Review of chapter "Chapter One" from
BuffyKaibaHuntReview:
Awesome! Simply very brilliant. I like it! :)
Review By [
BuffyKaibaHunt] • Date [25 Sep 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from
KiwikatipoReview:
Short and sweet. Wistful tone to your story - nice.
I can tell you're just starting writing because you've fallen into an easy trap. Make sure you don't repeat words.
eg, His car was 'ready' and it was the end of summer so he was getting 'ready' to leave.
Try istead something like His car was nearly fixed at the garage, summer was ending, it was time for him to start preparing to leave Santa Clara.
Review By [
Kiwikatipo] • Date [27 Sep 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from
JanessaRavenwoodReview:
It's Santa Carla, not Santa Clara.
EDIT: Sigh. It's a fictional city. See:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lost_BoysComments from author:
I have never been sure because there is too many named alike in California. I will triple check and fix if needed.
Review By [
JanessaRavenwood] • Date [26 Sep 07] • Not Rated
