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Children of the Phoenix & the Philosopher's Stone

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Review of chapter "Chapter Six: Aboard the Hogwarts Express" from RHatch
Review:
i like
Review By [RHatch] • Date [24 May 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Six: Aboard the Hogwarts Express" from futuresnlwriter
Review:
The first half of this chapter was amazing. I loved the bits of Buffy's (and Dawn's) anxiety, I truly enjoyed the introduction to Xander, and your decision to make Willow a Weasley cousin was a good one (not too many Rosenbergs in the UK).

However, it really felt like you rushed through a lot on this chapter, and at a certain point this story ceased to feel like a "Potter twin" story and felt more like a world where Buffy took the place of Harry. Perhaps having "lost cat boy" (Andrew or Jonathon?) was a little too much like Neville, and abruptly ending the Cordelia/Buffy encounter caused your chapter to lose a lot of momentum. Don't be afraid to take the time to expand on these moments: no one expects you to update every day.

I know it's your story, but I would also suggest that you avoid having Buffy and the Scoobies go through the exact same experiences as Harry. Allow them to have tangential or intersecting storylines. I'm really intrigued by your story because I've never seen a fic that has all the Scoobies in Hogwarts with all the HP kids, but Ill lose interest if Buffy et al are doing the exact same thing as Harry, whether its as a group of three or six.

To end on a positive, your grammar was nearly flawless this chapter.
Review By [futuresnlwriter] • Date [23 May 12] • Rating [6 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Six: Aboard the Hogwarts Express" from AllenPitt
Review:
I think Buffy's at risk of being in Slytherin--the whole secret identity/being sneaky thing. Plus it makes for more distance between her & HP. Tara? Hufflepuff. Willow-Ravenclaw. Xander. I have no clue. Gryffindor maybe.
Review By [AllenPitt] • Date [23 May 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Six: Aboard the Hogwarts Express" from Eureka
Review:
So who was it that lost the cat?
So far I have seen Cordie, Wills, Dawn, Xander, and Tara that I know of. So I wonder if Oz and Faith will be showing up.
Comments from author:
The identity of the boy with the lost cat will be revealed in the next chapter. But I'll get you a hint... He's Tucker's brother.
Review By [Eureka] • Date [22 May 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Six: Aboard the Hogwarts Express" from Cmiller
Review:
huh? interesting... is Faith gonna be in this??? and If so what house is everyone going to? I look forward to more. Loved seeing Tara.
Comments from author:
Yes, Faith will be in this. I'm working on the next chapter right now and that's the first time we'll see Faith, Jonathan, etc. As for who's going to be in what house, that will be answered in the next chapter. Some of my sorting decisions might surprise some people. Or anger some people. But I hope they stick with it.
Review By [Cmiller] • Date [22 May 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Five: Diagon Alley" from futuresnlwriter
Review:
Originally, it was your use of Dawn that led me to track this story. I loved how you were adding Buffy characters into the HP-canon. That continued this chapter, with the excellent casting of Cordelia into a Malfoy-esque role (though I hope you make her more redeemable--she seems to have more restraint with her tongue). Your promise of more Buffy characters will hopefully provide greater opportunities, and I'm hoping that Andrew is in the mix.

However, small mistakes mar your text. There were a few missing words and misplaced commas. Though, I have to admit that I see a lot of improvement since your prior chapters. I would recommend that you go back and proofread all your chapters to ensure that new readers aren't distracted by these as well.

Keep up the good work! I hope to see more from this story soon!!
Comments from author:
Thank you very much. I love reviews that are more than "That's great." I do plan to go back and edit the earlier chapters. Thanks for sticking with it regardless.
Review By [futuresnlwriter] • Date [21 May 12] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Five: Diagon Alley" from FireWolfe
Review:
Nicely done. I'm glad that you are back. I can wait for updates though not happily. Sometimes life gets in the way I get that. I am just happy to see this story continue. I am sure many others feel the same way.Of course dumbles manipulations are as always a pain. I do hope Buffy lights his beard on fire the bastard. Anyway great piece more soon I hope.
Comments from author:
Thank you so much for the review. It's greatly appreciated. And maybe just maybe I'll gift you with your wish and have Buffy set Captain Cryptic's beard a blaze with fiery rage! Lol.
Review By [FireWolfe] • Date [21 May 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Five: Diagon Alley" from Eureka
Review:
New chapter is lovely.
So she meets her twin, but can't say a word? Why can't she tell him in private? I mean they both have the same problem, why does HE have to stay in the dark?
PLEASE don't make us wait another year for an update. :(
Comments from author:
I'm working on Chapter Six right now. Thank you for the review and sticking with me. :) I'll do my best to answer your questions as the story unfolds.
Review By [Eureka] • Date [21 May 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Five: Diagon Alley" from AllenPitt
Review:
Wow, not even Harry is told? That's kind of nasty. So... he has full access of the Potter vaults, but she doesn't? (Not that she needs it, Joyce is fairly well off, but still). So she does all the sacrificing? Meanwhile HP gets to be the hero...and will probably be mad at her later when he finds out the truth.
Review By [AllenPitt] • Date [21 May 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Four: The Man She Calls Giles" from bradsan
Review:
It's been a year. Please update.
Review By [bradsan] • Date [26 Nov 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Four: The Man She Calls Giles" from Eureka
Review:
Wish you would update this story. It actually sounds pretty good and I would love to be able to read more of it.
Review By [Eureka] • Date [13 Apr 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Four: The Man She Calls Giles" from futuresnlwriter
Review:
This is a great story with Buffy as Harry's twin. I have to say that I probably enjoy the plot of yours the most out of any similar story that I have read. Keep up the good work (and don't forget to proofread)
Review By [futuresnlwriter] • Date [7 Dec 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Four: The Man She Calls Giles" from pureevil
Review:
interesting. can't wait for more, update soon please!
Review By [pureevil] • Date [3 Dec 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Four: The Man She Calls Giles" from VillageOrchid
Review:
I'm enjoying the narrative, the points of view and the description. Thanks for continuing.
Review By [VillageOrchid] • Date [20 Nov 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Four: The Man She Calls Giles" from (Current Donor)mmooch
Review:
Yay, some bonding time for Buffy and Giles!
Review By [(Current Donor)mmooch] • Date [20 Nov 10] • Not Rated
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