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Discovering the Chappa’ai

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Review of chapter "Chapter Three" from Iceflame
Review:
You've got my attention here. Hope to see more soon!
Review By [Iceflame] • Date [11 Oct 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from SpacedCadet
Review:
So far, very good, but I have a slight problem with some of the dialog:

1-“Wow, never thought I would speak to him,” Buffy said to Faith. “But apparently when he was sworn in, he saw the most interesting video file… one which contained footage of the Initiative debacle. Apparently the Joint Chiefs are keeping an eye out for us.”

I can't see Buffy saying "debacle", it just doesn't sound like her. Buffy would be more likely to say "mess" or even "disaster", but the only member of the group who would sound natural saying "debacle" would be Giles.


2- You have Hammond referring to "the military" as "they". As a general, this is a seriously false note. I could see him referring to the government or Joint Chiefs of Staff as "they", but the military as a whole would have to be "we"!
Review By [SpacedCadet] • Date [6 Dec 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Three" from Intermundia
Review:
This series is very interesting. You have a slightly different take on events than found in similar stories & it does a lot. Be careful with explaining too much too fast, though. Many stories seem to exist solely to describe how the crossing over would work. Literature gives you a good oversight. Give me some details here & there; I'll puzzle together the big picture. Everything shouldn't be explained. That's the joy of active reading. Unveil instead of reveal.

It's also fascinating that the large amount of dialogue keeps me hooked. I can't understand why. I don't do dialogues, I've never written a creative dialogue.

Anyhow, if you keep writing, I'll keep reading.
Review By [Intermundia] • Date [12 Oct 08] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Three" from kyzhart
Review:
Nice. Very nice. I like that they're are verifying it's so them. I can't wait for Buffy & Faith to run into Graham.
Review By [kyzhart] • Date [4 Oct 08] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Three" from theunixer
Review:
I like it.

Gen. Hammond worrying about the President being compromised is valid, given Stargate history.

Graham Miller (correct spelling) would learn about Buffy and Faith being there and would certainly want to see Buffy. He was supportive of Buffy being at the Initiative, unlike Forest. Actually, Graham was a Marine, not Army, at least that is what Rielly called him.

I hope you do up Buffy and Faith's sparring session as a total surprise with complete shock on the parts of Gen. Hammond and SG-1 (with Security camera footage making the rounds?). What I really want to see is that they actually crack the very highly reinforced concrete walls of the Gym with their flying bodies as they manage to hit each other at some point, whereupon they just get back up and continue, with feral grins on their faces as they do so. They also move so quickly that they are mostly blurs while in motion. It can be explained as both having been enhanced even further when all the potential Slayers were called.
Review By [theunixer] • Date [3 Oct 08] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Three" from RevDorothyL
Review:
Makes sense to me that Gen. Hammond would keep his suspicions about the President's odd behavior on the QT, along with having his most trusted subordinates do their own research.

Looking forward to the next chapter, as always. Any chance Capt. Miller may appear further in the story (he may not have been the Slayer's bestest good buddy in canon, but at least he knows the score a bit better than the SGC does at present. Oh, well!)
Review By [RevDorothyL] • Date [3 Oct 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Three" from Bobboky
Review:
cool
Review By [Bobboky] • Date [3 Oct 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Three" from (Past Donor)FireDragon
Review:
I think he should probably add that they do not want the girls finding out that they are being spyed on. Though they are probably expecting that. They have rather broken the trust they gave them when they only wanted 3 people to know about them. As far as wondering why the girls are there, didn't they mention the prophecy in the prior chapter? I could be mistaken.
Review By [(Past Donor)FireDragon] • Date [3 Oct 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Three" from clarityfades
Review:
Interesting chapter...I'm glad the SGC is worried about the President having been compromised, & why Buffy & Faith are there. It just seems a little disjointed from the last chapter. Also, it seems like Buffy & Faith are also being a little too trusting, I'd expect them to keep some things to themselves, just to keep themselves safe. Which would be good considering the NID. I look forward to reading more.
Review By [clarityfades] • Date [2 Oct 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Three" from cmdruhura
Review:
The SGC is checking out Buffy and Faith, but are the girls doing some mystical checking out of their own such they are fully aware of what the SGC is doing? Buffy alone would be too paranoid about the military not to expect them to do what they're doing and have arranged some way to find out exactly what.
Review By [cmdruhura] • Date [2 Oct 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from Thedruid
Review:
Fairly good so far, but SGC and B and F are becomeing far too chummy too quickly, and your glossing over parts of the story needlessly. Most obvious of which is the video that was shown to everyone one. Yes, it's there, people are watching it and we get their reactions, but we don't hear a single detail of the video itself. Was it a bunch of experiments the intative ran, clips of the mass battle at the end, video logs of the scientists and debrifings, what? Also, Fraiser hasn't even given B or F a basic exam yet, and everyone is taking this at face value. Granted, only the top brass are hearing this right now, but no comptant commander takes accepts things without proof, if only the word of trusted people. And you already metioned that Hammond was wondering if the President and joint chiefs are compromised or not.
Review By [Thedruid] • Date [2 Oct 08] • Rating [3 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from RevDorothyL
Review:
Very glad you're conyinuing with this story!
Review By [RevDorothyL] • Date [2 Oct 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from Bobboky
Review:
interesting
Review By [Bobboky] • Date [2 Oct 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from clarityfades
Review:
Great update! So glad the muse cooperated. I'm liking Buffy & Faith's interaction in this, & that they both are joining the SGC (I'm guessing the "observer" status will become more active sometime soon.) I like the idea of the Chosen Two battling together, like the short time they got along in season 3. Hope the muse keeps producing plot bunnies!
Review By [clarityfades] • Date [2 Oct 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from kaleecat
Review:
This is quite rushed, and a lot of details that would round out the narrative & explain actions/reactions better are getting missed. I will also agree with the one reviewer who pointed out that a crossover with Stargate needs to meet a little higher standard of realism than one with HP or AB.

Two Stargate points of contention (others have already quibbled with the security clearance):

When the girls find Daniel's article--Daniel *never* wrote that aliens built the pyramids, his detractors (hecklers) came up with that. Daniel's original presentation was on the cross-pollination of seemingly disparate cultures and languages as evidenced by the pyramids. These theories are part of what helped him decipher and open the stargate.

In the car, when Maj. Davis is telling the girls about who is on SG1 he should continue to properly refer to Jack, a superior officer, as Col. O'Neill. Concurrently, Davis would also be certain to refer to Daniel as Dr. Jackson. Davis was always careful to give credit where it is due & given Daniel's multiple PhDs (and front line experience) he certainly has earned the right to the title and respect.
Review By [kaleecat] • Date [2 Oct 08] • Not Rated
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