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Tomodachi ni Au

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Review of chapter "House Party" from Marikalay
Review:
I really enjoy this little line of stories. Keep up the good work.
Review By [Marikalay] • Date [5 Jan 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "House Party" from Rune
Review:
Pretty good, a bit choppy, but you did say they were scenes and not chapter of a story. I challenge you to cross this with both Sailor Moon and Ranma 1/2 too. Bring in the Slayer, her friends, the Senshi, and at least Ranma (as a girl or boy)(But if he is in girl from he may be mistaken for a Slayer. That could be fun) or you could bring in the enter Nerima Wrecking Crew. Thanks for writing and have fun!
Review By [Rune] • Date [12 Jun 10] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "House Party" from Obsidian
Review:
Very interesting story. Ties things up nicely , thanks.
Review By [Obsidian] • Date [2 Apr 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "House Party" from KatieKat
Review:
hey sorry I was out of town for a week but i loved the story hun *smiles*

Katie
Review By [KatieKat] • Date [10 Oct 07] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "House Party" from magik
Review:
Love the crossover bit! ...and the party! There's more depth to the chapters...very nice!
Review By [magik] • Date [2 Oct 07] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Watashi-tachi Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon!" from darkmagician
Review:
One question! Where are the others? Amara (Haruka), Michelle (Michiru), Trista (Setsuna), and Hotaru? I hope they get to meet the others. BTW, It's Moon Gorgeous Meditation, not Moon Goddess Meditation. Cheers!
Comments from author:
Oh, they'll probably all meet up. Thanks for correcting my mistake, I never got to watch the Super Sailor Moon eps when I was a girl, they hadn't dubbed them yet (and I wasn't interested in subs when I was younger). The site I got the info off told me it was Goddess *shakes fist* lol. If you're interested, there's a new chapter up now.
Review By [darkmagician] • Date [27 Sep 07] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Watashi-tachi Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon!" from link
Review:
Hiro, Hiro. I thought it's nice when he's saying thank you, but then his mouth has a life of it's own and ruin everything! So, the Scooby made allies with Sailor Moon. It's good when the annual apocalyse approach. It's been such a long time since I read Sailor Moon. I'm crazy about them back in my school days. Brings back beautiful memory. I can't believe it's a long time ago.
Comments from author:
Lol, I used to LOVE Sailor Moon when I was a little girl, I watched it before school every morning, so it's a real pleasure to write about them. Thanks for reviewing, the next chapter's up now if you want to read it.
Review By [link] • Date [27 Sep 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Watashi-tachi Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon!" from Drix
Review:
I love this. Usagi is sooo sweet she's practically a candy. really in character wit Hiro too. Please update soon.
Comments from author:
Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. The next chapter is up now.
Review By [Drix] • Date [27 Sep 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Don't Let It Fester" from magik
Review:
Yep, I think I Like! Nice job! Loved the interaction...
Comments from author:
Lol, I'm glad you liked it. I had a lot of fun writing it. If you're interested, I've posted another chapter.
Review By [magik] • Date [25 Sep 07] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Don't Let It Fester" from darkmagician
Review:
Good story. I'm glad Willow was able to tell an almost complete stranger her problems. She and Saki have really bad points in their past that are quite similar, together the two of them should be able to overcome their problems. I don't know if you should make them a couple (if you were thinking of it), because I think Saki should be with Shishou.
Comments from author:
I'm glad you liked this story, it was fun for me to write, if a little challenging because of the subject matter. However, ever since I found out about Saki's past, I felt the need to write a story in which she gets over the guilt. This is the stepping stone on that path. I don't think I will be making Willow and Saki a couple, Willow after all already has Kennedy.

If you're interested, there's a new chapter up.
Review By [darkmagician] • Date [25 Sep 07] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Don't Let It Fester" from KevinSchultz
Review:
Technical note on writing dialog – much of the words you use to surround your dialog is redundant. For example:

"I didn't get that feeling when I met her," Buffy disagreed.

The use of the word ‘disagreed’ is redundant. We already know that the speaker has disagreed with the previous sentence: the words in the quotes contradict what was just said. There’s no reason to explicitly tell us what you’ve already fully shown. Another example is a redundant use of identifiers Consider the following:

She glared at Xander. "Thanks a lot."

"I live to serve," the carpenter replied, shoveling down his dinner. "This is good."

We already know that the dialog is aimed at Xander; you said so with the ‘glare’ remark. Stating “the carpenter replied” is redundant, as it is assumed that the person being talked to responds. If someone else (such as Willow or Buffy) replied instead of Xander, then this would be worthy of note. But she didn’t, so you don’t need to explicitly state what the reader can easily figure out for themselves. It breaks the flow of the story if you tell the reader something they’ve already figured out, and feels like the author is beating the reader over the head with descriptions for no good reason. The question to ask is “does the reader already know this? If so, why am I telling them again?”

In general, the word to use is “said”, which is so ubiquitous that most readers just have their eyes pass right over it, and allows them to get more immersed into the story. Otherwise, a good idea is simply not to use any ‘talking words’ at all, and let speech patterns and the rhythm of the dialog let the audience know who is talking to who. Exceptions would be words that describe volume or tone, such as “muttered”, “yelled”, or “whispered”. We can’t get volume from dialog (except if YOU YELL IN CAPS), so those work fine as well, as long as you don’t use too many of them. An example from your story is the "'Buffy, sit down!' Dawn pleaded" line, as 'pleaded' adds information about Dawn's tone of voice that we didn't know beforehand.

One possible reason to use “responded” or “agreed” is to purposely disrupt the rhythm, or the beat, of the conversation. In general beats end up being some physical action that occurs within the context of the conversation, such as Xander shoveling food into his mouth. However, most of your beats are simply restating the fact that the people are talking to each other, which we already know.
Comments from author:
Thanks for such a wonderful critical review. It really helps when I get these sorts of reviews to further my own writing. I only wish my old English teachers were as thorough, lol. I've made the edits you suggested, and I hope I've done better with the next chapter.

Is it too much to hope for that you enjoyed the chapter even with the problems in it?
Review By [KevinSchultz] • Date [25 Sep 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Don't Let It Fester" from KatieKat
Review:
Interesting. are you gonna have Willow and Saki get together? *grins*
Comments from author:
I'm not sure, I don't think so. Willow has a honey ^^. I'm glad you liked this chapter.

If you're interested, there's a new chapter up.
Review By [KatieKat] • Date [25 Sep 07] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Don't Let It Fester" from link
Review:
Buffy have strange waves, is it because she already went to heaven? Nice chapter.
Comments from author:
Partly, yes. But it's also partly because she's a Slayer. Methinks Saki will soon realise the similarity between Tohru and Buffy's waves...

If you're interested, there's a new chapter up.
Review By [link] • Date [25 Sep 07] • Not Rated
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