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Dawn of the Jedi

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Review of chapter "Chapter One" from arkeus
Review:
Very well written, kind of sad that it is all, though :/
Hum...i always thought willow too could take power from the earth?
Comments from author:
Thank you for the review.

I know in canon Willow is Wicca and draws power from the earth. But her behaviour plus her manner of learning always suggested to me that she was a sorceress; Tara seemed a far more accurate representation of the ideals of Wicca and goddess-worship (although I freely admit my limited knowledge of the subject).
Review By [arkeus] • Date [10 Jul 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from amusewithaview
Review:
There can be only one! *coughs* Sorry, yeah, that's what your last line made me think of. Well that and the likelihood that since there are only TWO of them one has to go bad for there to be balance... and it's late, ignore my insane ramblings.

I liked this, it was quite interesting and unique. It would be cool to read more... especially a nice little confrontation between a powerful!Dawn and those oh-so-pesky knights we all know and hate. *Shakes Head* Fanatics are creepy.

Danke for sharing your lovely little fic!
Comments from author:
Thank you for the review. Glad you liked it.
Review By [amusewithaview] • Date [10 Jul 07] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from (Past Donor)JoeHundredaire
Review:
I didn't even get halfway through this story before stopping. From the top to... well, like I said, I never even made it to the bottom...

1.) We don't care where you came from. Most people don't really care if you do colour or color. Nor do the moderators here count it as misspelling as far as enforcing the rules.

2.) Buffy did, Dawn did, Buffy did, Dawn did, Buffy did, Dawn did. That doesn't look very interesting, does it? But that's essentially what the second scene is. Try to break up the beginning of your paragraphs. Dialogue, then someone performing an action, then a name. Example:
"Wow." Xander whistled in disbelief.
Buffy looked at Dawn.
Nodding, Dawn looked at the dead demon.
It makes it a good deal more visually interesting.

3.) You slip into third person omniscient by the third scene, because the first part is definitely from some Scooby's POV but then you're inside the monk's head as soon as he wakes up. Not good.

4.) The monk goes off on a ramble that goes on for a loooong time. That's about when I gave up, because I really couldn't find myself caring and at that point... why keep reading?
Comments from author:
Thank you for taking the time to comment.
Review By [(Past Donor)JoeHundredaire] • Date [10 Jul 07] • Rating [2 out of 10]
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