Review of chapter "Chapter 25" from Izar
This is a true work of art it's with out a doubt one of the best stories i have ever read and reading it never fails to make me smile.
Review By [Izar
] • Date [27 May 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 25" from GothTroubleMaker
Review By [GothTroubleMaker
] • Date [1 Nov 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 25" from Malyce
This isn't a terrible story premise, but the handling of it was a little clumsy. It was not made clear at all why Buffy decided that Lynn was a better name for her... in fact given that Buffy herself had a very strong personality, I rather doubt she would have meekly decided to rename herself and the name Lynn doesn't suit her at all. Many readers may not agree with me and that's okay, but for myself, you did rather alter Buffy from a strong, fairly passionate and yet humorous young woman into a weak willed paler spectre of herself. The one incident that rather stood out for me was the one in the garage where Victoria confronts her. I get it that in Meyer's vamp world the vamps are virtually indestructible, but Buffy is the Slayer...even as Lynn, she is still the Slayer and I rather think that she would have given Victoria a run for her money even if, at the end, Victoria managed to overcome her.
Buffy was, if nothing else, loyal to her calling. After she killed Angel in order to stop Acathla dragging earth into hell, she did run, but even then she wasn't some weakling who couldn't look after herself. Even as Anne, she got herself a job and somewhere to live. She had initiative, an initiative that was totally lacking in your depiction of the character. Amnesia itself does not turn a strong person into a weak person, true emotionally she would have needed support while suffering which the Cullens gave her, but I think that the loyalty to her calling as the Slayer would have meant that she went back to Sunnydale and returned to guard the Hellmouth which was, in fact, why she was there in the first place. Your statement about another Slayer is problematic, given that Kendra, the Slayer who was called when the Master killed Buffy, was actually killed in the run up to Buffy and Angelus's battle where Willow returned Angel's soul. I can only assume that the Slayer you were referring to had to have been Faith, but you did not make that clear. Remember that you are writing for a fandom where readers will know all of the details of what happened in the show, therefore you need to be very very clear about sequence of events. As it is you dealt with that very untidily and it was not clear which other Slayer you were referring to.
The other thing is that in spite of Joyce telling Buffy not to come back at the end of the battle over Acathla was not done out of spite. Joyce had just been handed one hell of a lot of terrifying information concerning her daughter who she loved. She wasn't given time to deal with it and reacted with a knee-jerk, just like a lot of mothers would. It didn't mean that she didn't love Buffy or that she didn't want her daughter back. Your depiction of Joyce's reaction to Buffy's return is also a little untidy. I doubt that she would have banned Buffy from phoning the Cullens, although I imagine she would have wanted to know who this family were. Joyce was a reasonable woman, not some kind of despot.
Your writing is not bad at all, however you really really need to think about getting a good beta reader instead of relying on the spell check because some of the words that were substituted ranged from downright hilarious to a little off putting...somebody already mentioned the menstruations and I certainly spotted that Lynn/Buffy sat down on Edward's 'coach'. You may not think that such things are important, but believe me if they happen a lot it can put a reader off.
I personally feel that Buffy actually changed into another character entirely...a sort of blend between Bella and Buffy... it felt to me almost as if the worst aspects of both characters had been melded together to make Lynn. Buffy was stronger, faster, healed faster, could hear and see better than the average human and yet none of that came through in the characterisation of Lynn. Now I know you are probably going to throw your dolls out of the pram at this and tell me that it's my problem if I want to think this about your story, but surely if you're going to produce a story like this you would want it to be the best it can be? And I can tell from the story, even with my criticisms, that you are a more than capable writer and even more capable of producing a splendid story if you just kept to continuity and didn't gloss over parts that you perhaps felt at a loss to explain, like the throwaway decision to have another Slayer take Buffy's place in Sunnydale because you needed to have her in Forks...not patrolling in Sunnydale cemeteries.
When you come to write your sequel, if you haven't already started, then do try and be careful when you are tying situations up in order to further your own plot... your decisions have to be believable simply because every time you play in some other person's sandbox (in this case Stephenie Meyer's and Joss Whedons) you want the readers to fully understand why you have gone down a certain route. You don't want them to be sitting there in the middle of the story, scratching their heads and saying "Huh?". Also look at your characters and see how they are in their original form. For example, Buffy isn't a weak, frightened, whiny person in the series, so don't make her one in your story. She can be worried, concerned, emotional and even a little afraid of something unknown that she is facing, but her natural strength from her Slayer heritage means that she is a person who bounces back quickly and is not afraid to stand on her own two feet. Once you start to deviate far from the original characterisation you are wandering into dangerous realms. To those readers who are primarily fans of Twilight, they won't mind because they prefer the Twilight characters anyway. They won't care if Buffy turns into the exact opposite of who she actually is. However the actual Buffy fans will not react well and this is, primarily, a Buffy fansite.
I do hope that you take my criticisms constructively, because they are meant that way. You are capable of producing some very good work.
Review By [Malyce
] • Date [3 Dec 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 25" from Ansku
Review By [Ansku
] • Date [4 Aug 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 25" from nightshadowlife
OMG I just read this from the beginning to end and I love it!!! Its beautifully written and well thought out and can't wait to see the next story!!!!! AWESOME
Review By [nightshadowlife
] • Date [1 Apr 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 25" from Voldemort
I've never seen Twilight or read it but I love the story..
I hope you will write a sequel maybe interaction with the scoobies ?
Review By [Voldemort
] • Date [3 Mar 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 25" from BuffyCC
I LOVE this story. Your doing such a great job with it. Your so talented. You've made Lynn's personality the same. However, with the change of Buffy's appearance and Buffy's name, it feels different. That's the only thing I don't like about it. However, I love everything else, keep doing a awesome job! Oh, and you should definetly make a sequel.
Review By [BuffyCC
] • Date [28 Nov 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 25" from immortalsilence
love this fic, must have more pretty please
Review By [immortalsilence
] • Date [26 Nov 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 25" from KikiLeigh
Please do a sequel!
Comments from author:
If I do a sequel to this story (which I want to). It will have to be after I finish my current fic. What with school, work, and keeping track of my sister and brother, I don't have time to write two things at once. I might try, but it would be really slow going until I finished my other twilight fic.
Review By [KikiLeigh
] • Date [25 Oct 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 25" from Fritolays
I really liked this story and I hope you decide to keep with the sequel! I would love to see what they are all up to now, how everything in Sunnydale went, if the family is back together again, and if Bella gets changed :)
Review By [Fritolays
] • Date [22 Sep 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 25" from Raider
I for one enjoyed this story, and hope to soon read the sequel, as I found this to be a very easy and enjoyable read.
I mean, I powered on through this story like I did the first twilight book, and that only happens when a story's particularly good.
Review By [Raider
] • Date [28 Aug 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 25" from talislyre
I enjoyed this story, but almost didn't finish the last chapter because of the spelling/grammar errors. The quality dropped dramatically. Too bad.
Review By [talislyre
] • Date [20 Jul 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 25" from SlytherinSlayer
this story was absolutely amazing! Please write the sequel! great job,
Comments from author:
Well thank you for the positive input, I have not decided if I'm going to do a sequil of not. I have started writing a new story, so if I do write a sequel it might be a while. If you have read any of the Anita Blake books you should go check out my new story. Don't know if it will be your taste, but perhaps you will like it.
Review By [SlytherinSlayer
] • Date [2 Jun 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 25" from grrovvyhevens
I loved this story.
Loved the Emmett/Lynn/Rosalie.
It was a bit sad that Buffy was changed so soon, I was hoping for a New Moon sort of moment.
Seeing Buffy/Lynn meet the scoobies again - Giles trying to stake her.
Spike, Lynn, Emmett and Rosalie go see Angel.
Review By [grrovvyhevens
] • Date [23 May 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 25" from ArinnaBlack
This was a really great story and I liked it a lot. I really enjoyed your portrayal of Buffy, she was more unique and intelligent unlike in most fanfics where she comes across as either stupid or oblivious. You managed to change her character from the show to fit the story without making her into a Mary-Sue.
Great fic, I hope you'll be starting a sequel? :)
Review By [ArinnaBlack
] • Date [22 May 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]