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Came the Thunder

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Review of chapter "Chapter Five" from bookworm
Review:
Yet another story from you I'm very intrigued by. I'm glad I decided to track you generally instead of just what I happened to read first, and if you ever have the time and inclination to come back to this one I'll be pleased to read more of it. Of course I like most of your stuff anyway, so whatever you feel like writing works for me. ;-)
Comments from author:
Thank you! This story takes more effort than anything else I've done; unless the situation at work slackens off, which I don't expect any time soon, i simply don't have the energy to continue it.
Review By [bookworm] • Date [1 Mar 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from (Recent Donor)Luna
Review:
WONDERFUL story. You've written the native american slayer in such a fantastic way -- so many details! Love what you've done with just this first chapter!
Comments from author:
Thank you very much!
Review By [(Recent Donor)Luna] • Date [23 Jun 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Five" from Kethric
Review:
Wow. It's been a while since anyone has posted a review for this story. Of course, that's probably due to how long it's been since the last update (hint, hint). Definitely a story I can see a lot of people reading, if you continued it.
Comments from author:
Thank you very much.

The trouble with this story is that it takes a lot more effort than most of my stories and, since I last posted a chapter, the pressure that I'm under at work has increased significantly and drained away a lot of my writing energy. I'm concentrating on stories based either on books I can read on the bus on the way to and from work or on the computer games I play to unwind on the day following the final night of my shifts. This is one for writing when I'm on vacation; however my last vacation was spent in doing special things to celebrate my Silver Wedding Anniversary and I wasn't able to do any writing at all.

At the start of my next vacation, in August, I'll be spending time at WriterConUK but I have two weeks free after that. With luck I'll be able to spend some time on this then - and I'll get my readers on LiveJournal, who keep bombarding me with requests, off my neck for a while. You're correct about a lot of people reading it.
Review By [Kethric] • Date [3 Jun 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Five" from Katricia
Review:
This story kinda makes me feel sorry for Buffybot. I love the way you write both hers and Thunders' character. A lot of the time when people write stories about characters from the past ending up in the present, the writing from said characters' point of view ends up stilted and somewhat annoying to read. You can only hear a car referred to as a "demon" or "monster" so many times before it starts to grate on the nerves. Yes, Thunder is still confused about many things, but it's not brought up every other sentence, and she's adjusting believably to everything.

I also like how Thunder, Dawn, and Tara are all treating Buffy more like a person then as just some machine that happens to look human. I mean, sure, she's not technically human. But in this story it can almost seem like she is at times, and she certainly seems to be developing and changing (mentally, at least) like a real person would.

It's an nice story so far. I really ought (aught? Grammar really isn't my strongest point, unfortunately.) to check out those Tabula Avatar stories of yours one of these days. If they're as good as your other stories, they'll definitely be worth the read, despite the fact that I know next to nothing (read: nothing beyond the obvious "it's a game or something like that") about Dungeons & Dragons.

...Okay, that's definitely a much longer review than I normally leave. *stares at it a moment before shrugging*
Comments from author:
Thank you! I really must return to this story in the near future; I have readers who are getting very impatient for updates.

If you do look at the Tabula Avatar series I think you'll find them reasonably easy to follow; Buffy and the gang, except for Xander, don't know much about Dungeons & Dragons either and they are the POV characters most of the time, and so the world is described as they see it and learn about it.
Review By [Katricia] • Date [22 Jul 10] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Five" from laoshi
Review:
ehn’tvo’oo’sin makes a nice approximation of introducing. Is there really no word for female/male friends in Cheyenne? How do they fill the conceptual gap? Is it something like all members of the tribe are considered friends or family? Have you ever seen a film with denzel washington and kevin Klein called Cry Freedom? There’s a bit where denzel is in front of a white south African judge who asks why he calls himself black when he’s more brown than black and denzel replies with the question why does he call himself white when he’s more pink than white? I thought about that during Spike and Thunder’s conversation. I hadn’t heard that Bill Bailey song in ages which one of his shows is it from? Have you every read This Little Light of Mine by Nwhepcat? It’s about a Slayer in Papua New Guinea. I enjoyed the bit about Cheyenne not knowing how to throw a punch it just goes to show some things we consider inherent is really just part of our culture.

Again I’m really blown away by the research that must have gone into this story. If I could ask a small favour I’m outlining a Buffy/Merry Gentry crossover at the moment which has a few scenes with Hereward the Wake set in the Isle of Ely in an immediately post Norman Conquest England. A time frame I notice isn’t far off Cloak of Mist and and I was wondering if you had any advice about researching that period?
Comments from author:
Thank you!

The word for 'female friend' in Cheyenne can only be said by a woman, the word for 'male friend' can only be said by a man. At least that was the case in the 19th Century, things have changed a lot since then. There is even a Cheyenne word for 'cat' now!

'Insect Nation' is from his 1995 show 'Bill Bailey's Cosmic Jam', aka 'Bill Bailey Live', and he also performed it in his 1998 TV series 'Is It Bill Bailey?' and in 'Bill Bailey's Guide to the Orchestra'.

The best place for research is a modern-style museum where they have reconstructions of various time periods, such as the House of Mannanan on the Isle of Man and the Jorvik Centre in York. 'Time Team' can be very informative if you find an episode where they're digging up the right period. Historical fiction set at the right time can be handy but must be treated with caution; authors make mistakes, or draw incorrect conclusions, and taking them as correct can perpetuate the errors. A lot of my period research comes from wargaming books and magazines. Don't trust Wikipedia without independent confirmation and never, never, use the word 'fire!' to describe releasing an arrow in the period before gunpowder. It was always 'loose!'
Review By [laoshi] • Date [16 Feb 10] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Five" from ForSpite
Review:
Ah, I stay away from Twisting the Hellmouth for a month and come back to a pleasant surprise.
Glad to see more of this. You do a good job making Thunder a sympathetic OC, even with all the Cheyenne language sprinkled in (using another language on some levels helps convey the problems she's facing but always makes for more difficult reading) and as I may have mentioned before write an excellent Buffybot.
Clem's explanation that the demons involved in kitten poker can't actually spend money makes some sense, though one wonders why they don't play for things like gold or weapons or whatever IS useful to demons but unlikely to run away. I suppose kitten poker is just low stakes.
It was an amusing and fitting touch that Thunder saw nothing wrong with it, not being raised in a society that adores or even has cats.
I see the Trio may already have many of their bugs up, so they likely know or suspect Buffy's a robot, especially with Warren in their membership. Following that train of logic attempts to eliminate her must be more because she's an obstacle than the glory of beating the Slayer.... though I suppose it could still be a game of one-upsmanship which is why they haven't just lured her into a giant magnet, thus wiping her hard drives.
Comments from author:
Thank you!

I suspect that Joss never considered the practicalities of kitten poker; where world-building was concerned he, and the rest of the team, often seemed not to think things through.

Warren does indeed know that 'Buffy' is really the BuffyBot. Luring her into a giant magnet and wiping her hard drives is the last thing he'd do...
Review By [ForSpite] • Date [14 Dec 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Five" from Markelo
Review:
Good story ya? May I use Thunder in a story?
Comments from author:
Thank you.

I can't really stop you using Thunder in a story - it would be somewhat hypocritical, as I have written over a million words of fic using characters created by other people - but I wouldn't be happy about it. You don't have a track record as a writer - one chapter added to someone else's story, and one 350-word opening chapter of a story which has now disappeared from the site (quarantined?) - and I can't assess your ability to do justice to her.

There are people who I would trust with Thunder, e.g. Marcus Rowland, Wispr, Quinara, Shadowscast, Curiouslywombat, and Vogonguard, and possibly Mediancat, but I have no way of knowing if you belong in that group.

If you repeat your request in grammatically correct Cheyenne I will give my unqualified approval.
Review By [Markelo] • Date [30 Nov 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Five" from Dusel
Review:
And here another great story, 10 out of 10 man simply fantastic. And man..you're such a wizz at languages, I don't even want to know how you know so much. Keep it up! Though...you forgot to give us a good description of Nonoma’e’e and I seriously have no idea how her people look like.
Comments from author:
Thank you! Actually I don't have much of a gift for languages, and teaching myself Drow was murder, but I have used the on-line Cheyenne language facilities provided by Chief Dull Knife College in Montana to find out the basic principles of Cheyenne gender, pluralisation, etc. and apply them to the word lists they provide.

I didn't forget to describe Nonoma'e'e but as I'm writing with her as the POV character, and she knows what she looks like, only occasional fragments of description crop up in other characters' dialogue (e.g. Spike mentioning that she's two inches taller in bare feet than he is in shoes). She's a little over 5 feet 10 inches tall, slim but with broad shoulders, jet black hair, dark brown eyes, reasonably good-looking but not pretty as such. Further odd pieces of description will crop up when characters mention them.

She's actually based on a banner that Death Is Your Art did for me when I mentioned in the LiveJournal community 'Watchers' Diaries' that I planned to do a story about a nineteenth-century Native American Slayer, but (s)he put the banner up at the community with the rider that I couldn't have it until the story was finished. This isn't the story I'd originally planned to write, which fell through, but is a different story making use of some of the same research.
Review By [Dusel] • Date [10 Nov 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Five" from (Current Donor)Tempi
Review:
Great story so far. I hope you have plans for a long one.
Comments from author:
Thank you! Yes, it will be fairly long.
Review By [(Current Donor)Tempi] • Date [10 Nov 09] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Five" from Hawkehunt
Review:
I'd forgotten about this story 'til it popped up in my feed. Wery well written, and Thunder is very believable.

Good work, and I hope to see more soon.
Comments from author:
Thank you!
Review By [Hawkehunt] • Date [9 Nov 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from (Recent Donor)DaveTurner
Review:
Nice to see a new chapter of this story...now I'll have to reread it from start as I've forgotten tons of story detail!

Looking forward to more updates.

DaveT
Comments from author:
Thank you!
Review By [(Recent Donor)DaveTurner] • Date [9 Nov 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Five" from batzulger
Review:
An OC I actually like! Great stuff. I'm also really liking the Buffy-Bot and Spike's characterizations. I think it's the first time I've ever seen depth given to the bot.
Comments from author:
Thank you!

The Bot has been done very well before, by several authors, perhaps most notably by The Visitor.
Review By [batzulger] • Date [8 Nov 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from TroyGuffey
Review:
This is a VERY good story. Thunder is a really kewl OC.

Interesting how the BuffyBot is showing signs of starting to mature. Although I think they should give her a name of her own to acknowledge she isn't really Buffy. It would help their emotional states. (Maybe change her hair color to red and call her Daphne?)

More chapters soon, please!
Comments from author:
Thank you!

I wrote another story once in which the Buffybot became sentient and was given a new identity and a change of hair colour. I don't plan to take that route this time; the Bot has a function to perform, in the Scoobies' eyes, as a 'placeholder' for Buffy; providing a visible relative for Dawn to keep Social Services away and so on.
Review By [TroyGuffey] • Date [8 Nov 09] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Five" from wolfman
Review:
Really enjoying this - nice to see new parts at last. More please!
Comments from author:
Thank you!
Review By [wolfman] • Date [8 Nov 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Five" from mousemt
Review:
Very good story so far. I'm looking forward to seeing more.
Comments from author:
Thank you! I can't promise that the next chapter will come soon - this story requires me to do a lot of work - but I'm hoping to get it finished in time for the next round of the CoA awards if at all possible.
Review By [mousemt] • Date [8 Nov 09] • Not Rated
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