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Rules for Challenges

Destiny is an unchangeable constant

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Review of chapter "Chapter One" from ReflectionsOfReality
Review:
This story was kind of interesting and though you did not fall into the trap that most do when facing this set of cross overs (not finishing or abandoning the story) you really rushed it.

Personally I think this reads more like a prologue or summary than a true story but I think that is more because you were telling us what happened more than showing us. A lot of the interactions were missing and there was a tonne missing from the everyday. Like did Methos ever get Xander in bed? Did Xander get Henry James' magic along with his quickening? What about that confrontation made Xander loose trust with his companions?

I sort of imagined a scene where Xander was able to get legal custody of Harry by him having a conversation with the Potters before they were forced into hiding with Xander revealing some of the events and manipulations of the wizarding world with promises either on his magic or with truth serum or a penseive. If he got either a wizard's oath or convinced them to be obliviated then it could have been pulled off without either of them trying to change the timeline.

Other thoughts are things like did Harry get to learn Charmed Ones' styled magic and was Xander able to tell them about the Wizard style as well as the other magics used around the Hellmouth? Is a prank considered personal gain and if not then what might the boys have been able to pull off? And even if Harry can't use charmed magic or Wyatt not able to use wizard could that have changed if they did a blood brother ritual?

What could be done to alter resurrection rituals if they are known of in advance? Could the Goblet of Fire be used to force Harry to reveal himself or would Harry Potter not be enough of a name to allow it to bind him? Even if Harry's blood was not used in the ritual would Xander take precautions so that no one can steal his blood or other substances his body might produce as there are many ways they could be abused in the Wizarding world or any other kind of magic? Like a charm that make his hair or blood unusable in magic after it leaves his body?

OK so some of the questions are really a part of this whole fanfiction realm rather than this specific story but they are relevant.

Liked this story and I wonder if you considered possibly pulling together a sequel. Personally I would definitely not mind if Piper's sons were paired with Xander's children.

Some things to ponder and feed to the plot bunnies,
~Reflections
Comments from author:
HAHAHAHAHAHA.....

I think all of your questions are similar to some of mine when I tried to write this out more. I keep getting way to many plots going and that is where I am currently stuck in some of my other stories.

As I replied to some one earlier I may start adding other stories to this and this will be more of a prequel story.

I even went back and changed it so others can add their own stories if they want to.
I KNOW I let plenty of room for several side/companion stories.

Thanks for reading and reviewing,
Trinity
Review By [ReflectionsOfReality] • Date [21 Apr 09] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from ShannonK
Review:
While this could have been an interesting begining, you rushed the story, compacting everything possible into this one chapter. Also, you really need to get someone to help you with proofing. If two people are speaking, separate their words into their own paragraph. Second, grammar checks would be helpful. Third, Methos rode with THREE companions, not four...War, Famine, Pestilance, and Death = the FOUR Horsemen. If you would seriously fix and expand this story, it would be worth reading.
Comments from author:
I thank you for your input and criticism. I also thank you for stating your opinion and reasons, not just bitching and whining about what you don't like.

This was a bunny I had hopping 'round in my head. I when I tried to write it I had way to many plots going at once. (Which is where I am stuck in some of my other posted fanfic)

As far as the spelling and stuff...I have asked for beta readers and not had real reliable ones when I did get them. My email is on my profile so anytime anyone wishes they can tell me what they found where that needs restructuring or spelling. They can send me and idea of how to change something and I will in turn take those into consideration and try to fix them.

Thanks for reading and reviewing,
Trinity
Review By [ShannonK] • Date [21 Apr 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from kaleecat
Review:
A really interesting concept that loses 99% of the impact because it is mostly "telling" the story, instead of showing the story. This in addition to the rushed and condensed story sucks all of the emotional impact out it. In the end I felt like I had just read an expanded outline instead of experiencing a story with emotion and a reason to care for the characters.
Comments from author:
Tried writing it out more but got too many plots going at once. I may try to fix it int he future.
till then thanks for reading and reviewing,
Trinity
Review By [kaleecat] • Date [20 Apr 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from LordCorwin
Review:
A bit rushed, but over all, well done .... I see that it's a one-off .... were you planning to write more?
Comments from author:
Thought about writing more, not sure if my muse is up to it. I still have other stories to finish. If someone wants to write in the verse I created they can i just would like them to let me know.

Thanks for reading and reviewing,
Trinity
Review By [LordCorwin] • Date [20 Apr 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from eriktheviking
Review:
Great premise but it felt too rushed.
Comments from author:
One of those plot bunny things. I may write more to it and use this as more of an intro to the actual story but it was an idea I had to try.

Thanks for reading and reviewing,
Trinity
Review By [eriktheviking] • Date [20 Apr 09] • Rating [9 out of 10]
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