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We've Been Waiting

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Review of chapter "The Ten Days" from ChefJackButler
Review:
Physical and emotional abuse aa the basis for love. I didn't think stories like that worked anymore.
Review By [ChefJackButler] • Date [15 Dec 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "The Spirit World" from bookworm
Review:
I just discovered this story tonight, and have now stayed up far too late reading it. I thought I should let you know I'm really enjoying it, and look forward to the point when you have time/inspiration to keep going. Keep up the good work!

-Scott
Review By [bookworm] • Date [13 Jun 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "The Spirit World" from starshinedown
Review:
This has been lovely to read. I do hope you're able to come back to it and complete it; I want to know what trouble Dawn gets into!
Review By [starshinedown] • Date [25 Mar 11] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "The Spirit World" from Fantasymania
Review:
GAH! When are you going to update?! The suspense is killing me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Review By [Fantasymania] • Date [7 Feb 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "The Spirit World" from angrymonkey
Review:
somehow missed the passed half dozen updates, glad to see new chapters.
Review By [angrymonkey] • Date [31 Jan 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "The Spirit World" from Currchan
Review:
This is a really good story. Please continue.
Comments from author:
Thanks! Its not been abandoned...just some writer's block and lack of time. An update will come one day.
Review By [Currchan] • Date [19 Jan 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "The Spirit World" from CageFire
Review:
This is a pretty interesting story, I'll be looking forward to reading future chapters. I hope this is updated soon.
Comments from author:
Thanks for reviewing. I'm not sure how soon, but it *is* being written. A new chapter will be out by the new year I hope.
Review By [CageFire] • Date [15 Dec 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "The Spirit World" from organicmagic
Review:
Very good; looking forward to more.
Comments from author:
Thank you! The next chapter is coming along slowly.
Review By [organicmagic] • Date [11 Oct 10] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "The Spirit World" from (Past Donor)Aomizuoko
Review:
*waves* Hello, its me again! I read this chapter a while ago, but apparently I forgot to review.

There isn't much I can say that hasn't been addressed already. I really liked how you've got this whole conflict between all the characters; Dawns naivety and inexperience as a heroine really shows with the conversation with the spirit. My first thought when seeing him, by the way, was 'oh shit, the first'.

Dawn is such a trusting character; I love how you've showed that here without whacking us in the face with it. She tends to befriend those others don't deem worthy. Like her mother, she looks beyond the surface almost subconsciously and finds the best of the worst people. Though, that isn't saying that Iroh and Zuko are bad people. The choices they made were bad sure, but even if they're the enemy, they're human too. In that respect, the challenge will be much greater than anything Buffy ever faced.

This did kind of strike me as an info-dump chapter, but it was reminiscent of the episode arch shown in Avatar, so I think it worked well. I'm so eager to read more! I'm curious to see how you write the avatar gang and what kind of affect Dawn will have on them when they finally meet!
Comments from author:
Hello again! Thanks so much for the review! First, just let me say I'm sorry this is two month late. I usually reply to reviews when I'm working on a chapter, or just posted the next update, but I haven't had much chance to work on it this semester. That aside, I always think its insanely rude when authors don't respond to reviews, so I hope you can forgive me.

I'm glad the meeting with the spirit seems to have gone over okay. He actually does have a role in the story later on besides being the bringer of the info-dump. Sadly, it was definitely an info-dump, but I thought since they pretty much did that during the episode in the show maybe people would forgive me lol.

I'm really excited to write the meeting with the Gaang too. There's some scenes in 'Jet' I'm really looking forward to! An update *is* in progress, but it is very heavily tied into an episode, and I haven't had access to my Avatar DVDs. It will come eventually!
Review By [(Past Donor)Aomizuoko] • Date [11 Oct 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "The Spirit World" from MountainKing
Review:
Okay then, this is interesting in a way I didn't expect.

Taking the usual "Dawn was the one to jump..." AU and throwing her into Aang's world wouldn't have occurred to me and when I saw it I knew I had to at least try and read it.

Now it's not perfect by any stretch, but your story is good. You've adressed a couple of issues that the cartoon didn't dare, like cross nation breeding and child abandonment, in getting Dawn on Zuko's ship that could do with more investigation. You've also captured the cabin fever aspects for Dawn as well, as a teenager in our time she's bombarded with things to do or stimulate her. Being locked in a metal box with nothing more than learning an alien language would be next of kin to torture. Just as I thought she should be climbing the walls looking for something to do you had her make mischief with Zuko's armour. A very Dawn thing to do, as that poor lamp (and Miss Kittyfantastico) knows all to well.

My concern is the romance you're developing between Dawn and Zuko. Not only are you driving a freight train through both cannon, but possibly doing the character of Mai a disservice. The trick that made Avatar so watch-able, in my opinion at least, was how the characters played out and off each other. For example it was Mai's love of Zuko that gave her the courage to stand up to Azula, that in turn drove the already off balance princess over the edge into madness. Now I don't doubt that Dawn, with access to all the elements, could wipe the floor with the insane princess it was far more interesting watching the cheese slide off her cracker. Adding a complex tragedy to the character and making her almost sympathetic. Avatar is so tightly written that any change, other than peripheral, completely changes the story. Those changes are going to be measured against the original and if you're not careful they might not measure up.

I am curious to see how you deal with it, and hope it's not going to be an info dump. As my other concern is just how Dawn's learning about this world. Two chapters devoted to exposition from all knowing sprits doesn't help.
If in her lessons Iroh gave her a history book to read from, gently correcting the propaganda she could slowly discover, piece by piece, the truth. Don't forget that after the death of his son Iroh became disillusioned with the war and by the time Zuko was banished saw it as cruel and unnecessary. He was training Zuko to stop the war when he became Fire Lord throughout the show.

Sorry, I like Avatar so much and I want to see you do it justice. I can tell that, despite my nitpicking, you're a good enough writer to do just that. The only reason I'm picking your work appart with a fine tooth comb is I've see so meny people mess up great ideas and I've done it myself too meny times to count. It's usually the little things that trip you up and I don't want to see that here.

A good story that with a tiny bit of care can ultimately be be fantastic.

Thomas
AKA Mountain King
Comments from author:
Ok, when I first saw your review in my inbox I had a mild heart-attack. Just from the length I thought it was about to rip my fragile ego apart. But after reading it I want to very much say thank you. The amount of thought you put into it and the issues you raise are about the best praise I think an author can get; someone who takes the time to help you make it better with frank, helpful criticism.

On the risk of giving away plot points, I'm going to try and respond as openly as I can. First, Dawn/Zuko romance. I agree this story will have to walk a very fine line in regards to Mai. Dawn and Zuko are in very, very early days. I have no intention of throwing them head long into a relationship. Frankly, any time before his short lived epiphany in season 2, Zuko is not in any way, shape, or form ready for one. This story is about Dawn coming into her own and although in this stage it may not seem like that, her romance with Zuko will always take a back seat to that. I hope this will become more obvious in the second half of the story. I never loved Azula more than during her breakdown when we saw some moments of humanity with Ursa. Everyone of the characters on the show had a story worth telling and I don't want to take that away. The Avatar series is amazing and you're right; any changes I make will be very tough to pull of without losing anything from the original.

The next part of the story will focus on Dawn interacting with the world outside and forming her own judgments based on her experiences and what she's been told. There's no rule that says what the spirit told her is legit. She's seen with her own eyes that not all Fire Nation are ruthless killers. She needs to get out there to learn what being an Avatar means; if she's capable of pulling off what they want her too and if her way of doing it is even compatible with what they want from her.

This is my first attempt at any fanfiction like this. I'm sure there's a lot of pot holes out there to fall into and I'm doing my best to avoid them, but I'll be the first to admit its very difficult. Having someone looking in from the outside, seeing things an author misses, is beyond helpful. There's also not much else out there to compare with, in regards to this sort of crossover. Its exciting being the first, but also a bit intimidating. More than anything I want to do Avatar justice. The show is a masterpiece. Nothing I write is ever going to measure up, but I hope playing in their world won't take anything away from it and the story will have its own merits.

Please, please DO continue to nitpick. I appreciate it!
Review By [MountainKing] • Date [9 Oct 10] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "The Spirit World" from RosytheCat
Review:
I KNEW IT. Dawn is a cross between Muddy McDreadlocks the first slayer and Kendra/Faith as far as the Avatar shebang goes! What do I win?

-- Rosy
Comments from author:
You're spot on! You win...a virtual cookie, and my undying love for reviewing :)
Review By [RosytheCat] • Date [1 Oct 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "The Spirit World" from calikocat
Review:
Awesome installment! Loved Dawn's reaction to this, she was in superb form! And of course I eagerly await whatever you have planned next. ^^
Comments from author:
Thank you! I want to build her up to a hero in her own right, and I thought this chapter she was starting to move a bit in that direction.
Review By [calikocat] • Date [28 Sep 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "The Spirit World" from LetsRandom
Review:
I'm really enjoying your story so far. It just worked out that I had recently re-watched all of Book 1 just last week. Do the two Avatars meet soon? Looking forward to future updates.
Comments from author:
Zuko and Dawn will bump into the GAang at the fire temple, which will be chapter 16. Thanks for the review!
Review By [LetsRandom] • Date [25 Sep 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "The Spirit World" from borgrabbit
Review:
Haiku fu:

Dearth of reviews—bad
Take heart—your story is art
Girl left in cold—sad

•│•│•│•│•│•│•│•│•│•│•│•│•

Very nice chapter! Worth the wait. May your muse continue to smile.
Comments from author:
Aw thanks! I love your haikus. I hope it keeps smiling too.
Review By [borgrabbit] • Date [25 Sep 10] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "The Spirit World" from BerserkerNW
Review:
Really good chapter. Having Dawn meet a (the?) fox spirit was awesome. I can see her meeting up with a fox more easily than a panda. So how's she going to get the Water Tribe to teach her something other than healing? Will her Avatar-ness overrule the fact that she's female? Thanks for sharing this!
Comments from author:
Hm, well I'm thinking they must be exceptions, since they clearly can do more than heal from what we see in the show. I'm planning a scene with her and Yugoda to address more about the different circumstances for female Avatars.

And the fox spirit will be showing up again too :) Thanks for reviewing!
Review By [BerserkerNW] • Date [25 Sep 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
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