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Xander the Warlock

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Review of chapter "Dark Star Rising" from Vassago
Review:
Short and it feels very rushed. Chapter one, two, and three all feel that way.

Chapter three also feels very...unrealistic. You seemed to change from it being a serious, or somewhat serious, story to a complete comedy. Xander somehow knows he changed permanently, despite only a couple of changes happening, you don't really go into depth about how he's been changed when you could have easily done just that.

Why did Cordelia change and why was she chasing/trying to hurt Xander of all people? It doesn't make sense, at all.
Review By [Vassago] • Date [27 Aug 09] • Rating [5 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Dark Star Rising" from CPTSkip
Review:
Lol! This would make a great cartoon. It reminded me of a Tom and Jerry cartoon, actually. I must admit, Cordelia as a cat-girl is a pretty sexy mental image. But having a tail must really mess with the flow of her clothing. Lol!
Review By [CPTSkip] • Date [5 Dec 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Dark Star Rising" from LFW
Review:
Interesting to have Cordelia to change back from the pool
Why was she chasing Xander in the first place?
Comments from author:
Ok she sees him as responsible for getting her changed.
Review By [LFW] • Date [4 Dec 07] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Dark Star Rising" from Bobboky
Review:
:( I like this one
Review By [Bobboky] • Date [4 Dec 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Body count" from Bluesnowman
Review:
Interesting.
Review By [Bluesnowman] • Date [25 Oct 07] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Body count" from angelkitty
Review:
okay i have racked my brain and i figure out what the heck they are soooo WHAT ARE THEY????? good story and cant wait to readmore
Comments from author:
Hint #1 the Selonians were a part of the Saccorian Triad and the Neti had a Jedi Master that "sacrificed" himself on Ossus.
Review By [angelkitty] • Date [24 Oct 07] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Body count" from AscendedWarrior
Review:
An interesting little fic you've posted here... but there are a couple of things that I would like to point out to improve the story...
1) Chapter length, the first and second chapter, each of these felt like a single paragraph, while a chapter does not need to be exceedingly long the way you currently have the two in question is too short.

2) Describe what is happening in more detail, in other words show more and tell less.

I hope this advice helps you somewhat in improving your writing, but if you feel that I'm spouting nonsense (which I may or may not, I have yet to decide) then Ignore it... well if nothing else this is my two cents.

P.S. Nothing beats the Eldrich Thruge from the complete mage. :P
Review By [AscendedWarrior] • Date [24 Oct 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Body count" from purrfus
Review:
Strange and yet...

I know nothing about the crossover, but chose to take a chance because I adore the mayhem potential of Halloween fics. After reading the first two chapters I went and read the reviews and your responses, and then went back and read the chapters again. Its still not quite working for me as a reader. Because it is not one of the better know fandoms, at least for this site, the cross presents its own special benefits and challenges. Brevity, especially in the beginning doesn't seem the best choice to start off the scenario you have presented.

Some of the choices made in the storytelling don't make sense to me as an observer, and while your note that more details will be forthcoming helps a little, providing detail in the future only works if the story snags and holds onto the reader in the beginning. The present timeline seems to indicate information regarding the crossover and Xander's alteration might be imparted to the reader during a sharing session with the Scoobies. That scenario is definitely the more difficult to pull off. If that is the plan, I hope the final version meets your vision.

Good luck with this.
Comments from author:
I knew the hard road that stretched before me when I undertook this, if you note that I devoted a section of chapter 2 to Xander's alteration, it might be permanent.
Review By [purrfus] • Date [23 Oct 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Body count" from darkmagician
Review:
This may prove to be interesting, but the second chapter was too short. At least they never have to worry about Rayne ever again, unless he survived the ball of acid Xander blasted him with. Spike will never become a member of the Scoobies since he got incinerated (I'm guessing that's who the blonde was).
Review By [darkmagician] • Date [23 Oct 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Body count" from Bobboky
Review:
cool, will Xander stay a warlock or go another route like the enlightened spirit?
Comments from author:
Well the core persona never changed, thus he won't be a pure warlock for long; never a paladin though. I'm thinking one of the new classes for him to go into.
Review By [Bobboky] • Date [23 Oct 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Body count" from Dargos
Review:
Good start.

1. If Cordelia is a cat woman, her chances of getting a job, dating, education ,etc probably went out of window.

2. Whereas Xander is still human, it would better for him if authorities never find about his Warlock-status.

3. It would better for both to leave Earth,possibly going to Eberron and never come back.
Comments from author:
Catwoman yes, but I left my hand open as to the details; as for journeying to Eberron I think things might get more Hellmouthy yet.
Review By [Dargos] • Date [23 Oct 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Body count" from Ronneem
Review:
Interesting beginning, quite catchy even. I have no clue what the main crossover is and am curious about where the SW part comes in. Will definitely watch for more, just to satisfy the curiosity. On another note, nicely written too.
Comments from author:
The SW will become more prevalent; I'm thinking of adding in more races through various mechanisms.
Review By [Ronneem] • Date [23 Oct 07] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Warden
Review:
It felt rushed, I suggest slowing down and adding more detail.
Review By [Warden] • Date [23 Oct 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from LordCorwin
Review:
Umm, needs a definate re-write .... not enough information in the story .. in and of itself. I'd love to see more development of the story before the "BLAM!" he blew up the statue and Oooo, my life is slipping awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!.

Just my opinion....
Comments from author:
While I respect your opinion; this was a prelude and thus is sketchy.
Review By [LordCorwin] • Date [23 Oct 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Bobboky
Review:
cool
Review By [Bobboky] • Date [23 Oct 07] • Not Rated
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