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New Place, Same Fight

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Review of chapter "Trust" from AllenPitt
Review:
shouldn't she get her wand? ..... Does she know much about demons from DADA class? Presumably Dawn will get an idea that something's up and offer to help? 'cause she probably knows more about demons than any of them... also she's the Key & probably has lots of power she doesn't know how to tap into (I bet she could use a wand) ---
Review By [AllenPitt] • Date [6 Jan 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Trust" from Thedruid
Review:
This could be a good story, but get a beta reader and correct all those bad sentance structures, it's distracing when I have to figure out what you meant to write every other sentance. Just running it through the spell-checker isn't enough!
Review By [Thedruid] • Date [6 Jan 08] • Rating [3 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Trust" from chajalive
Review:
I think you should continue this story, but it would be a good idea to have a beta read through it before putting it on the website.
Chaja
Review By [chajalive] • Date [6 Jan 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Trust" from readerboy
Review:
Good start, nice setting... the story goes a little faster than needed, take your time to set the character and their environment.

That said, you need a beta, I had difficulty reading your story because of the numerous errors in your writing, i.e. here instead of hear, and you need to check on your use of the present and past tense in your sentences, it's hard to read otherwise. You should continue writing this story as it is interesting and I haven't seen one like it yet.

Good luck
Review By [readerboy] • Date [6 Jan 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Lin
Review:
I think the story could be interesting, but it still needs a bit of work...i think you need to be a little clearer in the part where Jess was hurt, i had to reread it a few times and was still not entirely clear on what happend and how. i Also think you should work on giving us some more information about Sam and Jess (are they oc's???) before you introduce the scene where Jess is hurt...i want to have a feel for the character and their personality before a scene like that can cause any emotion in me as a reader. Perhaps tell us a little more about the school aspect, show us some character development through the friends interaction at lunch or in class....
I think this story has potential to be fantasatic if you give your characters and plot a bit more depth...some more details you know...SHOW us instead of telling us.
Review By [Lin] • Date [19 May 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from theweirdchick
Review:
Awesome story. Is there going to be a sequel to this??? I hope so.
Review By [theweirdchick] • Date [19 May 07] • Not Rated
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