Large PrintHandheldAudioRating
using
 paypal
Twisting The Hellmouth Crossing Over Awards - Results
Rules for Challenges

Stolen Moments

StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from BuffyKaibaHunt
Review:
Awesome! Simply very brilliant. I like it! :)
Review By [BuffyKaibaHunt] • Date [25 Sep 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from (Recent Donor)Kiwikatipo
Review:
Short and sweet. Wistful tone to your story - nice.

I can tell you're just starting writing because you've fallen into an easy trap. Make sure you don't repeat words.

eg, His car was 'ready' and it was the end of summer so he was getting 'ready' to leave.

Try istead something like His car was nearly fixed at the garage, summer was ending, it was time for him to start preparing to leave Santa Clara.
Review By [(Recent Donor)Kiwikatipo] • Date [27 Sep 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from (Current Donor)JanessaRavenwood
Review:
It's Santa Carla, not Santa Clara.

EDIT: Sigh. It's a fictional city. See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lost_Boys
Comments from author:
I have never been sure because there is too many named alike in California. I will triple check and fix if needed.
Review By [(Current Donor)JanessaRavenwood] • Date [26 Sep 07] • Not Rated
StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking