Large PrintHandheldAudioRating
using
 paypal
Twisting The Hellmouth Crossing Over Awards - Results
Rules for Challenges

By Blood

StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking
Review of chapter "Temporary Authors note" from firedrakegirl
Review:
Great potential, can't wait for more! I'm willing to beta, if you need one still. :D
Comments from author:
I do still need one! I kind of lost my way on the story and I need help! I love it, but I tried to make it a bit more complicated that I should have...can I send what I have to your email? It's fairly long, though I'll only send what I have before I got too complicated. Thank you for offering!!
Review By [firedrakegirl] • Date [2 Apr 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Temporary Authors note" from KatieKat
Review:
I'm loving the story and if you need a beta let me know I can beta for you. my e-mail is Rin_Maru_8@yahoo.com
Review By [KatieKat] • Date [25 Sep 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Arriving at Hogwarts pt 2" from TwoBlackDragons
Review:
Evil author\muse = one who doesn't finish stories they start.
And this is a good story, so please stop being an evil author\muse.
Comments from author:
I've been contemplating finishing this, I had forgotten about it ^.^
I'll add more soon, I need to edit more.
Review By [TwoBlackDragons] • Date [11 Sep 10] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Arriving at Hogwarts pt 2" from AriaDragoncrest
Review:
Excellent story so far.
Review By [AriaDragoncrest] • Date [1 Sep 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Arriving at Hogwarts pt 2" from zafaran
Review:
Luna was Spike's Childe? I think I need to go back through the chapters and see if I missed some setup and clues. Very interesting so far though. I can't wait to find out what happens next. I hope your schedule and muse will allow you to write and post more chapters sometime soon. Keep up the good work. Zafaran {mailto:} zafaran {at} fastmail {dot} fm
Review By [zafaran] • Date [3 Jul 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Arriving at Hogwarts pt 2" from espinosaca
Review:
I think you've got Harry wrong and also you need to have Draco come clean with Buffy and Dawn about why Harry and his friends aren't exactly friendly with Draco. I also think you need more back story on Ginny and Luna and put in reasoning for their amiable relationships with Draco otherwise when you combine it with Harry's reaction it comes across wrong. Unless you give more background information other than just saying that Draco reformed it comes across with both Luna and Ginny coming off as pro-Draco Mary-Sues as well as Dawn and Harry coming across as evil.
Comments from author:
it's confusing now, but everything will be explained...just be patient with me =)
Review By [espinosaca] • Date [3 Jul 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Arriving at Hogwarts Pt 1" from zafaran
Review:
More, please. Good on Minerva for following and listening. Maybe they can catch Lucius before he damages Draco, Dawn, Luna, et al. I do dislike that you killed Severus off since he's my favorite character in the books, and I was utterly horrified by Dumbledore's betrayal of both Harry and Severus when the postmortem memories were seen at the end of DH. I hope your schedule and muse will allow you to write and post more chapters sometime soon. Keep up the good work. Zafaran {mailto:} zafaran {at} fastmail {dot} fm
Comments from author:
i'll add more when i get home from work, don't worry ;) and don't count Sev out just yet...nothing is as it seems
Review By [zafaran] • Date [2 Jul 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Arriving at Hogwarts Pt 1" from WinterRayne
Review:
Great start.
Review By [WinterRayne] • Date [21 May 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Arriving at Hogwarts Pt 1" from zapoteca
Review:
Oh, thank you thank you, thank you! I love this new chapter.
Comments from author:
glad you liked it, it took me a few minutes to figure out how to add a new chapter, I felt very special after i saw the button. expect more within a few weeks
Review By [zapoteca] • Date [19 May 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "First Meetings and Reintroductions" from zapoteca
Review:
I really, really want to see more of this. I am personally a huge fan of "Good Draco". (And I'm only a little bit ashamed). You do have some plot holes, like how Buffy knows Dumbledore and how Dawn is a witch, but please don't leave us hanging like this. I also like Draco's stutter. It adds more than a measure of depth to his condition.
Comments from author:
thanks for reviewing! I had almost forgotten that I was posting this. I'll add the next bit now just for you. Plot holes will be filled in eventually, I tend to like to leave things hanging a little bit.
Review By [zapoteca] • Date [18 May 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "First Meetings and Reintroductions" from DemonChildeKyra
Review:
Sweet! I am so loving this! More soon, please? *gives you puppy dog eyes* Pretty, pretty Please?

~ Kyra
Review By [DemonChildeKyra] • Date [6 Feb 08] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "First Meetings and Reintroductions" from Bunney
Review:
It is interesting but your moving the story to fast. It is okay if this was more intune with the repective xovers but you are going really AU and need to slow the story down and build your AU plot. Side note Buffy never says the word baby. It's creepy and makes it seem like she is hitting on him. Try munchkin, pooppet, or papoose. look for a really good synonym for baby but not baby. It will make this more believable.

Later and Love
Bunney
Review By [Bunney] • Date [27 Jan 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "First Meetings and Reintroductions" from purrfus
Review:
Your note indicated the story had been posted to ffn and that you had removed it in order to address some problems. I don’t remember seeing this story there, so based on what is here:

While I can appreciate the desire not to give away major plot points, the first rule is get the reader, second rule is keep them. I don't consider myself a canon fanatic but this story has so many differences from canon that some of them at least really need to be explained as the story progresses within the chapter. Ideally a story and or chapter should have a balance between the questions raised during the course of the chapter and the questions answered. Carrying over ideas, questions, and issues from chapter to chapter only works if some are answered as you go, otherwise it just becomes frustrating for the reader.

For Example - Perhaps I should assume from your note about deviations from canon and what is written that Dawn is not the key, or the key was embodied at a much earlier age in which case a twin might be possible. However, the chapter does not provide any explanation for Dawn's atypical reaction to the news of a new, male sibling – one who bears no resemblance to either her or Buffy. Even a fraternal twin should have some points in common unless magic or other means of disguise or alteration has been utilized. The apparent formation of a bond between the Dawn and Draco by the end of the chapter could be assumed to be a reaction to their twinness but again, insufficient support within the chapter. Dawn as a witch could be reasonable since her twin is a wizard, but... Instead of tantalizing me the sheer number of such points just added to my frustration.

Dawn is just one area. Because of the note regarding changes from canon the reader can not assume, and must have details provided. Why did Xander disappear from the chapter? Where are the rest of the Scoobies? And Giles? Spike is not explained. Buffy, Dumbledore, and the wizarding world, etc etc etc Unfortunately if it doesn’t happen or isn’t discussed ‘on screen’ then it doesn’t count.

Dawn and Draco as twins has so much potential. The stutter was an interesting choice and well done.

Over all there is too much attempted in too short of a space. More explanation, discussion etc is really required. If you feel the story needs Dawn and Draco on their way to Hogwarts by the end of the first chapter more of the points raised in the current first chapter really need to be addressed in discussions and explanations to the ‘new’ people they encounter in subsequent chapters.

Good Luck.
Review By [purrfus] • Date [24 Jan 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "First Meetings and Reintroductions" from JoeHundredaire
Review:
Top to bottom:
1. Dawn doesn't really exist. How can she have a miracle twin separated at birth... when she was never born?
2. Spike is never explained to be a vampire to Draco, so why would mentioning the chip and the like have any calming effect? Even if Draco knew what Spike was, I doubt he'd understand what the chip in question was and why it would do anything.
3. SMG is like, 5'3". Unless a sixteen-year old Draco is a freakin midget... he ain't fitting on her lap comfortably, curling up there, etc.
4. The same with Dawn and Draco later in the chapter. Michelle Trachtenberg is 5'6", give or take. As someone who's never dated a girl taller than 5'6", and is 5'11" to 6'1" depending on who's measuring me... it doesn't work well.
5. Ah yes, all hail Dawn the Wonder Witch. I see this as being a balanced and non-Mary Sue version of her. Not.
Review By [JoeHundredaire] • Date [24 Jan 08] • Rating [2 out of 10]
StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking