Review of chapter "Chapter One" from BuffyKaibaHunt
Awesome! Simply very brilliant. I like it! :)
Review By [BuffyKaibaHunt
] • Date [25 Sep 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Kiwikatipo
Short and sweet. Wistful tone to your story - nice.
I can tell you're just starting writing because you've fallen into an easy trap. Make sure you don't repeat words.
eg, His car was 'ready' and it was the end of summer so he was getting 'ready' to leave.
Try istead something like His car was nearly fixed at the garage, summer was ending, it was time for him to start preparing to leave Santa Clara.
Review By [Kiwikatipo
] • Date [27 Sep 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from JanessaRavenwood
It's Santa Carla, not Santa Clara.
EDIT: Sigh. It's a fictional city. See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lost_Boys
Comments from author:
I have never been sure because there is too many named alike in California. I will triple check and fix if needed.
Review By [JanessaRavenwood
] • Date [26 Sep 07] • Not Rated