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Elizabeth "Buffy" Anne Potter-Black Summers

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Review of chapter "Chapter Five: Moving to the Land of the Giles" from divaslayer
Review:
Awesome story so far, I can't wait to read more. Please, please, please, please update soon. Please?

Dani
Review By [divaslayer] • Date [14 Feb 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Five: Moving to the Land of the Giles" from divaslayer
Review:
Awesome story so far, I can't wait to read more. Please, please, please, please update soon. Please?

Dani
Review By [divaslayer] • Date [14 Feb 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Five: Moving to the Land of the Giles" from lostwrites
Review:
Well, I had semi-high hopes going into the story, but you managed to dash them right away. There is absolutely no background or, at least, not enough to give the story a solid foundation for you to work with. The characters are OOC. You've glossed over too many important situations. You don't allow the readers to see what the character is thinking or feeling. That's extremely important to a scene because it helps drive the scene. Dialog alone does not make a story, it's merely a conversation. The scenes are much too short.

And the formatting at the end of Chapter Five. Goodness! I cringed. I'm still cringing. You need spaces between paragraphs and dialog. It makes the story easier to read and simply - it looks better.

Flesh out your story. Let us see what a character is thinking or feeling. Give us descriptions of setting, set the scene.
Review By [lostwrites] • Date [21 Nov 07] • Rating [2 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Five: Moving to the Land of the Giles" from SassyFrass
Review:
Interesting premise, I would love to see the scenes fleshed out a little more, but mostly, take out your author notes in the middle of the story!! If you really feel that they are necessary, put them in in the beginning of the the chapters or the end. In the middle of the chapter it really breaks up the story. Other than that, I am interested to see where you go with it.
Comments from author:
i'm having bad luck with people actually liking anything that i write on this website, so i might just remove it. If you would like to continue to read it. Go to www.fanfiction.net and search the author name "animebuffbob".
Review By [SassyFrass] • Date [13 Nov 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Two: Angel or Angelus" from littleoldme
Review:
This fic has a premise that I find appealing (if not original), but it also has one of the worst titles I've ever seen. You'd be far better served to pick a random phrase from your prose than to put that long, hyphenated, canonically incorrect name as the title. The formatting also makes this difficult to read. You have far too many scene breaks in each chapter to really serve the story, and breaking up the scenes with the word "Scene break" instead of with symbols (such as *!*!*!*!*!*! or something similar) is pretty off-putting.

There's nothing wrong with having lots of scene breaks, but in your case, you don't cover enough in any of the scenes before you break. A scene is supposed to have a certain beat to it. There's a beginning, a middle, and an end. Something actually happens. Random pieces of dialogue exchanged do not make up an entire scene, and unfortunately, it's much harder to make short, staccato scenes work in written fiction than on film, when quick cuts can sometimes work if you're trying to juxtapose the scenes.

I'd also recommend reading each chapter out loud before you post it- some of your sentence constructions are a little awkward, and you tend to repeat the same sentence structures over and over again. Try to very it up a little.

Good luck with your fic.
Review By [littleoldme] • Date [13 Nov 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Five: Moving to the Land of the Giles" from VillageOrchid
Review:
Chapter 5 was a bit odd after chapter 4. Overall -- interesting but a bit disjointed.
I guess Xander's place is learning weapons, herbology, runes and demonology. The hand-decorated scooby-doo shirts were fun.
Comments from author:
i wasn't sure what i was going to do with him, but i couldn't leave him in Sunnydale, he is to much apart of the Scooby-Doo group. It would not do to leave him there. He has no magical ability, so i guess i'll have him train with the Watcher's Council to become a Watcher. What do you think?
Review By [VillageOrchid] • Date [12 Nov 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Five: Moving to the Land of the Giles" from gothfeary
Review:
Well, you have some niffty ideas here. But it definitly needs some serious work. You gloss over far too much of the important events. Your characters are very OOC. You jump around too much, the skip scenes you put in only serve to confuse the readers. Flush out your ideas so they don't just seem like a shopping list.
Review By [gothfeary] • Date [12 Nov 07] • Rating [3 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Two: Angel or Angelus" from VillageOrchid
Review:
I like how you AU element doesn't disregard some of the canon problems, but does set it up so we don't have to worry about them.
Review By [VillageOrchid] • Date [12 Nov 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Five: Moving to the Land of the Giles" from Serenity
Review:
oooh, a deal! I like the Buffy Angelus action in the graveyard. I hope you make it so they do get together, cause they are so cute err bad together. So pretty please continue!
Comments from author:
i have a poll, i couldn't care either way, but I kind of would like to explore the Baus aspects.
Review By [Serenity] • Date [12 Nov 07] • Rating [10 out of 10]
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