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An Interesting Diversion

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Review of chapter "Chapter One" from goldenspringtime
Does this mean I'm crazy if so I like it I loved that line very interesting to see it from ascended Daniel POV
Comments from author:
LOL! Thanks for the review, it's been quite a while since anyone has reviewed this one. I thought it was an interesting idea for a ficlet. Glad you enjoyed it!
Review By [goldenspringtime] • Date [8 Jan 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from narukyu
Oh! This is interesting. And, really, a good representation of the frustration an ascended person must feel, going from normal 'reactive' life to a life of little to no interference--or else. Interesting on more than one level, actually, because you have the surface story of Daniel looking in on Angelus and not being able to do anything, which is frustrating, and then you have another level in the reader's consciousness where Daniel's lack of interference is frustrating in and of itself because, as you should know if you've read more than one crossover story, the basic action premise of a crossover is one or more canon characters going over and interfering with, running into, or making an impact in the lives of one or more canon characters of a different fandom. And that really doesn't happen here--which is totally SWEET. A twist operating on the level of reader expectations? I tip my metaphorical hat to you.

A few nitpicks? It's 'archaeologist' and it's not capitalized, as it isn't a title but a job description. Same way how a teacher is just 'teacher'--unless they're Teacher of the Year. Also, quotation marks that end a dialogue are shaped the way they're shaped because of where they are in relation to the sentence. With the font that is used for this site, your ending tags look like your beginning tags--easily fixed, by the way. Just rewrite the tags right next to--as in no spaces--the end of the sentence, and the tags should orientate themselves in the right way.The reason why I'm making such a big deal of this is because it looks like a new set of dialogue is starting in some places where, really, you're just ending one. Which is confusing.

A suggestion? Try reading over your story after you post it to the website. It usually looks worlds different than what you've written on your Word/OpenOffice/Notepad doc. For instance, the font I use on my word processor is a font that doesn't recognize the difference between the two dialogue tags. I have to change the font or read it online to see if I made an error. It's kind of a pain and you may not want to do it sometimes when you get into longer stories, but it's definitely helpful. Even skimming is helpful.

But, other than that, good fanfic! Keep writing! :D
Comments from author:
Thanks for the review, it was most appreciated. Thanks also for the constructive criticism, it made me go back and re-read it and I noticed a couple missing words, and where you mentioned an issue with some tags for beginnings or ending of speech, I noticed the main issue was I forgot to put one set of tags in, so it made the sentence kinda off-balance, long and not differentiating it as a section of actual speech, a part of the story describing him talking or just narration. That has been repaired now. Though as you mention, I did write it in Office Word, and sometimes the structure doesn't always come out the same, particularly I find on sites like MySpace Blogs....though most of the stuff I post there is my poetic works, of which I only have done the one BTVS-related poem, which is posted here only, but I digress...or ramble...heh.

Also noticed, thx btw, the archaeologist misspell and corrected it. I never noticed it until you mentioned it...hmmmm.

Now, as per you main part of the review, the idea of an ascended being looking down on the world, I never got as far deep into the idea as that, but I am sure glad that it came out legible for starters, but how it ended up as, is a pleasant surprise for me, it being my first crossover fic, as well as my first fic in general. Until now most of my writing was limited to poetry. I just thought that the idea of an ancient, I chose Oma here, she being used on the SG shows often as someone to play off of Daniel, who as you know, while being less inclined to violence than the others, will not stand by and do nothing, was quite interesting. Now thinking on it that the inherent duality of this situation actually shows his humanity, despite his ascension is just the icing on the cake for me. I guess it's almost like the reader becomes part of the fic, in that they are taking a near third person perspective I guess, on what transpires, much as a person watching the show becomes engrossed in the show. Imagination fills in the gaps in the story. Even now, I just had the flash that the dual frustration of a fairly powerful Angelus being basically punked out by a weaker, all too human Xander; and the ascended Daniel, who now has power but no way to use it or intervene is yet another glimmer into their mindset that I had yet to see until now. Thanks for reviewing this fic because it has made me see deeper into my own work.
Review By [narukyu] • Date [6 Dec 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from goldengeisha

Angelus doesn't like people standing up to him.
Comments from author:
Damn right! I had the thought that on the way back to wherever he went afterwards, he'd be stewing and in a "why the hell didn't I disembowl him" mood. As Angelus he certainly had a twisted mind.
Review By [goldengeisha] • Date [18 Oct 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from eriktheviking
A well written 'what if' snapshot.
Comments from author:
Thank you very much. To tell the truth it just came to me last night at like 2am....thx for the feedback.
Review By [eriktheviking] • Date [15 Oct 09] • Rating [8 out of 10]
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