Review of chapter "Chapter Ten: Death Greets Us All...Sometimes We Greet It" from phyllismski
This was a great story. I was slightly confused during the BuffyVamp part about Willow but I finally got it. Any time you want to play with the in between years, gee like how California became an island in the former USA would be interesting. Good Job and thanks for that
Review By [phyllismski
] • Date [9 Apr 07] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Ten: Death Greets Us All...Sometimes We Greet It" from purrfus
When I found this story I saw that it was a sequel to a previous story. I have read some of tvof, but I decided that as this story was set far enough in the future I would probably be able to understand what was happening. You do provide sufficient detail in the narrative and in conversational explanations to allow a reader to understand current actions and activities in relationship to previous history (tvof).
I decided the nagging feeling of something not quite right was due to the original characters. With any character borrowed from the show, even if they were a minor 1 episode character there is some back-story or sense of who / what the character was or might be. Here with two original characters and even thought the story was about Wesley's quest, I felt that Kate was almost more developed even though she spent less time in print than Wesley. For me, and I read some of the chapters more than once, Wesley is difficult: the character's main personality trait is bitterness and it is inconsistent. The break before the final two chapters left a lot of questions to be answered in conversation again, and while this works pretty well for things like review slayer origins etc, it doesn't work so well for original characters and original ideas and actions.
You mentioned in your response to my previous review (thanks) that this is one of your first fics and you think your writing has improved. I agree that your presentation and mechanics have gotten better, but you did and still do have a gift for creative imagining.
Comments from author:
Hmm...thanks so much for taking the time to not only read this piece, but write such a well-thoughtout and put together review. I wrote this piece so long ago that it isn't quite fresh in my mind without going back to re-read it (and I don't have the time at the moment). I do suppose though that Kate did have more dimensional-ness to her than Wesley did. When I get the time I'll have to go back and re-write this and make sure that the main original character is more fleshed out. I'll work on going through and making sure that Wesley's character stays in character, and perhaps coming up with a few more chapters that make the transition from the main setting of the story to the final chapters a little more smooth. The main problem I had there was that I wanted to tell the story of Wesley finding out about his father and Angel and company finding about Wesley and Gunn. And then I wanted to show the end of Wesley's life. And I didn't want to write a epic novel to show how we got from point A to B, but perhaps it can be done in a smoother fashion. I'll look into when I get the time! But regardless I definitely appreciate your feedback.
*blush* Thank you so much for your ending comments. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside to know that despite my mechanical/grammatical/presentation issues of old that I still got across the point I was trying to make. And it does make me happy to hear that someone thinks my writing style has improved!
Review By [purrfus
] • Date [15 Nov 06] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Four: Learning The Tricks Of The Trade" from purrfus
There is a lot of intensity in this story. Some of the bits and pieces are very intriguing, but something seems to be missing. I can't figure out what, but something just feels off somehow. Maybe brain is wondering about some details that I just haven't figured out consciously yet.
Comments from author:
This was one of the first stories I posted to the site, so I would like to think my writing style has improved drastically since then. I hope that you were able to resolve the "off" issues you had about this story. If you need help with any of the underlying details, please feel free to email me: demona_the_dark_one at yahoo dot com. And I can try to help explain anything. Thanks again for the review!
EDIT: This story follows "the vulnerability of faith" and if you started "legacy" because "tvof" then you will probably be at a loss. Hopefully this will help with a few of your questions!
Review By [purrfus
] • Date [13 Nov 06] • Rating [8 out of 10]