Not bad, but it reads like a first draft, or a story published without first being sent off to pre-readers. A revision with an eye for clarity and dialogue would do the story a world of good.
Review By [Wise] • Date [16 Jul 07] • Rating [5 out of 10]
It was sweet. And the conversation wasn't too long. A little more physical description of the space people are standing in, maybe.. that's about it. Looking forward to seeing what you do later on -- who will flirt more with Tonks (if she is there at all)- Xander or Willow?
Comments from author:
Thanks, yeah I only thought about surroundings afterwards. So I hope to do better next chapter.
Review By [VillageOrchid] • Date [16 Jul 07] • Not Rated
Interesting premise but you need a beta, or to look over your own work and fix up the punctuation errors. This is not meant as a 'flame,' just some constructive criticism. You have a lot of nice characterizations going - especially Willow and Andrew, you just need to invest a little more time in combing through for the little mistakes.
Danke
Review By [amusewithaview] • Date [16 Jul 07] • Rating [10 out of 10]
