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It's Not Him

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Review of chapter "Recovery" from bookworm
I continue to be intrigued by this story, I'm always glad to read more. I do have some hopefully constructive criticism this time though. It feels like Cordelia gives far too much detail in her explanation to Giles.

For one thing, you're repeating much of what we already read from Xander's point of view last chapter. Secondly, it just doesn't feel like the way Cordy would say things, especially after just waking up and at this point in her life. She and Giles have different speech patterns; I can't "hear" her saying things like "sufficiently irritated", if that makes sense.

Third, though less important - then you have Giles ask her to write up a full report, when that's pretty much what she's just given him. I suppose he might do that anyway, but it would make more sense if there was stuff she glossed over or missed. Basically, I'd suggest summarising a lot and using more casual words.

At any rate, none of this is meant to denigrate your story at all. It's still great fun and I hope to read more. Keep up the good work, whichever story it's on!
Comments from author:
Thank you for your comments. Constructive critcism is always welcome.

I admit Cordelia's repeats things the reader already knows but Giles doesn't. As for it not sounding like Cordelia, you must remember she's repeating what Xander down loaded into her memory, something he hasn't tried before, and that would have an effect even if what she said didn't sound like how Xander would have said it either. I will endeavor to pay more attention to how I make her and the other characters talk so they sound more like themselves for the time period being depicted.

As for writing the report, she gave Giles the highlights of what happened, detailed though they may be. He's hoping that with a bit more detail he can narrow down his search for whatever demon was involved. Of course he doesn't know that regardless of how much detail he gets his research won't bring him to the correct answer since Marcie wasn't a demon.
Review By [bookworm] • Date [1 Feb 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Close, but no cigar." from TaraLi
I have to wonder if the chapter title is an intentional pun based on Cordelia's last line... Considering that it's Marcy, I expect, and therefore an invisible *woman*, who has the humidor, and not an invisible *man*, who has the cigar.
Review By [TaraLi] • Date [22 Jan 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Ideas and Nightmares" from liadenfan
Why go to the trouble of loading your own paint balls. Buy standard paint balls and have a friendly/in the know priest/minister bless them. As Robin would say, 'Holy Paint Balls.' The paint would probably be harder to remove from the vamp's skin than water.

As far as Super Soakers go, check out the Nerf Hydro-pack and Lightning Storm. A 100 oz. bladder worn like a poncho and a fully mechanized water pump Super Soaker, respectively. Not sure if they were on the market back in the nineties, but something similar probably was.

A group or teenagers wearing paint ball gear and or carrying super soakers wouldn't even be looked at twice.
Comments from author:
All very good points which may be discovered as the various options are further investigated. Jonathan's presentation was meant to get Giles interested in the ideas not necessarily present him with a complete answer. After all Jonathan is new to this gig and doesn't have all the answers yet.
Review By [liadenfan] • Date [18 Jan 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Preparations II" from Oxnate
While it's great to see that you and this story are not dead. I really want more.
Review By [Oxnate] • Date [12 Jun 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Goodbyes, Negotiations, and Vengeance" from DragonBard
Actually, the soul 'did' leave, since it was captured in a jar. You can even see it during the Angel episode.
Review By [DragonBard] • Date [20 Feb 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Preparations" from bradsan
first let me compliment you with this story. It's well written and easy to read if I liked it is a second I'm not done deciding yet. Why? Well The PTB are playing with so many lives I hope that a higher power than them will punish them in your next story. They are using so many lives and destroying them for their own game.

What I most dislike is giving Buffy a baby after being raped, how sick can you be as a PTB. Rape is a very traumatic experience and having a baby out of it is difficult and certainly when you are a virgin. Than leaving everything you loved behind. Power of good I don't think so. Wolfram and heart have more mercy and they are supposed to be evil.

And ab baby from Xander for heaven sakes, well I don't like Xander because he is a hypocrite. Willow you describe perfectly. The Gypsy's are sick bastards who let the soul suffer for something the demon did. What did the soul do that he has to suffer like that and how are the Gypsy's any difficult from demons. To me the Gypsy's are worse than evil demons.

And you. Thank god you use your mind to write stories because otherwise it would be a very scary world. brrrr. Hmm, I think I like your story and I'm going to read your sequel. Oh dear what is that telling about me. I'm not gone think about it.
Comments from author:
Xander is quite possibly a hypocrite as you say but many people are to some extent or another. As for the PTB, they are opportunists and take advantage of what they can that comes out of free will. WRH would do the same if they were aware of the situation and maybe less gently. Buffy at least retains some support system under the PTB plan.

As for using my mind to write stories instead of other more sinister purposes, I just don't have the resources of Luthor, Doc Doom, or Hydra to have a more creative effect on the world.
Review By [bradsan] • Date [25 Dec 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "And the Lucky Winner Is . . ." from MultiverseBeliever
Good story .... does Xander get to eventually tell giles who he is ? if not could it happen?
Review By [MultiverseBeliever] • Date [16 Oct 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Preparations" from Gideon
There seems top be a lot of brooding going around :) At least we can count on Cordelia to continue to get things done! She would make a great project manager.
Review By [Gideon] • Date [14 Oct 12] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Preparations" from borgrabbit
Hey! Nice to see an update!

Well. Well. Well.
A deep haiku for you:

Poor child of great strife
Lives her complicated life
Stormy horizon
Review By [borgrabbit] • Date [13 Oct 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Preparations" from Oxnate
Glad to see another chapter of this. Also loved seeing Jono brought in as the new geek. Not sure if I like that he got brought in without a demonstration. I don't think Giles would have given The Speech unless he thought the kid either already knew something or was very open. But that's a very minor point.

Good Job
Review By [Oxnate] • Date [13 Oct 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Good-bye" from Gideon
Finally someone reads the riot act to Willow's parents. I guess they are slightly more likely to take notice than Xander's parents would be but it certainly took a bit of effort for Giles to get their attention even partially focused where it should be.
I wonder if Xander could get around the "ghost wards" by possessing a vampire? Then he could listen in and direct the conversation if he needed to do so. If not I'm sure Giles will come up with something :)
Comments from author:
An earlier chapter had Whistler telling him he couldn't possess vampires.
Review By [Gideon] • Date [22 Aug 12] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Good-bye" from serenityselena
Xander made an interesting discovery....
Giles really managed to arrange things for Willow...
looking forward to finding out what happens next ^_^
Review By [serenityselena] • Date [22 Aug 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Good-bye" from Cdog
I knew she wasn't going to be a part of the Slayage anymore, but it's still kind of sad to see Willow leaving.
Review By [Cdog] • Date [21 Aug 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Good-bye" from Greywizard
Both of the Rosenbergs need to be bitch-slapped until I get tired of watching - which probably wouldn't take more than twenty-three to twenty-four hours, at a rough guess.

I like the way this chapter is wrapping up some of the less important details. Good job.
Comments from author:
Thanks. I considered making them more amenable to moving Willow but it just didn't feel right.
Review By [Greywizard] • Date [20 Aug 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Good-bye" from Oxnate
I vote 'no' to a Willow sub story if only for the reason that it looks like it will be a Superman story and the man of steel is just too powerful for a Buffyverse story IMHO.

Now the question is whether the anti-ghost wards will knock Xander out if they're already merged. I assume they will prevent him from being called if she's already inside the boundary.
Comments from author:
If I do it, it will be quite a ways in the future. I hope to finish some of my current crop before watering and fertilizing any more. Besides, most BtVS crosses with Supes have him abide by a code of jurisdiction where he only becomes involved if asked. Leaving him to take care of the bigger threats. Besides Willow could end up only interacting with the secondary characters like her cousin.
Review By [Oxnate] • Date [20 Aug 12] • Not Rated
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