reward for the former deceased!

This unseen new plot twist was certainly a treat!
My prognosticating power will admit to defeat.

The plotline's main ending was touching and sweet.
You must write a sequel; please don't retreat. :)

The review is now done
My attention starts to wander
There's one thing left to do,
and that's sign this review

*** Ponder
Comments from author:
It makes my heart glad that my little creation
Stayed one twist ahead of your prognostication.

I thank you for all the kind words that you wrote,
And that my most regular sin you did note.
Some commas shall go when my schedule permits,
Though such plans shall be slow as reality hits.
But some I defend, for though small be the tweak,
They better portray how these folks really speak.
They run on and stutter, restart and abort,
Misquote and rephrase things with never a thought
To accurate grammar. Such things always seem
Unnat'ral to Buffy and others, I deem.

So thank you again for your words and your prod.
I'll bid you goodnight now, and sign myself


Edit: fixed all of them except the one I talked about in the other comment.
Review By [(Past Donor)Ponder] • Date [6 Jun 08] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Tyler's Lunch Break" from (Past Donor)Ponder
Original review date: 2008-03-15. Beware the Ides of March. :)

Oh that is soooo cool you responded in rhyme! And now I'm glad that day is over so I don't have to anymore. That was _hard_. :) You don't want to know how long I sat there composing. I even ran it past my beta. :) Please let me know when you do get around to making the fixes, and then I'll edit my earlier review so both of our poems get shared with your readers who dive into the reviews. :) If you edit any of your responses, I'll get a new email.

All of the comma->semicolon changes I listed were _just_ to punctuation, not to your characters' wording. It's possible to transcribe what they say using proper punctuation, even if the speech itself is rife with bad grammar. When speaking, the characters certainly aren't thinking about how their sentences are punctuated; that's the transcriber's job, i.e. the author's. :)

A "comma splice" never exists in spoken conversation, no matter how poor the spoken grammar might be. It's only found in print, and when in dialogue, it's just an artifact of picking the wrong punctuation to transcribe what was said. When spoken aloud, it isn't even improper grammar in the first place, because they are two complete sentences in their own right, not fragments.

*** Ponder
Comments from author:
I know what you mean about the rhymes. I pulled out my rhyming dictionary (Willard Espy's "Words to Rhyme With"), and that hasn't happened in a while!

I'm afraid I'm going to disagree about comma splices never existing in spoken conversation. In pure punctuation rules that may be true, but punctuation is no more immune to perceptual changes over time than grammar. It's another layer of overload on our few poor punctuation marks. Let's take this as a working example:

"And all shall bow before him; yeah, yeah, heard it all before."
"And all shall bow before him, yeah, yeah, heard it all before."

I contend that these are representations of different ways of saying this sentence. Certainly if I was reading them aloud (something I do every so often), I'd read them differently. In the first case, I'd breathe at the semicolon; in the second, I wouldn't breathe at the comma. I know that the semicolon is supposed to be only a greater separator in terms of concepts, but it has acquired a physical reflection of that in pretty much mandating a pause as you speak it. In this case, and with run-on sentences in general, I very much want the sense of running on (because that's what the character is doing). A semicolon won't do that, and to my mind renders the transcription inaccurate.

(Arguably their ought to be more quote marks around the first part anyway, since Buffy is quasi-quoting every B-movie villain going!)

Now some of the run-ons you picked up on shouldn't have been run-ons, and thank you for pointing them out. Quite a lot of them should, however; when I listened to the character saying those sentences in my head, there was a strong sense of continuity to them that made me choose a comma. If it hadn't been spoken I would have chosen a semicolon -- in fact, I have a tendency to overuse semicolons, which probably goes with my tendency to overuse commas :-)

As I didn't manage to say very well in my rhyming reply, I'm not going to have time to do fixes for a while. I'm going to be a very busy bunny up until early May, so I can't promise to go through things until then. Sorry about that, but real life is very insistent at this point.
Review By [(Past Donor)Ponder] • Date [15 Mar 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Epilogue" from Javian
There was action aplenty,
and surprises to boot.
Seeing the characters get along,
Or not, was a hoot.

Nice fic.
Review By [Javian] • Date [14 Mar 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Epilogue" from windrider
Well in keeping with the rhyme
Glad to see the story have and end time
Was afraid it had went the way of dodo
But alas not it just was like Frodo
Long time between beginning and end
Thanks for finishing it my friend
With all that I read in the epilogue
I must know sick the attack dogs
More of this fic story line I attend to acquire
or at least that is my desire
With fond wishes and happy
Hope this was not to sappy
So now I end this spiel
Before everyone needs to read my will.

Comments from author:
Alas, this sloth in writing skills is caused by lack of time.
I would 't were not, for it instills emotions such as thine,
And I can but apologise for this annoying fault;
Perhaps I should, if I were wise, post nothing 'til I halt.
Of storyline's increase you ask. I fear I answer 'nay'.
The characters fulfilled their task and have no more to say
At least to me; but should another know what should be said,
Why then, my sister (or my brother), blessings on their head!
Review By [windrider] • Date [14 Mar 08] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Epilogue" from periskyye
I've really enjoyed reading this story. I like the way ou wove the different shows together.
Review By [periskyye] • Date [14 Mar 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Epilogue" from SlowMercury
Since Buffy and Foley were fighting
A demon that Tyler found fright'ning
Dead Tim saved the day
In a last minute way
And they all found the experience enlightening.

(Hm. That was more of a summary than a review. Try again.)

I really enjoyed chapter six,
The characters and problems they fix;
But I'd've rather heard more
Of the peeps from before
Than of aliens who left life in the sticks.

(And... all in all, I love this story. Great job. You definitely get a gold star.)
Comments from author:
My thanks!
This ranks
As a review
That will definitely do!
Review By [SlowMercury] • Date [13 Mar 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "What Eagles Dared" from thecrystalkey
Awesome. I love this story.

Especially awesome: "Librarians are the dangerous ones." and "google Earth"

Looking forward to more.
Review By [thecrystalkey] • Date [24 Feb 08] • Rating [9 out of 10]
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