Expand this. It has potential, but you are glossing too much. Take this and at least double it, possibly triple it with description and dialogue. I know you can do it!
Review By [Twoboots] • Date [19 Nov 07] • Not Rated
Great beginning! As the first reviewer noted, Nathaniel is red haired. I was kind of confused, as I kept thinking you were talking about Jason, but then he would be a wolf... . Anyways, interesting beginning, and I like your Dawn characterisation. Chaja
Review By [chajalive] • Date [19 Nov 07] • Not Rated
Nathanial tends to be red-headed. Is your version blonde because - he is actually blonde and has dyed his hair in the past, but has now gone back to nature - or his interest in pain kicking in? Because the amount of bleach it would take to get all that hair from red to blonde would have to burn.
Interesting beginning. I've tracking to make sure I don't miss the next installment.
Comments from author:
Actually, I was just to lazy to look it up, and for some reason I convinced myself he was blonde. At some point in the near future, I'll go back and correct that, thanks for letting me know.
Review By [purrfus] • Date [19 Nov 07] • Not Rated
Aynot