Review of chapter "Chapter 2" from theunixer
I like this story. As others have written earlier, it has real potential.
I do have some comments/advice (butting in?).
1. PLEASE add chapters much more frequently (like once a week at least). Six months is way WAY too long.
2. You put in too many people. 5 million? The US military is under 3 million and that includes reserve and National Guard (who are under State control).
3. You seem to be also recapitulating 'The Axis Of Time' trilogy ('Weapons Of Choice', 'Designated Targets', and 'Final Impact') by John Birmingham. In it, in 2021 a multinational taskforce ends up just prior to the Battle of Midway, preventing it from happening while sustaining much damage. They change things by their presence (like the war ending in 1944 via multiple nukes, which none of the ships in the taskforce carried). It is a new timeline that branches off from theirs (martered Hillary Clinton was President of the US before 2021).
4. Privately, many physicists admit to believing in the 'Many Worlds' theory of the Universe. That means there are multiple timelines, the multiverse really does exist. While the original timeline ('The Final Countdown' one) CAN'T be changed, as was explained in the movie (and the novel by Martin Caidin - yes, I did read it, it's even better than the movie), it does allow you to actually change history in your story. How all that future technology affects things (all those startup companies created by the 21st century crew [and ex-crew] members recaptitulating Silicon Valley) during the war (and a sequal for after the war ends? - Supersonic Gound Effect Vehicles [see Net Assets, by Karl Bussjaeger, available for free downloading at http://www.bussjaeger.org
] as a first stage of REALLY cheap Space Mini-shuttles perhaps).
5. And why a Non-Buffy story anyway? Why couldn't the new Watchers Council (by whatever name you want it to be) having a team (3 or better 5 Slayers for this one, Watcher, Mage and/or Witch, and Tech people) as part of it, by Presidential order? The Council wants a team because of Slayer Dreams giving a (cryptic of course) warning.
Again, I like your story. Please continue it.
Trying to answer some of your points.
1. Will try but with much research into modern militaries and equipment for accuracy may take longer add to that the possible course of events things could take. I need an aspirin.
2. Maybe. I'll probably now have to lower it.
3. Never heard of it. It won't be that easy.
4. The axis now also have forces in the past. Going to be using only equipment that actually is in use.
5. Well I could include Angel and Spike, maybe Darla and Dru but I didn't want to.
Review By [theunixer
] • Date [29 Apr 09] • Rating [9 out of 10]