LOL ROTFL!!!!! Oh, oh dear. That, that was terrific! And, yes, only Xander could try to get out of the supernatural business only to end up right back into it. 'Course, the Scoobies didn't deal too much with ghosts so this would be a new experience for him. I hope you write some more - the reactions (from both sides) would be priceless!
MavenAlysse
Review By [MavenAlysse] • Date [26 Jun 08] • Not Rated
First, it's always better to show than tell if you're doing more than a ficlet. Showing a gradual decline of appreciation is better than having every character accuse Xander of being worthless.
My second point ties into the first, character changes. If you want to change a characters personality it is always better to start out with the baseline personality, then put the characters through trials and experiences that would change their would view. What changes am I specifically referring to in your story? Here's a list:
1) Buffy, Willow, and Giles considering Xander worthless and trying to manipulate his life post S3 after he proved how useful he could be when he came up with the plan to take out the Mayor.
2) Buffy, Willow, and Giles wanting to stake Spike while Xander doesn't. To me this seems like a complete role reversal, because in the show Xander was the one who didn't trust Spike but the others said to leave him alone as long as the chip was working.
3) Xander and Spike being friends. Need some more explanation than male bonding on this one.
4) Spike not being upset that people still consider him a threat. Spike was really depressed until he learned that he could hurt demons because no one thought he was a threat.
Like I said, I'm not attacking the changes themselves, I'm pointing out that in any future story you write you should explain how changes like this came about. Stories that do this are much better in my opinion because it feels less like an author slapped a well known name on an original character and more like the logical evolution of a known character given the situations they have been placed in.
Finally you never had Xander mention they were going to New York before Spike asked why they were going to New York, and you should never have "talk""talk." These were probably just some editing errors and are easy enough to fix though.
All in all not bad for your first fic. Not great, but not bad either.
Review By [Dragonhulk] • Date [3 Feb 07] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Heh, heh... okay the pranks were great and then the ending - priceless! You going to continue this at all? The reactions of the Sunnydalians? the meet and greet with the Ghostbusters and the X and S show? Could be fun is all I'm thinking...
I liked this! I loved when Spike and Xander blew up the Sunnydale sign though I wish we'd seen Willow and Buffy's reactions. That stuff in the foundation was just evil. I'd like to see more of this story.
Review By [SusanAnthony] • Date [2 Feb 07] • Not Rated
lucidity
MissingAuthor
