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Dances With Vampires

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Review of chapter "Dances With Vampires" from spike
Review:
I like the premise and Buffy finally gets what she deserves but its unfinished
Review By [spike] • Date [4 Apr 08] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Dances With Vampires" from Anonymous Reviewer
Review:
I feel as if I did not explain clearly enough what I belive needs corrected in your writing, so I will
provide this example.


( ?Hey, Will I?m gonna go to the bathroom? Buffy yelled on her way out the door. Buffy had been
gone for twenty minutes when Willow decided to go look for her. Willow walked down the hall
towards the bathroom when she heard voices coming from the cafeteria. Willow walked into the
room to find Buffy and Oz making out. Willow gasped and ran out of the building toward her house.)

I would suggest rewriting the above paragraph like this:

{"Hey Will, I'm gonna go to the bathroom" Buffy yelled on her way out the door. After close to
twenty minutes of waiting on Buffy, Willow decided to go look for her. First she went in the direction
of the girl's bathroom, but heard voices coming from the direction of the cafeteria. One of the voices
sounded like Buffy, so Willow entered to find her Best friend and Boyfriend making out. Willow
gasped in shock, and started to yell at them, but no words would come. Feeling as if her whole
world were falling apart she fled the building. }

What this does is eliminate the sense of repeating words and phrases.
Good luck,
Lynn.
Review By [Anonymous Reviewer] • Date [28 Aug 03] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Dances With Vampires" from Anonymous Reviewer
Review:
The basic plot of Dances with Vampires has been written many times in this particular genre,
and the writing lacks proper grammatical structure. However, you show promise with your song
fic, as well as originality. I encourage you to continue writing and to seek the assistance of a
beta reader. Good luck with your writing.

Should you wish to improve your writing skills, I reccomend a book entitled "The Elements of Style"
written by William Strunk Jr. One more book comes to mind, one written by Steven King called
"On Writing" You will most likely be able to find these books at your public library or on
www.amazon.com
Review By [Anonymous Reviewer] • Date [28 Aug 03] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Dances With Vampires" from Anonymous Reviewer
Review:
No reviews???
Review By [Anonymous Reviewer] • Date [27 Aug 03] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Dances With Vampires" from Anonymous Reviewer
Review:
MKAY, I WROTE THIS!!!!! IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY TO BE ABLE TO READ MY OWN FANFIC ONLINE. IT ISNT VERY GOOD BUT ITS MY BEST...
Review By [Anonymous Reviewer] • Date [24 Aug 03] • Not Rated
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