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Twilight Dragon

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Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Vassago
Short, rushed, and I'd like to know what the hell was going on in the first scene.

Why did an army attack a Celestial and a Dragon? What type of dragon was that? What plane were they on? What is their backstory? Who was the guy in Red Armor? Who was the person/being that came after the battle?

How old was Xander when he was sent away? If he was less than 3 I seriously doubt he could remember what he was, much less where he came from. I find it more likely that he would spontaneously come into his power in his desire to save Dawn and stop Glorificus than him remembering something from him being a baby.

This does not seem like Xander at all either. I highly doubt Xander would fight who or what he was if it could have helped him save his friends, including Jesse.
Review By [Vassago] • Date [27 Aug 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "AN" from Beth
Hey htere...still waiting to read the continuation of this story. I think it has a lot of potential...Please update soon?
Review By [Beth] • Date [26 Apr 09] • Rating [6 out of 10]
Review of chapter "AN" from micedden
like te story hope the see more soon.
Review By [micedden] • Date [20 Feb 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Jonakhensu
Somehow, I can see Dawn somehow finding out that Xander is alive and make her way to him. She had a crush on him before, what will sacrificing himself for her do? Besides which, I find the idea of a Key dragon to be amusing... The breath weapon might be a little overpowered, though. Nothing quite like banishing your enemies to realities where D&D magic does NOT work...
Comments from author:
Wasn't planning too, but it is too good an idea to let go, I will try it.
Review By [Jonakhensu] • Date [17 Aug 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Toras
An interesting beginning. I look foward to seeing where you go with this, there are so few good BtVS/Dungeons and dragons crossovers.
Review By [Toras] • Date [16 Aug 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Bluesnowman
Very good start.
Review By [Bluesnowman] • Date [16 Aug 08] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Bobboky
very cool
Review By [Bobboky] • Date [16 Aug 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from (Current Donor)Shieldage

OOH! Follow this link, scroll down to Post #4 and read the tag under 'Alternate Dragon Alignments'

It is quality and probably useful for what you're working with :D
Review By [(Current Donor)Shieldage] • Date [15 Aug 08] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Ahdamnit
It doesn't seem bad but it moves kind of fast. You might wanna slow the next chapter down. Make sure you take a good amount of time on each segment without taking too much time. Fill out each with the reactions and thoughts of at least a few people when possible, especially when you do something that reveals a lot, like what Xander really was. Failing that at least give us a good description of what is going on even if you think people might already know what is going on in a scene. Don't leave people guessing on wth just happened in any scene unless that was your specific intention for mysteries sake and all that jazz.

Be a little descriptive with his surroundings and such. With the last section what do we know other then he's in a forested area on a trail? There has to be more description then that. Where there any sounds? What did the trees look like? Is there anymore then one sun in the sky? What is he felling right now about not remembering jack crap? Is he already formulating any plans to help him?

Make sure to watch your ratio of speech to non speech some people won't like it if there isn't enough talking. Since this chapter was pretty short it doesn't really seem like a problem, but it could be.
Comments from author:
Thank you for the advice, the only reason this on was so short was it was basically a prologue.
Review By [Ahdamnit] • Date [15 Aug 08] • Not Rated
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