Review of story "The Headmaster's Daughter" from Cutiepie
Really, we haven't seen enough of Allison to call her a 'Mary Sue' yet. I refuse to judge until we've been more properly introduced.
On the other hand, for being four chapters into the story, I feel that we don't know much of anything yet. I'd like to request that you go deeper into the surroundings of the plot, tell us more about what is happening. It feels like you are either trying to set up some sort of suspense (but it isn't working) or else that you are kind of glossing everything over. Work on the double D's: dialogue and description! =] And Thank You for writing at all in the first place.
Comments from author:
Thanks dear... but as some lovely people at the pit of evil let me know, she has many sue qualities... just no color changing eyes. As soon as I can beat my muse into letting me at more of the story... I promise to attempt delving into the plot. Sorry that it feels like I'm trying to build suspense or glossing over things. I didn't mean to.
Review By [Cutiepie
] • Date [4 Aug 04] • Not Rated • Edit Comment
Review of story "The Headmaster's Daughter" from Anonymous Reviewer
luv the very original story line, it'll be intrerestin to see just how dark willow is with her new wand. hope she kicks ass.
Review By [Anonymous Reviewer] • Date [14 May 03] • Not Rated • Add Comment