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Afterlife

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Review of chapter "3" from Hoplite
Review:
I do find this story intriguing. It is interesting that you picked Ben/Glory as one of your main characters because that gives lots of potential for action and conflict. However, the story seems to be standing still at the moment. We have heard a lot about the past but have no idea what is happening now, or really what the story is all about. In the first three chapters you have depended heavily on descriptive prose to tell your story. It would also be nice to see some a character interaction and action to liven it up in future chapters.
Comments from author:
I always thought that Ben had potential, so I agree with you there. I also take your point that it is pretty slow moving; I hope that you keep reading for a bit because I can promise some character interaction.

Action though, I have to admit is a little thin on the ground. I am sort of reworking it as I did it several years ago, so maybe I will add some action. There are some pretty short chapters coming up so maybe I should look at posting more in one go at least, to allow the reader to get into it with some momentum.

Fair points though and I will definitely consider what you have said; thanks for reading and commenting
Review By [Hoplite] • Date [11 Dec 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "3" from purrfus
Review:
Found this today, and read all three chapters, which was fairly easy to do since they kept getting shorter.

Is the chapter length a deliberate leading up to the moment of meeting, or simply the way the writing came out?

As a deliberate attempt to create suspense it isn't really working, as the short chapters were more of disruption then a tension builder. If it is simply the result of the creative process you might want to re-read everything you've done to this point and re-consider the breaks.
Comments from author:
A fair point. The chapters decreasing was not a deliberate decision, but I did make the decision to keep the chapters short as a way of seeing both characters point of view. Admittedly this was somewhat of an experimentation on my part, as was much of the writing I was doing when I started this as I was pretty new to it.

I will definitely consider what you have said though, and I appreciate you taking the time to comment.
Review By [purrfus] • Date [10 Dec 07] • Not Rated
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