Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from Elleria
A little hard to follow with the going back and forth between the different people but it's interesting. Looking forward to the next bit.
Review By [Elleria
] • Date [28 Apr 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from DaBear
I like how you are mixing the movies, although I think you need to flesh out some of your scenes, a few more details to help build a better visual.
And Two-Faces line at the end : I think you wanted 'Stup up or die.' Not Shup up of die.'
Great story so far though!!
Comments from author:
I do know that I screwed up on the last line, and at some point I'll go back and fix it, but I'm just not up to it at the moment. I'll try to flesh out some of the scenes more, but honestly I'm writing this *through* writers' block. I've been happy to get as much out at I have. I can't promise anything, but I'll certainly try. Thank you very much for reviewing; the constructive criticism is appreciated.
Review By [DaBear
] • Date [3 Mar 09] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from EternalPrelude
This is intriguing so far. I like the tactic of piggybacking "Batman Forever" onto the Dark Knight history. Only real complaint with the story is it's very....scattered, I guess you could say. You don't flesh out things too deeply, it seems. While that works on one level, in the sense that it gives everything an air of mystery and intrigue, in other respects it leaves the story kind of lacking in depth. Not bad so far, though, keep this up.
Comments from author:
Thank you for the very honest review; I appreciate the constructive criticism. In order: I *do* like Batman Forever, so I've been glad that I can fit that in. I'll try to add more depth to my writing. I was going for a mysterious aura, so I'm glad that came across, but honestly I'm trying to write this story through a hunk of writers' block. I was inspired for the first and last chapter of Copper Heroes, but that's about it. I'll try my best to flesh things out more from now on, although I make no promises.
Review By [EternalPrelude
] • Date [2 Mar 09] • Rating [8 out of 10]