I hope you plan on continuing this soon, it is quite good and I am eager to find out what happens next. In particular, I can't wait for the Atlantis team to discover that they found several ZPMs on Earth, and for Buffy & friends to find out about the Stargate and Atlantis.
First off, I have just found this story, which is why I never wrote a review.
I have to say that I love it! First off I love the teaming of Willow Spike and Illyria. The three looking for atonement, well, the two. ;) And I love the idea of them falling to Atlantis. Though with the Doctor in the infirmary recognizing Willow and Spike, and they him, it is interesting to see that they are in the same dimension. I am surprised that Sheppard/Weir haven't talked to said Doctor to see if they can get information out of him. Or a call back to Earth to get info and/or let SGC know that they have some unwelcomed guests that got through the shield.
I do hope that you write more to this tale. And though I have never Beta'd before, I would be more then willing to help out.
Review By [Alora] • Date [4 Feb 09] • Rating [9 out of 10]
I considered that this was an au verse story until you introduced a character familiar to the trio. They didn't want to submit their proof of credibility just so they could keep secrets? I enjoyed the story. The Wraith or Michael figure here?
Comments from author:
Good point 'bout the au, will amend. Classified and all that, plus potentially will put people back home at risk was my thought. And of course I needed to kick em out of Atlantis to meet the wraith etc.
Interesting story. I'm still reading but your syntax needs some work. You use way too many commas. In your very first sentence:
"Willow smiled as Spike tried once more to engage Illyria, in an attempt to avoid helping with the cataloging."
That's not a clause so the comma is unnecessary. Then in the second sentence you do the exact same thing! Also, in your response to another review I saw you write about identifying speakers. You say you're not skilled enough to avoid a lot of "Willow said". In a word: don't. "Willow said" is great. Preferred. If Willow is talking to Xander and it's just the two of them speaking for a while, after the first lines you can leave off identifiers. But you need them if more than two people are involved or it's otherwise more complicated. And for god's sake don't do the thing with "the red haired witch spoke", "the one-eyed carpenter with weird fashion sense exclaimed". People like to avoid repetition in their writing, but names and words like "said" do not count. They're there to make your dialogue easier to follow and if it's done well the eyes just flow over them to what matters, the next person speaking. So contrary to what seems to be your instinct: when in doubt use "Name said". It will be the best option almost every time.
Comments from author:
Noted, Thanks for reviewing. I've had an offer of help re the grammar etc.
Review By [raisins] • Date [10 Nov 08] • Not Rated
I love the dynamics between Willow, Spike, and Illyria, and I wonder if there's something in their particular combination of gifts (particularly their less-magical gifts -- for instance, their status as reformed and reforming dangers to humanity and their belief in second chances and forgiveness?) that might open up further story possibilities.
I, for one, would love to see if these three might be able to 'reform' the Wraith-human-hybrid-uber-villain known as "Michael" in the SGA verse, without having to seriously re-arrange his anatomy, either through imposed genetic alteration or magic-assisted demonic dis-membering.
(I'm particularly thinking of the Michael in late season 4 who had tinkered with his own genetics to the point of no longer needing to feed on humans, and even though this story is set earlier in the SGA storyline, when Elizabeth Weir is still in command, perhaps Michael's thirst for vegeance on the Atlantis crew could be turned in less destructive directions and much sooner, given the intervention of beings who've both 'been there' and 'done that' on the murderous-revenge kick, and who are currently strong enough to survive a protracted 'conversation' with him, long enough to make him actually listen and use that free will he's so determined to retain?)
Of course, maybe that's just me -- I felt that Michael's character was grossly mis-handled in the writing of the later seasons of SGA, denying all possibility of redemption (which is always a theme near and dear to my heart in the Buffyverse).
Comments from author:
Oooh I really like the Michael idea, course getting there from the current point - no clue. May have to blatently cheat and write a 'sequel' :0) Hmmm, that's got the muses all worked up, sadly they're still slow as s£%t.....
Review By [RevDorothyL] • Date [20 Oct 08] • Rating [9 out of 10]
While I like the premise of your story, it has a few weaknesses in it:
There is no 'r' in Chappa'ai.
A connection to the Chappa'ai in Atlantis is too big of a stretch for believability as written. The device (which is small, so limited range) would have most likely have connected to the nearest Stargate, which is the one at the SGC in Colorado Springs, not to one in the Pegasus galaxy. It takes orders of magnitude more power to connect to a Chappa'ai in another galaxy than to one in our own, so it couldn't have connected outside of the Milky Way.
The Scoobies (honorary perhaps, but useful for identification here) answered questions with very short statements full of references to events that the SGA people would not know of, so the answers given would make no sense. It needs fleshing out. Also, some statements were made by people who were not identified, causing a bit of confusion as to who said it without a rereading of parts.
In Canonverse, Illyria's reign was back when Earth still had a reducing atmosphere (no oxygen yet), which was over 1 billion years ago (or at least only many millions if the catastrophists are right about Carbon-14/12 ratios [and others] being changed drastically in the past, skewing accepted measurements), not mere thousands of years. Her statement of mortal life being "muck beneath our feet" referred to the highest form of mortal life at that point being just a slime mold like organism living on shoreline tidal flats.
There was only a tiny allusion to part of the military knowing about the 'nightlife', which should be fully elaborated upon, with details about the Initiative, including Spike mentioning that it got started as part of the OSS.
Angel and Spike are the only vampires with souls, so they are the only ones who are not evil. You made it seem as if there are more.
Comments from author:
All totally valid points, can't particularly justify just needed the mcguffin(s) to get the guys there! As for the who's speaking thing, I know but I lack the literary skill to avoid the horrid "_" said Willow. "x" replied John. Etc etc! Shall have to see if I can fix any of this....
Review By [theunixer] • Date [19 Oct 08] • Not Rated
