Review of chapter "Chapter One - Hallow Machines" from JediKnight
Good job on the first chapter, I hope the ret is just as great. Please post more soon
Review By [JediKnight
] • Date [8 Nov 07] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One - Hallow Machines" from ghostwhowalks
Good but not perfect. I will be looking forward to future updates and I am adding you to my tracked authors.
Other reviewers have mentioned what I see as the most serious weakness, overuse of the original material, so I will not go into any detail on that. Instead I will say that I find it worth both my time to read and my energy to review. In fact this is my second review, the computer ate my first one before I could post it.
One last thing: I felt that one of the other reviewers was overly harsh and in light of that I want to pass on to you the best advice on writing I ever got and the story behind it.
As a teenager in the late '80s I attended a writer's workshop for high school students. We had all been asked to submit work before hand so that the Professors leading the various workshops would be familiar with our work. I submitted three or four poems each in different style. The guest of honor of the workshop was Poet Laureate Gwendolyn Brooks. As the poetry workshop started Ms Brooks sat in.
The next hour or so was a nightmare the Professor (whose name I have long since forgotten) proceeded to rip every single one of my poems to shreds as he held them up as examples of what not to do to the entire group. He hated the imagery in one, the rhyme scheme in another, this one was the worst example of blah, blah, blah. Not a single word of encouragement came from that man's lips.
When the session ended and I stumbled in dazed shock and near tears out into the hallway Ms Brooks called me over and spent about five minutes walking with me to the next workshop.
What she said to me boils down to this: never stop writing, and never let someone else convince you that what you are writing is wrong or worthless just because it is different.
Good Luck I'll be looking for that next update,
Review By [ghostwhowalks
] • Date [2 Nov 07] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One - Hallow Machines" from Bluesnowman
Great stuff keep it up.
Review By [Bluesnowman
] • Date [31 Oct 07] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One - Hallow Machines" from Dargos
Very good but;
Angela Spica, the Engineer is powerful enough to defeat entire US Air Forces singlehandledly.If Willow is now anywhere near that level...
Review By [Dargos
] • Date [31 Oct 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One - Hallow Machines" from neverwill
The very beginning showing the screwed up shipment was good, then we had to read through the whole script part just in case you had inserted some new material. That whole part was a pretty tedious to read. (Since this is such a popular episode to spin into new directions, the canon story is already VERY well known.) It picks up and starts getting interesting again at the part starting with them choosing costumes at Ethan's, but the chapter then ends too soon to get a real feel for the story.
So far the parts you wrote look interesting and I'll watch for more. Your material was engaging, and only needs *bits* of the script to tie us into the timing of what is happening. Since there's more people now with tainted costumes, and everyone is wearing a different costume than in the show, the story should now mostly be your own work.
Review By [neverwill
] • Date [30 Oct 07] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One - Hallow Machines" from Bobboky
Review By [Bobboky
] • Date [30 Oct 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One - Hallow Machines" from michaelangelo
Dude, at least three quarters to four fifths of that fic was copied from the transcript by Alexander Thompson, just converted from script form, with alterations to fit. Ya gotta be original and throw that damn script out and write original.
'a silver fist punches threw the head of the red demon'
Should be through, not threw
Pitty, the idea had the makings of a very interesting fic.
Review By [michaelangelo
] • Date [30 Oct 07] • Rating [3 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One - Hallow Machines" from LFW
An ambitious and industrious beginning
Quite a good read
Looking forward to more
Review By [LFW
] • Date [30 Oct 07] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One - Hallow Machines" from war
interesting start looking forward to more.
btw please make Joyce like the old Jamie the new one is a idiot.
Review By [war
] • Date [30 Oct 07] • Rating [7 out of 10]