Large PrintHandheldAudioRating
using
 paypal
Twisting The Hellmouth Crossing Over Awards - Results
Rules for Challenges

Patchwork

StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking
Review of chapter "Chapter 10" from LetsRandom
Review:
I thoroughly enjoyed this story and I hope you eventually come back to update the sequel.
Review By [LetsRandom] • Date [26 Aug 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from VampireConfuser
Review:
I'm really, really enjoying this story. I do have to say though, I think Giles is acting like a complete idiot, letting people study the Slayers (especially the Luthors), trusting a man who was his friend during his Demon Summoning days? But still, love the concept, and loving the story.
Review By [VampireConfuser] • Date [5 Aug 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 10" from Lisette
Review:
Wow... your story has kept me captivated for the last few days, and I'm glad that I stumbled upon it. I think it's the most well-written BtVS/Smallville crossover that I've come across, and I thank you for sharing it with us.

My complaints, however few, revolve around some jumpiness in the storyline. Most of the story was very well-fleshed out and very detailed, while other parts seemed off-kilter because they seemed to come out of nowhere and didn't contain enough information. For example, the silver-infected kryptonite part of the story. I think you relied too heavily upon whatever episode this followed in canon and expected too much of a knowledge from your readers about this episode. Yes, I saw it - but years ago. I was left feeling entirely confused by the whole incident. Clark was infected by silver kryptonite? By who? When? Why? At one moment Buffy is listening into a conversation between Lana and Lex, and the next she's standing in between Clark and Lana. When did she leave the hallway? When did Lana leave the hallway? Where was Lex? What happened to him to make him scream and where was Buffy at this point? That whole part of the story felt very disjointed - which was an anomaly in comparison to the rest of the story. I noticed a few other places like this throughout the story, but this one is the most prominent in my mind.

Next I have a suggestion. You killed Giles, and shame on you for that ;p, but you did it in such a way that to be honest, I didn't feel a whole lot of emotion. To be honest, it all came out of the blue. Giles had been mentioned as being in Smallville at the beginning of the story, but then we never hear from him again. When it's casually mentioned that someone was going to fetch him from his room somewhere towards the end of the story, I was so stunned that he was there as he was never once mentioned before that. One minute he's the furthest from our thoughts, and then he's mentioned in passing, and then he's been turned into a vampire. Giles is a major player in the BtVS universe and his death should be shocking and carry import - but in order for that to happen, he needs to be involved in the story. Next time you kill off a major character I suggest spending a little time on him - develop him fully into the story, strengthen and focus on the bond that character shares with others - and THEN kill the guy. You did a good job of heightening the emotion at the very end, when Buffy kills him, but the death could have had more impact if Giles had been a part of the story from the beginning - or at least said a few lines. ;p

Next - Xander. A little more back-story on his eye surgery could have been beneficial. I was confused when all of a sudden he was in the hospital getting a transplant, because from the earlier conversation with Lex, I had no idea that the treatments were considered pre-op and not the deal itself. Also, how could no one have noticed his absence? Again, Xander is a major player, and a few more scenes focusing on his connection with every one else could have greatly emphasized the impending loss that his death would bring. He was much more in the story and emotionally involved than Giles, but some more would have been great - back story, focus on Xander, etc. Since the majority of this story was told from Buffy's POV, to drive home this emphasis the scenes should involve her bonding with the character that you're going to off.

That being said, you really did write a great story. As I said, the plot line felt disjointed in places, and as though it was rushed and missing important details, but you wrote the characters well. You did a great job of getting into Buffy and Clark's heads, and I liked your portrayal of these characters. Dawn seemed very whiny and immature for where she should have been in life - more of season 5 Dawn than the Dawn we see in season 7. Willow seemed pretty accurate, as well as what we see of Xander. You did well with Chloe and Lex, and while Lana seemed a bit OOC and harder than in canon, I didn't mind this change as it kept me hoping that you would be making this a Buffy/Clark pairing.

I look forward to reading your sequel, and thanks for putting this out for people to enjoy. Remember, take your time with your writing, fully flesh out the plot and don't add stuff unless it's important to the story - and if you're going to make a devastating blow against your main character, MAKE it a devastating blow. Make us feel the loss by highlighting the character's importance. Make that character a real part of the story and less of a side-note.

Thanks for posting - and here's to the hope for a Buffy/Clark pairing in the sequel! ;p

BTW: the proper spelling of Dawn's nickname would be Dawnie.
Comments from author:
Holy mother of crap that's a long review. I had completely forgotten about this site... I posted here a long time ago.

Anyhow, when I wrote this, it was for the Smallville fandom, with Buffy in it. I based it largely off the Smallville canon, and had the episodes and the episode summaries in the other window the whole time while I was writing it. Unless you know Smallville canon really well, then it doesn't make sense.

I know, obviously, that this was not a great idea, especially when I posted it (as a second thought) on a Buffy site. When I wrote this, as well, I just had so much going on in my head, all these ideas, and plots and how it would fit in with Smallville canon, that I wrote it in a huge hurry before I forgot it all.

The sequel (I'm just warning you!) is even more so, because I knew exactly where I wanted it to end up, and was just having trouble getting it there. You'll notice that it's incomplete. That's 'cause the fic started to confuse ME to the point where I had no idea what was supposed to happen next. If that's not bad writing (or at least bad planning) I don't know what is.

About Giles: I never really got the hang of writing about him, and I was so obsessed with the Buffy/Clark dynamic that I kind of forgot about him until it was time to kill him off. Bah. I suck. And then you get to the point where you're too frustrated to go back and rewrite.

So! I'm doing Smallville fanfiction now, and I'm wrapping up a fic that I've been working on for a while (I dunno, it might be on this site too) called Antipathy, and then I might be starting another Buffy/Smallville crossover. If people start bugging me I might even finish Hellmouth.

Maybe.
Review By [Lisette] • Date [27 Sep 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 10" from DeviousNarcissus
Review:
Wow, that turned out dark. I started reading this story thinking it would be another fluffy, pointless Smallville crossover. You almost made me cry when Xander got hopelessly sick! Beautiful blending of lighthearted fun and angst. I'm about to start reading the sequel.
Comments from author:
Thanks for a great review! I always want to write a fluffy fic, but I seem to be completely incapable of making my characters happy.

Eventually, there will be a happy ending. I think.
Review By [DeviousNarcissus] • Date [22 Apr 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 10" from justapiranha
Review:
I can finaly truthfuly say I have read both of your Emerald Enchantment seires. Of course I trult loved both of them so far. What i'm realy hopping for in Hellmouth is a Buffy/Queen match up but i'll just have to weight and see.
Comments from author:
Thanks for the comment! If you're itching for more fanfiction, you can always wander over to fanfiction.net, there's a whole bunch more there. I just posted, early this morning, the beginning of a new Superman Returns fic.

Of course, I have to keep reminding myself that this is a Buffy centered website. So far, I've written Smallville/Superman ff with dashes of Buffy.

If you're interested, though, my username is aforgottenwish over there also.

Thanks!

Kymmi
Review By [justapiranha] • Date [21 Apr 07] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 10" from (Past Donor)Mari
Review:
Wow, this was tragic. Not tragic in the so-bad-it-was-a-waste-of-time-to-read way, but in the way Buffy the series actually was; there were lighthearted moments, but, well, life often is quite, quite sucky and sad. Spike crazy, Giles vamped, Xander sick . . .

I was very impressed with your details. Tying the Gem of Amarra (spelling?) to kryptonite was brilliant. It makes perfect sense, and I never, ever thought of it until you wrote it.

Hee--I do have to agree with Buffy. I never really did quite see what Clark saw in Lana.
Comments from author:
Thanks for your comment! The Gem of Amara and Kryptonite... well, they're both green, and that's good enough for me.

What actually gave me the idea was that the Kryptonite often seems to give people, as they're dying, some sort of ability that they wanted. Vampires are dead, and of course, they want to be invulnerable.

I'm glad it wasn't a waste of your time to read :D. Comments like yours remind me that it wasn't a complete waste of time to write.

Kymmi
Review By [(Past Donor)Mari] • Date [19 Apr 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 10" from londeaux
Review:
Pretty good. Any plans for sequal? I was thinking it could take place before and after Clark leaves for his training. See how "Superman" becomes involve in this universe.
Comments from author:
The sequel is in progress, and it's posted on fanfic.net... let me find a link:

http://www.fanfiction.net/~aforgottenwish

It's called Hellmouth. It takes place in season 5, and starts during "Tomb".

Thanks for your comment!
Review By [londeaux] • Date [9 Apr 07] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 10" from mithrilandtj
Review:
I like your story. The beginning of the next part was a little confusing, though.
I hope you post it here soon. I hate ff.net, too many pop-ups.

PS: Dawn's nickname isn't "Donny", it's "Dawnie". Donny is a boy's name, as in Donny Osmond.
Review By [mithrilandtj] • Date [20 Mar 07] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 10" from purrfus
Review:
Thanks for the note about a sequel because this doesn't really have a conclusion, and I would like to know what happens.
Comments from author:
You can visit the work in progress at fanfic.net, but I'll be posting the completed version here as soon... well, as soon as its completed.

Thanks for your comments!

Kymmi
Review By [purrfus] • Date [20 Mar 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 4" from purrfus
Review:
Xander with the green glowing... meteor rock?

Very interesting take on last season Buffy, and good conversation and behavioral explanations between Lana and Buffy.
Review By [purrfus] • Date [20 Mar 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 1" from purrfus
Review:
Poor Spike.

Fortunately there are more chapters so I don't have to wait too long to find out what happens.
Review By [purrfus] • Date [20 Mar 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 1" from SilverSand
Review:
There's no story. The summery is quite interesting, please check back and repost your story.
Review By [SilverSand] • Date [19 Mar 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 1" from Mcspender
Review:
¿?
Review By [Mcspender] • Date [19 Mar 07] • Not Rated
StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking