Review of chapter "Chapter One" from WolfWriter
This story is a great beginning, and I'd love to see more of it.
Why did Willow and Anya attack Celina and Xander? Was it because of jealousy, stupidity, or both?
What kind of trouble are these two going to find in Miami? And what's Celina's back story?
Review By [WolfWriter
] • Date [8 May 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from DirectorLady
Decent premise, but you have a lot of questions to be answered here. Who is Celina Rayne? Where did you diverge from canon? Why did Xander pick Miami? It takes at least a week to drive from California to Florida. How badly was she hurt that she didn't wake up at all during that time? Why did Willow and Anya attack them?
Review By [DirectorLady
] • Date [29 Mar 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Jaylynn
I'm confused by the attack and the phone call to the police, but I figure that might get explained in up coming chapters. It's an interesting start and I'll be keeping track of this.
Review By [Jaylynn
] • Date [6 Oct 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from draconis
Same questions as other reviews, but in addition, it would take days to drive from California to Florida...if Celina has been unconscious for days, that's major head injury (or mystical injury?) territory. She should have been in hospital. You indicated a week went by...whether unconscious for a week or 3-4 days, I think the timeline needs work. It would make more sense if she was just sleeping most of the time during the drive due to pain pills for the arm injury...something like that.
Also, WHY did they have to leave? Are we talking about some sort of "Hey everyone! Let's kill Xander and Cerina!" epidemic?
If the manager called the cops just from seeing Xander, why wouldn't attendants at convenience stores, gas stations, etc. along the highways call the cops too?
Review By [draconis
] • Date [5 Oct 09] • Rating [5 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from kayron
Celina Rayne. My first question is...Is she related to Ethan? The story said that Willow attacked, and Celina's magic fought back. So the new girl has magic like Ethan. Celina had been part of the group for two years. Why did Willow attack her? Even as badly as the girls treated him at times, Xander stayed loyal. I would have thought that there would be nothing would get him to leave them, but loyalty toward a TRUE friend would be the push Xander needed to get him to go. If Celina isn't related to Ethan Rayne, is she related to someone in Miami? Why did the clerk call Miami about them? This is an interesting start to a new story. I'll be tracking.
Review By [kayron
] • Date [5 Oct 09] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Mamodo
Nice but say ... do we get an explanation why Willow and Anya reacted so strong to Celina helping Xander?
It seems a little bit overboard for me.
Review By [Mamodo
] • Date [5 Oct 09] • Not Rated