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Review of chapter "Chapter One" from BuffyKaibaHunt
Awesome! Simply very brilliant. I like it! :)
Review By [BuffyKaibaHunt] • Date [25 Sep 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from (Past Donor)Kiwikatipo
Short and sweet. Wistful tone to your story - nice.

I can tell you're just starting writing because you've fallen into an easy trap. Make sure you don't repeat words.

eg, His car was 'ready' and it was the end of summer so he was getting 'ready' to leave.

Try istead something like His car was nearly fixed at the garage, summer was ending, it was time for him to start preparing to leave Santa Clara.
Review By [(Past Donor)Kiwikatipo] • Date [27 Sep 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from (Current Donor)JanessaRavenwood
It's Santa Carla, not Santa Clara.

EDIT: Sigh. It's a fictional city. See:
Comments from author:
I have never been sure because there is too many named alike in California. I will triple check and fix if needed.
Review By [(Current Donor)JanessaRavenwood] • Date [26 Sep 07] • Not Rated
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