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Review of chapter "Epilogue" from (Current Donor)DreamSmith
This was extremely good.
I actually have a little trouble enjoying the SG:1 series, because the Goa'uld are portrayed as being SO stupid and petty; it's nice to see at least some of them being shown as beings who actually could manage to largely dominate the galaxy for thousands of years, instead of being bumbling clowns.
Your writing is excellent; descriptions and character moments all felt very natural, and I appreciate the effort you put into this.

The only bit that really tripped me up was the thing where SG:1 does their typical routine of waltzing into even very civilized and lawful urban areas while dripping with lethal weapons, and everyone seems to accept this as acceptable.
I'm sorry, but that is really hard to swallow. These aren't primitives, who wouldn't recognize a gun as a weapon, and they're not quivering pacifists either, who would let armed strangers just roll over them. Security forces should have IMMEDIATELY demanded they surrender their weapons (if not just outright surrender, to be held for questioning). Even if they were confident that four armed strangers weren't going to lay waste to the entire city (fair enough), you still don't treat the very real possibility of ten, or twenty, or fifty (or more) of your citizens being mowed down in a senseless act of violence as a joke.
Again, sorry, but the endless series of mass shootings in our own world has left me a little twitchy about this kind of thing. We've seen that even someone who should be very much like us, someone born and raised in our own society, can have utterly insane and unpredictable urges to violence. An armed group of people from another world and another society entirely... it would be even harder to predict what they might do, even if you have intel on who they are (and remember, that intel would describe a group whose primary mission is to fight the Goa'uld, a group that makes up a large number of your citizens).

Alright, sorry about that; like I said, that's just a sore subject for me, and in this case it also played into the other thing, where Goa'uld, or Goa'uld-dominated cultures always seem so foolishly overconfident, and contemptuous of the Earther's 'puny weapons'... right up until the moment they get shot in the face.

I could also wish we'd seen more of other Goa'uld in this society, at least a few of the Queen's subordinates. You show one, very early on, but we never see how he, or any of the other higher ranking ones are fitting into this new social setup. Given the 'Always Evil' deal the show established for them, via the racial memory thing, I'd expect a certain amount of friction in the ranks. Showing that, or the lack of it (and reasons why) would have nicely rounded out a story that's otherwise just a little thin.

But please, don't take these minor issues as an indication that I didn't like this story; I liked it a great deal.
Thank you, for showing us another side of these beings and this setting.
Comments from author:
Thank you!

*he only bit that really tripped me up was the thing where SG:1 does their typical routine of waltzing into even very civilized and lawful urban areas while dripping with lethal weapons, and everyone seems to accept this as acceptable.*

I just went with the show on this. The Commonwealth people assumed rationality; as long as SG-1 kept their P-90s slung and their weapons holstered, and acted calm and friendly, the security forces (who were there, I just didn't mention them in the interests of brevity) decided that they wouldn't make an issue of it as, after all, rational people wouldn't start a fight that would be bound to end in their deaths. It only became an issue when SG-1 were going to meet the Queen.

*I could also wish we'd seen more of other Goa'uld in this society, at least a few of the Queen's subordinates. You show one, very early on, but we never see how he, or any of the other higher ranking ones are fitting into this new social setup.*

I wrote a few scenes along those lines but scrapped them as I felt keeping everything (except the opening) in SG-1's POV worked better. However I have a sequel planned; 'We Play Them On TV', in which the actors from 'Wormhole X-Treme', and the leading actress from the Commonwealth show 'Hak'Tyl', are appearing at an SF convention and are kidnapped by villains working for rogue Commonwealth elements as part of a plan to assassinate Queen Ninmah. Some of what you ask for will be shown in this story. But I've been working on it for a couple of years now and progress is slow. After I retire in September, and have more time to devote to writing, I'll be able to pick up the pace.
Review By [(Current Donor)DreamSmith] • Date [29 May 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Epilogue" from (Current Donor)Katrina
Really very good. Thank you for sharing this. :)
Comments from author:
Thank you! I've had a sequel to this, called 'We Play Them On TV' and starring the cast of 'Wormhole X-Treme' and the Commonwealth actress who plays the lead role in their TV series 'Hak'Tyl', on the drawing board for 3 years now but I'm too occupied with other projects to get around to writing it. Maybe later this year.
Review By [(Current Donor)Katrina] • Date [2 Feb 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Part One: Contact" from Oxnate
"...waterboarding, I believe you call it.” -- LOL.
Comments from author:
Review By [Oxnate] • Date [7 Aug 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Epilogue" from ColonelPeroxide
The best SG-1 fic I've read in a long time. Enough said.
Comments from author:
Thank you very, very, much.
Review By [ColonelPeroxide] • Date [18 Jan 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Epilogue" from (Current Donor)Sulien
I'm glad I finally got around to reading this, because it was marvelous! You not only had the characterizations spot on, but you accomplished well what science fiction and fantasy do at their very best: you gave us a glimpse of reality from a perspective far enough removed to make us see it more clearly. Brilliantly done, all the way around! Thank you for sharing this, I greatly enjoyed it.
Comments from author:
Thank you very much!
Review By [(Current Donor)Sulien] • Date [13 Mar 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Part One: Contact" from Prometeus
Hmm, you're right, stargate travel could be reserved for the rich in a highly stratified society. Exactly like the early streetcars were reserved for soldiers and the rich, making them a failure. It says something that I never considered that until now, not even after you brought it up.
Review By [Prometeus] • Date [5 Jan 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Epilogue" from Obsidian
awesome story. Kept me on the edge of my seat (so to speak). Thanks *feeds da author and the muse some triple chocolate fudge brownies*
Comments from author:
Thank you! *gobbles up brownies*
Review By [Obsidian] • Date [22 Nov 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Epilogue" from (Current Donor)WildMartin
This was both captivating and humorous. I'll have to read some of your other stories.
Comments from author:
Thank you!
Review By [(Current Donor)WildMartin] • Date [15 Oct 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Epilogue" from Tamda
Damnit Speaker! You always write the most gripping and hilarious stuff!

PS Plan Y will now forever be attack it with Hummus! I sprayed my damn drink there.

Great job! and if there's any justice, this will win! ;)
Comments from author:
Thank you very much!
Review By [Tamda] • Date [2 Oct 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Epilogue" from Prometeus
I wrote it up

Except for ((80 million (oil barrels per day)) * (1 year)) / (9 billion (cubic meters)) = 0.516167726. That would take a second Stargate.
Review By [Prometeus] • Date [24 Sep 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Epilogue" from Prometeus
That actually makes less sense since executives don't walk. I was imagining it used for casual and political reasons, not business. Check this out though,

(((pi * ((3 m)^2)) * (10 m)) per second) * (1 year) = 8.92251061 × 10^9 m^3

8.92251061 × ((10^9) (m^3)) * (7.85 (kilograms per liter)) in tonnes = 7.00417083 × 10^10 tonnes

That's a theoretical maximum of 70 billion tonnes of steel per year. Not too shabby, eh? All you have to do is have the stargate point upwards and pour the stuff down a funnel shaped in such a way that what's falling through the gate has been in free fall for at least 1 second. With enough motivation, you could multiply the velocity ten-fold I'm sure. So long as what you're sending is fluidized and isn't flammable, it works great. For instance, those guys in Abydos could import a decent sized lake every single year with no problem.

What's annoying is the passenger transportation capacity because that's pathetic. Although my assuming high speed was stupid because you see, with trains the capacity goes UP when you slow DOWN. In 2013, SNCF is going to be running experiments with slow trains running at a tempo of 40 per hour. So as long as those high speed trains slow down so they can bunch up, you get a 2x capacity increase.... which still sucks.

((1000 * 40 * 2) per hour) * (1 year) = 701 265 022 per year

and that's assuming you can get a passenger capacity 2x bigger than TGV Duplex using custom train cars. So yeah, 700 million one-way trips a year for a planet in the billions is not much. Enough for colonization though. For decent public transportation you'd need a dozen stargates per planet. Which they might have.

Aha, I've been going about it the wrong way. The right way to do passenger transport is to fluidize the passengers. And let's take a second to marvel at that insane-sounding idea. Fluidized passengers? Awesome!

Just have them jump down a water slide set up all around the ring of the stargate, that'll get you 10 passengers per second maybe. Now, if you create a series of tubes so that people are guided down those tubes while falling feet first through the stargate ... well the average width of men's shoulders is 50 centimeters so a circular cross-section of a tube that size would be pi*(50 cm)^2 = 2000 cm^2, and the stargate is >3 meters in radius so (pi*(300)^2 / 2000) * 90% (the packing efficiency of circles on a plane) = 127 tubes. So as long as you're not dealing with any claustrophobes you could fit in 127 people per second through the stargate. Which makes for about 4 billion trips per year. BINGO!

Of course, if there's any mismatch between the sending and receiving tubes then lots of people are going to die. But that's probably solvable by robotics and radar. Which leaves only getting the passengers inside and outside of the tubes at a rate of 1 per second. And that's probably solved by a funnel on the sending end and air or water jets on the receiving end. You're probably going to immerse the passengers in water in order to cushion them. But at 8 billion cubic meters per year, you can afford 2 cubic meters per person (8 meters of free space between people) and still achieve 4 billion trips a year. So basically, everyone grabs a wetsuit and a little yellow respirator, then steps down into a funnel onto a little platform, then they're dropped in synchronized fashion by computer when it's their turn, straight down the tube. Reverse at arrival.
Review By [Prometeus] • Date [23 Sep 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Part One: Contact" from Prometeus
Rereading some of the story for fun, I started thinking about how to optimize the stargate for passenger travel. It's disappointing but high-speed trains flying through the stargate one after another don't actually have that much capacity. 12,000 to 20,000 passengers per hour amounts to only 3-5 per second.

Of course, the stargate could accomodate trains requiring loading gauges greater than UIC so custom trains might have 2x as many passengers, up to 10 per second. That would still only marginally beat the throughput of lines at a theme park. It would be safer and more comfortable though.

And it would allow trains from all kinds of cities to be routed straight through the stargate while running full speed with no disembarking. That convenience would probably seal the deal. Either way, a relaxed and casual atmosphere isn't what I'd expect at a stargate. It would be either very crowded or very industrial.

An unscheduled landing in such a situation would be pretty bad for whatever robot or human decided to come in. They might even find themselves dumped in the middle of a grain silo or mineral pile about to be smothered. The Aschen use their stargates to dump grains through to their homeworld.
Comments from author:
I was picturing Gate travel in the Commonwealth as being expensive and therefore the preserve of a minority - executives and the wealthy, rather than the ordinary person. Pretty much the equivalent of Concorde on Earth before 25 July 2000. The possibility of an integrated interstellar rapid transport system hadn't crossed my mind.
Review By [Prometeus] • Date [23 Sep 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Epilogue" from lucyferr
“So you can have a Girls’ Night all by yourself? It’s a side of being a Goa’uld that had never occurred to me,” Sam said.

LOL... wonder if Sam will be joining Ninmah & Shamhat

“I was far more impressed by Buffy the Vampire Slayer.”
“I would have thought an American High School would be too alien an environment for your people to understand,” Sam said.
“There are parallels within the social structures,” Ninmah said, “and your legends of vampires closely resemble our own tales of the Ekimmu and the Uruku. The young heroine is extremely personable.”
“Everybody likes a blonde who kicks ass,” Sam said, grinning.

LOL... esp as this followed her rejecting the Simpsons

“So, Queen Ninmah, I hear you didn’t think much of Casablanca,” he remarked. “What was the problem? That’s one of our all-time classics.”
“It was in shades of grey rather than proper colors,” Ninmah said. “It was very strange to my eyes. Perhaps if you had it colored properly it would not be so alien to us.”

man this chapter was waaaay too short... wonder what Ninmah would have made of the Vorkosigan saga? Maybe if Quinn had got a book series of her own instead of just EoA... also, anything by Liz Moon.
Review By [lucyferr] • Date [6 Jul 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Part Two: Countdown to Annihilation" from lucyferr
Didn't you intend the analogy? It's a good one, the whole role reversal thing, well reversal for the USA anyways.

USA (Earth) = Afghanistan
Ninmah's system - USA
Poison attack = 9/11
Trust = Taleban

“Personally I find Kings and Queens much easier to understand. And they usually have more in the way of gold and jewels. Do you know how much you can get for a good quality crown?”

LOL - well done keeping Vala irrepressible - wonder how a thief got an audience with a system lady anyway

“There are six and a half billion people on Earth,” Colonel Chekhov added. “Only three hundred million are in America. To slay the Russians, the Chinese, the Indians, the Poles, and the people of a hundred other nations, for the sins of a small group of Americans who acted against the wishes of their own leader, would be a terrible injustice.”

well said! wonder at the looks on Jack's & Hayes' faces though.

"We were devastated and we went to war against the countries that had sheltered the terrorists. "

By the same logic, Ninmah should invade the USA - or even the entire planet - and occupy it for years. Like with Japan, West Germany, Iraq, Afghanistan...

“We can’t accept it,” President Hayes said. “That would be handing over every military and political secret we have.”
Shamhat shrugged. “Then we make big rock hit your world,” she said. “Šeššet līmu ha’tak pull rock, make it go fast, strike in two arhu, kill all Tau’ri. You choose.”

Isnt negotiating from a position of power fun?

“And, of course, in that your planet shall not, after all, be annihilated by an asteroid impact two months from now. I have already given orders that the fleet will disengage and return to the Commonwealth.”

What? Earth gets off that easy? Ninmah doesn't leave behind an occupying force in the USA to track down the rest of the Trust? Or leave some ships in the area to make sure Earth remains on good behavior? Ninmah actually trusts Earth to look after its rogues? Wow, Ninmah sure is dumb.

“Oh, yes, certainly,” Ninmah told him. “I had no choice. The will of the people is paramount.”
“Even when it was just a blind cry for revenge?”

?!! Surprised that the people will be satisfied by so few deaths, deaths of just guilty folks... but they - unlike the USA - are ruled by a dictator, so their will doesn't count as much. Phew.

"They shall die by fire.”

Hope it's a slow one and they got tortured first.

Surprised Baal spoke out in favor of Earth - that was weird
Comments from author:
Yes, I did intend at least a partial analogy, but I wasn't sure how you were taking it. Some people can be touchy about things like that.

Earth might be getting off easy - but Ninmah now has "every military and political secret we have" and she'll make use of them if necessary. President Hayes promised her the Asgard hyperdrive and if he doesn't deliver she has the leverage to screw something else of great value out of Earth instead. She has eight centuries of practice as a master manipulator, after all. And, although the fleet is returning to the Commonwealth, they could easily have left an observation post on Interamnia to keep Earth under surveillance.

The executions of the Trust members will be by burning at the stake on live TV - I think the population will be reasonably satisfied.

Baal is, of course, being honest about Earth because he believes it to be in his own long-term interest. Being regarded as fair and trustworthy by Ninmah could be very useful at some future date and it's well worth passing up the chance to be spiteful about Earth - especially as the poison attacks, even though Baal was the main intended target, actually did as much or more damage to his enemies than to his possessions - for future advantage.
Review By [lucyferr] • Date [6 Jul 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Part One: Contact" from lucyferr
Great idea, making Earth like Afghanistan!
Comments from author:
Uh, thanks?
Review By [lucyferr] • Date [6 Jul 10] • Not Rated
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