Review of chapter "Chapter One" from alexceasar
He is so lucky she did not catch him. On the other hand, that just gives her time to plan her revenge. *Shudders* Glad I'm not him. *Grin* Good job. very cute.
Review By [alexceasar
] • Date [11 Aug 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from wordsmith
A diamond in the rough. Your story idea is the diamond but the writing is a bit rough and needs a little polish. Some of your ideas seem incomplete. You have a great introduction, but that is all it is. I do hope you plan to add more chapters. The incorrect grammar and spelling was quite distracting for me.
Please accept this as the constructive criticism it is. I am not being snarky when I suggest you take some creative writing classes and brush up on your basic English and spelling skills. You do have talent and despite the above criticisms, there was much about your story I enjoyed.
Although I have never seen NCIS, I was able to form an image of Tony jumping up on the desk in the squad room based solely on your description. And I laughed at the image of the cop gagging on the coffee!
Keep up the good work.
Comments from author:
Thank You! I don't mind the constructive criticism, in fact I love it. I loved writing this piece, maybe a little too much 'cause I must have left a few things out and had to clarify. I hope I did that well enough, by the way, either in the rewrite or in the review comments.
In the rewrite I had much help from my cousin, a.k.a. my beta, who at the time was in a goofy-sleepy stage and we were just having fun and hadn't checked all the grammar.
I LOVE NCIS and if you have time I would suggest to watch as much as you can. It's pretty darn awesome. It's about (I would say) 60% solving the case and 40% teasing/goofing around, explaining American idioms and quoting/referencing movies.
When I finished writing this I wasn't going to add anything, but I could definitely try. Though I don't know when that will be, because I've been working on a different full length crossover for a while now and I hope to get that posted somewhat before I start anything else.
Thanks again. This was my first fic post and I'm glad at all the responses. It's giving me more and more incentive to keep working on my stories.
Review By [wordsmith
] • Date [19 Jul 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from mithrilandtj
How is she Tony's sister if her last name is Gibbs?
Comments from author:
Sorry I've taken so long to reply, it's a bummer when real life puts everything else on hold :).
I was hoping that there was enough little hints to explain. I guess I'll have to work on that when I write more to this story. As I've said before I'm working on another story that unfortunately has to take seniority, as my muse keeps giving me more and more to add to improve said story. Which I think makes the wait worthwhile. However, don't worry. I WILL be coming back to this story, though, when is still unforeseen at this time.
Review By [mithrilandtj
] • Date [16 Jul 09] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from RevDorothyL
A few too many AU elements for my taste (Tony's still at the Baltimore PD, instead of NCIS, and Buffy's real father is Leroy Jethro Gibbs, who may or may not be at NCIS, and I'm still not clear whether Tony's talk of being Buffy's brother was metaphorical or if HE's related to Gibbs, too, this time around). I generally prefer a crossover (which is already somewhat AU to begin with) to not make too many additional radical changes to both universes . . . at least, not unless there's a good reason for the changes, in order to tell a good story or show an important character development.
However, Tony DiNozzo getting pounded by Buffy after he's been a jerk is always a nice thing to contemplate in an NCIS/BtVS crossover, so congrats on posting your first fic!
Comments from author:
Well, let's just say that I was inspired by an experience....and this just popped in my head. The story takes place before he brings Tony to work on his team. I figured that I'd have Tony still working @ BPD, because Gibbs would never let him get away with that @ NCIS....well, not without a fair amount of head slaps, or maybe something different altogether. Gibbs is father to both Tony and Buffy and still with NCIS.
Sorry, I've been so totally EXCITED about posting my first fic, and getting reviews that I totally forgot to say THANKYOU THANKYOU THANK YOU!!!!!
Review By [RevDorothyL
] • Date [16 Jul 09] • Not Rated