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Half Smile

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Review of chapter "Half Smile" from (Past Donor)Starbug
Rather than just stating that I think this a horrible story, I decided to at least explain why: everyone is so out of character and two-dimensional that you could just change the names and call it a work of original fiction. At no point do you explain why Riley left the military/Initiative, god divorced and suddenly decided he liked guys. The same could be said for Mr Parker, but he is so OOC that we can just pretend that he has the same name as the Super-Hero-Known-As-Spider-Man.

This story reads like a snip-it of conversation between two gay men that you overheard one day and decided to try and turn into a story. While I'll admit that I've been known to use real life events in fiction, I at least try and get the characters right.
Comments from author:
I appreciate you both taking the time to both read my fiction and explain your reasons for disliking it, instead of, as you said, just stating that you think it's horrible. I am sorry that you disliked it.

You're right too, when you say that at no point do I explain why Riley left the Initiative, got divorced and suddenly decided he was gay, but I have to say that I never intended to (nor do I think one can suddenly decide that they are gay, but that's taking things to a completely different area). The events leading up to this story are in my mind, immaterial; including them would result in a much longer story and make the tone completely different to what I was aiming for. I was going for a light-hearted-bordering-on-twee tale with the feeling that Riley isn't destined for the happiness and normality for which he yearns.

I tried to imply that the Initiative ended badly, as did his marriage, and left it up to the reader to fill in the blanks. I like to read fiction that doesn't spell out every last detail and leaves something to my imagination. Maybe in this case, I credited the reader with too much imagination and should have included a little more.
Review By [(Past Donor)Starbug] • Date [6 Oct 07] • Rating [1 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Half Smile" from PrincessTai
>>> women who could kick his ass…
Aww Riley, so he finds a smart-ass guy who could do it.
Well at least Peter isn't 'One girl in the world'. He's not a girl. And there are tons of spiders out there :-P

It was super cute :-D
Comments from author:
Thanks for the comment; I did this off the top of my head because I couldn't be bothered with my ongoing story so I'm pleased you took the time to read it. Thanks again
Review By [PrincessTai] • Date [3 Oct 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Half Smile" from purrfus
Poor Riley. When it rains it floods.
Comments from author:
I can't seem to depict Riley 100% happy. This is about as close as I have come. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Review By [purrfus] • Date [2 Oct 07] • Not Rated
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