I would like to introduce you to Miss Buffy Summers. She is in Slytherin but I hope you will be friends with her." He looked at her reaction. Buffy just smiled at her. "Please don't think she's evil. She was placed in Slytherin because she is the slayer. It's just the magic that she hold's put her there." --------------------------- Whoa, now. I tried to ignore the many grammatical errors and spelling mistakes but now you're toying with things too much. Dumbledore, of all people, would never excuse Buffy for being a Slytherin because of 'slayer magic' and that she is not 'evil'.
I want to encourage you to closely examine your story and either find a beta or go over your story several times for before posting it. If you do that and flesh out the story you could have a fun fic. Just put some more time into it.
Needs a little work. Try reading the story aloud to yourself and hopefully it will help you with the "flow" of the story. This is an interesting idea though if you are willing to improve on it and try to make it work.
* Hogwarts is a boarding school, not a “bordering” school. * It’s “11 years of age,” not “11 years of old.” * If Hogwarts was an hour away from London, the Hogwarts Express would not an hours-long journey to the Hogsmeade station. * While Buffy *can* be a derivative of Elizabeth, Buffy’s name from birth is Buffy Anne Summers in canon, not Elizabeth Anne Summers. What fan fiction author started this, I have no idea.
There are numerous other errors (mostly grammatical), but that will do as a starter list. The flow of the story is also rather choppy.
You badly need a beta reader and greater command of the English language.
Review By [JanessaRavenwood] • Date [28 Mar 07] • Rating [3 out of 10]
Fritolays
Luna
