Review of chapter "Chapter Eight" from BlueEyedBrigadier
Wonderful start to what I think is a great story...just kinda wish it didn't drop off rather suddenly, ya know?
Still, I am impressed and would love to see more one day! Especially parts exploring Buffy's increasing immersion into the Slayer essence.
Comments from author:
I'm not sure if I'll ever come back to this (and I never say that about my stories).
This is (basically) the first fanfic/serious attempt at a story I ever did, and it's embarrassingly rough, especially the first half or so. Not that I don't love it on general principles, and not that I don't like certain sections quite a lot on their own merits, but still....
Review By [BlueEyedBrigadier
] • Date [29 Apr 14] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Eight" from dhelm
Love this story, hope someday you continue it.
Review By [dhelm
] • Date [24 Jul 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Eight" from Caminus
I've noticed that in your fanfic everything seems to be a little bit more powerful than it seemed to me in cannon, (and most fanfics). Willow's already doing big protection circles at the end of Season 3, Giles seems either far less reluctant or far more competent with magic, and Buffy seems like she might almost be able to go a couple rounds with cannon Glory sans comically oversized hammer (on that note, I'm quakey-with-fear at how terrifying Glory will be if you ever get around to writing her). I'm a big fan of this slightly larger than life style, but I'm curious if you think that what you're writing is bigger and badder than cannon. Is it you? Is it me? Is it that most fanfic actually tends on the conservative side of cannon, and I've been half brainwashed by reading it all? Was Warren really THAT lucky when he point-blank-critted Buffy with only the aid of a Xander-shaped distraction in Season Six?
Comments from author:
Answering your comment five years later? Sure, why not?
It's not you; I DO write Slayers as somewhat more powerful than they're shown in canon, basically because given what they are (the strongest, most in-evil's-face of Humanity's champions against the endless tide of darkness and evil and the evil dark, they NEED to be a little stronger than shown, to have any kind of chance.
If these girls are going to die so young, giving up their lives to this fight, then for fuck's sake give them the tools they need to at least make a decent showing!
I try to be very careful not to go overboard; you'll notice that pretty much nothing is ever a walkover for Buffy or Faith, even with the slight upgrade, but I also try to make it clear that these girls are MORE. More powerful than humans, more courageous than any demon, more determined than anyone else around (else why would they have been chosen at all?).
It just bugs me immensely when the reality isn't written as living up to what the character should be.
The Goa'uld, for example, in Stargate, are comically underpowered and usually outright stupid on top of it. Most of this, I think, is because of the very sharp limits on the show's budget, because otherwise it's just horribly bad writing. I do plan to do some stuff with the Goa'uld very soon, and I'm going to give them a LARGE powerup; again, to match what they're supposed to be--Godlike rulers of most of our Galaxy, with the technology of a thousand different races to aid them.
Glory too, should have been more than she was, yes.
In a show with no limit on special effects, we would have seen her as something truly awesome, and it would have taken covens of witches, truckloads of heavy weapons, and all the guile the guys could muster to wear her down to where Buffy could go toe to toe with her. I actually kind of liked Glory; she had a lot in common with the villain of this story, Chardonnay (who I had already started writing before season 5, btw), in the slightly dim, massively vain and bratty aspects of her character.
Glory might even show up soon in something I'm writing now; the 'Unquenchable Fire' story.
Oh, and don't get me started on the thing where Warren drops Buffy with one bullet. In one of my stories, she'd have taken that, looked shocked, looked pissed, bounded forward, hammered him to the ground with her fist, and only then would she have sat down hard, pale and shaking, and announced in a small voice that she might have been hit.
I'd rather have seen her get shot four or five times, come at him anyway, and it's only because of a few technotricks that a fleeing, scrambling Warren manages to stay ahead of her long enough for her to weaken and finally fall down (preferably after throwing him through a few fences or something, with a forcefield or whatever letting him survive the hits before it fails as he gets away).
I hate seeing a powerful character get taken down so cheaply. I'm okay if it's earned, if it doesn't make them seem like a loser, or a poser, but too often writers take the cheap and easy way out. I don't like to do that, ever.
Well, hopefully this response finds you still alive and healthy, all these years later.
Review By [Caminus
] • Date [17 Mar 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Four" from laoshi
Not quite so much to say about this Chapter. Your descriptions of Chardonnay and Chanun are very evocative. You expand on the alluring vision of Chardonnay you presented us with in chapter one and Chanun is a lethal and intriguing creation. I think the tiger was an excellent choice to pattern him on.
About there names. I love the name Chardonnay. It's as bad as Buffy for conjuring up all those Valley Girl connotations. Just as the last thing you'd expect a Slayer to be called is Buffy the last thing you'd expect the alluring sophisticated enchantress is Chardonnay. Buffy vs. Chardonnay doesn't exactly give off that the fate of mankind hangs in the balance vibe. Where did the name Chanun come from? Is it based on an actually word or did you create it phonetically. It sounds vaguely like Khanum, which I believe is a kind of Turkish bath.
You reveal just enough of the relationship between Chardonnay and Chanun to leave the reader wanting more.
Review By [laoshi
] • Date [4 Mar 09] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Three" from laoshi
What this story captures so wonderfully is Buffy's day to day existence. It is not outside the realm of possibility that Buffy was able to conceal Blood stains in her clothing and the various incidental wounds she received in the course of her nightly battles with Evil. But how when Buffy suddenly needed to eat enough food to feed a football team at each sitting how did she hide it from Joyce? yes it probably happened gradually after the initial spike but surely she'd notice sometime. You convincingly fill in that blank. It does make you wonder about Buffy's vulnerability. Most threats against Buffy's strength, speed and healing can take care of. For some things like drowning or asphyxiation in general she is as susceptible as a normal human. It's only her increased need for food that makes a Slayer more vulnerable than an ordinary human. I've always wondered why no one has ever written a villain trying to starve a Slayer to death? I'm toying with it for a non-cross I'm outlining at the moment. Perhaps it's because it's difficult to capture a Slayer in the first place.
Joyce's worry about Buffy isn't an area that gets explored by a lot of authors. But she has to live with the knowledge that her daughter goes out every night and risks her life. All mothers have problems with feeling their teenagers are growing away from them. But when you know your daughter isn't entirely human anymore keeping that connection must be that much more difficult. Joyce certainly seems to grasp the fragility of Buffy's existence the possibility of a vampire or other nasty having their one good day against Buffy. It reminds me of a statement the IRA put out after they failed to assassinate Margret Thatcher "Today you were lucky. But we only have to be lucky once; you must be lucky always."
Buffy's experiences with movies are interesting in two ways. To be honest I'd completely forgotten about that aspect of the story. When becuzitswrong explored similar territory in one of his stories I thought he was the first one to get their. But yet again it's you who think so originally about the Buffyverse. Buffy's remarks about not feeling in control of her body also brings home what I was talking about in the previous paragraph: being the Slayer is like being a teenager times 10 million. We all have those moments when were teenagers when our bodies are changing and there's nothing we can do about it. We feel out of control or betrayed by our selves for Buffy it's much, much worse.
You are doing a great job of showing how isolated Buffy is from her friends and family even when they're together. It would be easy to berate Buffy as she says herself in the show for cutting herself off from them. But at worse that is only part of the story. You are constantly reinforcing the differences between Buffy and everybody else. She has to be the Slayer every minute of everyday. The lengths she has to go to do something as run of the mill as playing Volleyball with her friends conveys that difference in a way a thousand different versions of Buffy beats the bad guys into the ground in two seconds flat never could.
Review By [laoshi
] • Date [4 Mar 09] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Seven" from Tripper
I am so excited to see this story show up on this site! I remember reading this fic years ago, loving then and being so captivated by your writing and the story. This is one of my favourite Buffy fics, it is so well written and the way you portray the Slayer is so true to what I think the Slayer is. Thank you and I am very much looking forward to more.
Review By [Tripper
] • Date [3 Mar 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from laoshi
It's amazing how much of your interpretation of what it means to be a Slayer is already present and well thought out in the second chapter of your first story: the boundless energy, the relative weakness of smell in comparison to the other heightened senses, supernatural healing, and the ultra high calorie diet that is necessitated by burning up all that energy.
Other early version of the strengths you've displayed again and again in your work can be found in the chapter. Your mystical weapons are always inventive and used in interesting ways. This chapter is also a good example of your talent for writing fight scenes.
And we get some entertainment as well. Buffy humming the Rocky theme was a nice touch as was her lame knife guy impression.
We get more hints about Buffy's unresolved feelings about Faith in her decision to follow Faith's philosophy for once.
Also an excellent reveal to the reader at the end of the chapter. It's very impressive how you can invest that scene with a sense of menace without a single line of dialogue being uttered. Buffy's thoughts on the eventual lack of mystical weapons in Sunnydale is shown to be the product of complacency.
I really don't know how anyone could not want to immediately read the next chapter just to ind out who the Smith and the mysterious woman are.
Review By [laoshi
] • Date [1 Mar 09] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from laoshi
Oz and Willow are incredibly cute together in this opening chapter. You just don't see any stories with them together anymore. But this should remind everyone why they liked the story in the first place. You've caught Willow in all her geeky insecure glory. It's nice to see her on the cusp of developing her magical abilities before everything goes to hell. And we get a nice bit of musing on her mothers estrangement from Willow.
Your characterization of Oz is excellent the line "A Dance that creates it's own music." is dead on. It's so typical of his koan like pronouncements it could easily have been said on the show. As I've mentioned numerous times before you have a real talent for getting inside the skin of supernatural beings. Most authors never get beyond the being furry a few days a month is inconvenient, but hey enhanced senses are cool stage. You not only point out the problems of processing all that extra information but you pick the thread up later in the chapter to heighten our appreciation of Buffy's skills with a stake.
Buffy's feelings of disconnection from her own body, her purposeless and the idea that she is somehow intruding on her friends is all very disquieting and all but compels the reader on to the next chapter.
One tiny, tiny quibble surely it should be geekier range not geeker range?
Review By [laoshi
] • Date [1 Mar 09] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from greenfalcon
one of the first fanfics I read after first discovering them in college (and four computers ago) and still one I enjoy. I am Happy to here you are going to finish it because this is also one of the first fanfic's I read that went unfinished and presumed dead that upset me because it left me hanging. looking forward to when you get new stuff out and am waiting to update the copy of this on my hard drive
Review By [greenfalcon
] • Date [28 Feb 09] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Three" from exiled
Way cool that you are thinking about finishing this one.
Review By [exiled
] • Date [28 Feb 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Five" from Oblivionwolf
Oh you are perplexing! Seriously, so many good stories now... This story is very entertaining and well written as is usual for you.
I always appreciate in depth exploration of the Slayer condition. The details of what it means to be one are so often overlooked...just usually...super strong, fast...yada yada... You do it well, and I look forward to hearing more.
Your portrayal of the Scoobies seemed very believable and was something I enjoyed. You've captured each one perfectly... from Xander's rambunxiousness and snarky comments...to Oz's contemplative quietness and few but pointed words...to Willow's cute exuberance...and Giles...its all there..
And your villain is very interesting and well thought out, especially the Smith.
Again so much detail! You are a great author...I'm following this new story along with Heroes and Villains, Faerie Dust, and Harmony very closely. What's so perplexing is how much I want to see additions to each of these stories!
Harmony is what drew me in originally and I yearn to see some more of that....following Harmony/Enchantress's fresh view of Sunnydale's strangeness is highly enjoyable (an example of your great details that I liked so much was her noticing Giles had enchanted the library to keep random people out...an idea that just fit so well with canon...)
And Faerie Dust! Please continue it! I absolutely adore that concept though I suspect it will be several chapters before Dawn ensnares her sister completely...yea..not at all bothered by that relationship....
I have a love/hate relationship with Heroes and Villains... I don't care for the callous Buffy but you're creating such an intriguing world that I can't help but be drawn in. The mixing of Buffy's universe with Marvel's is very exciting. I especially like casual references to Marvel institutions like SHIELD as they are common knowledge. Buffy in a world of Superheros and Villains is just very interesting. The twins and their Godclan finally drew me in... I also love Merrie and her cool power and want to see more of her! Well the truth is I actually dislike both Buffy and Faith in this but everything else is so interesting that I can't help but enjoy the story. Can't wait to finally see Cordelia! Oh and of course the mystery around who's running the school is tantalizing.
Comments from author:
::Oh you are perplexing!::
I perplex thee?
All part of my cunning plan, I assure you. The next step?
::Again so much detail! You are a great author...I'm following this new story along with Heroes and Villains, Faerie Dust, and Harmony very closely. What's so perplexing is how much I want to see additions to each of these stories!::
Well, I'd like very much to give you additions to each of those stories.
Working on it when possible, I promise.
::Harmony is what drew me in originally and I yearn to see some more of that..../And Faerie Dust! Please continue it!::
I'm sort of skipping back and forth right now, but yes, making progress on both of those. Hope to post more reasonably soon.
::I have a love/hate relationship with Heroes and Villains... I don't care for the callous Buffy/I actually dislike both Buffy and Faith in this::
Darn. I'm sorry to hear that. I think I keep assuming that everyone is like me, and will forgive Faith and Buffy nearly anything... just because they're Faith and Buffy.
Well, I'll come back to that story eventually. Or possibly sooner, not sure.
Thank you for the great Review.
Review By [Oblivionwolf
] • Date [28 Feb 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Three" from Dootzbugg
Very amusing, I hope to read more soon. :o)
Review By [Dootzbugg
] • Date [27 Feb 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from becuzitswrong
This is one of my favorite fics of all time. I don't even remember where I first read it, but I still haunt your site checking to see if it is finished. What an absolutely fabulous story. I so admire the Slayer you created and what it meant. I still view Buffy and the Slayer the way you painted her in this story. I hope you are inspired to finished the story. Thanks so much for posting it here.
Comments from author:
Hey, thank you.
I'm honestly going to try and finish this one up, by the end of the year at the latest.
Sorry it's been gathering dust for so long.
Review By [becuzitswrong
] • Date [27 Feb 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from TannimU
Wow, this was and still is one of my fave season 1-3 fics. The characterization is solid and growing. I've been waiting for years for you to finish this! Hurry and gimme more!
Comments from author:
Well, see? You're one of the people who deserves an ending for this one.
So I'll see what I can do.
Review By [TannimU
] • Date [26 Feb 09] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from Lupo
Dude! I first read this at "Dreamforge" and it stands well as it is!!!!!!!!!! It is your choice whether to rewrite it or not, but it is outstanding as it is. I still visit "Dreamforge" looking for updates to this story and all that you have posted there.
Please keep writing and posting.................
Comments from author:
I'm trying very hard not to go through and mess with it. It's mostly little things anyway....
And my site has been sadly neglected for a long, long time now. I need to at least post some of my newer stuff there, as well as here.
Anyways, thanks for throwing me a review; hopefully I'll have new chapters for this when I get there.
Review By [Lupo
] • Date [26 Feb 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]