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Review of chapter "Chapter One" from rhymneyfaries
Amazing! Can't wait for the sequel. :)
Review By [rhymneyfaries] • Date [23 Jul 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from littleoldme
I love this story- the idea of Chase and Cordy being related is one I've seen before, but you made more of an effort to make it feasible without changing the canon than any I've seen before, and I gotta respect that. As there always is in this kind of thing, there was some suspension of disbelief necessary (Chase is 30 when he's working for House, and Cordelia died at 21 or 22, so if they were babies together, she died a very long time ago; Chase wouldn't have an Australian accent if he'd spent his formative years in America; etc), but for the most part, I can see how this fits in with what we know from both shows. My biggest beef canon-wise is that though Chase claimed not to care about his father, his actions on House showed something very different, and he also admitted that he spent a long time caring when he was a kid, so Cordelia saying that Chase didn't care about his father seems both unperceptive of her, and contrary to the House canon.

As for the writing itself, this was beautifully written, and I loved the look at their childhoods. My only complaint was that the voice- though wonderful and distinct and a pleasure to read- just didn't sound very Cordelia to me. It was a little too lyrical, too introspective, not blunt enough, and didn't have the kind of plays on language and unusual formation of phrases that's typical of Cordelia. Some of this you can ascribe to her being an ascended being- it makes sense that she would be more lyrical and introspective, but at the same time, I wanted something more CORDELIA out of this. For example, I can't really imagine Cordelia using the word "spunk" to describe herself. Cordelia also never uses phrases like "you see"- that's just stylistically very un-her. Cordy demands that you see. She assumes that you see. She offers explanations only when needed, and then rolls her eyes at the fact that you need them. If she says "you see," it's undoubtably to deliver some kind of sarcastic line, not to deliver a simple truth. You have some Cordeliaesque moments in there (like the "I'm a spirit, hello," which probably would have read closer to the right tone with an exclamation mark), but they're tempered by the phrases that seem more out of place with the character we've seen- even the little things, like "one another," throw the voice off from the way Cordelia sounded on the show. The voice in this is very straight forward (telling the reader everything, leaving nothing to be discovered in tone or from reading between the lines) and eloquent, and neither of those things jive very well with canon Cordy to me.

I was also a little confused by the way that Cordelia appeared to address the audience- things like "you see" and "what, you say?" and "but what about our moms?" actually seem to interrupt the flow of your story more than they help, and I can't quite figure out who Cordy is addressing, or why she'd be addressing them. If you're going to include this kind of POV in your story, it needs to be motivated by something, and with fanfiction characters, that's a hard sell in most cases.

Anyway, it's a good fic, and you're obviously a talented writer, but those were the things that struck me. I'm sure other people will feel differently!
Review By [littleoldme] • Date [17 Mar 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from PrincessTai
It was good, I like it and I would enjoy one in Chase's POV
Review By [PrincessTai] • Date [17 Mar 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Rhyssia
Would be interesting.
Review By [Rhyssia] • Date [17 Mar 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from JediClaire
I like this story and I will like to see a sequel soon.
Review By [JediClaire] • Date [17 Mar 07] • Not Rated
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