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The Forgotten One

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Review of chapter "Chapter One" from agnar
Review:
I couldn't get far because I was too irked by the apparent disregard for Xander's effect on things. Xander vanishes/dies in the Witch episode, then Buffy is dead and STAYS dead. No one else was going to get off their asses and help her against the Master, so Buffy stays drowned in the cave, the world ends.

And yet, somehow things are EXACTLY like canon season 2 Halloween episode except no Xander. For fucks sake they even buy the exact same costumes, Buffy does the exact same 'get Willow noticed' thing...

Your premise just doesn't fly with the timing of when Xander vanishes and returns. Vanishing on Halloween could easily work and returning a bit later in season 2 or 3, you could even then have Oz or Jonathon or someone go as soldier boy or whatever to fill in Xander's rocket launcher idea. Or hell, even have Angel or Buffy be more focused and prevent the Judge from being assembled to start with.

But without Xander, the hellmouth opens and evil wins season 1, period.
Review By [agnar] • Date [23 Mar 14] • Rating [3 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Four" from LordSia
Review:
Lovely, absolutely lovely, although I think there are a few things you could do better:
primarily, you should have had Semual (WTF?) kill Angel ("BLASPHEMY! HERESY! You call *this* 'Angel'?!"), thus preventing the ritual from ever taking place. I also believe that he would be much less considerate about Buffy's feelings, not only in general (Dark Angels aren't known for being people-persons, you know...), but *especially* since Kendra arrived. Also, he should have taught Kendra of the Emperor, he may not be an Ecclesiarch Evangelist or the like, but to share the Emperor's Light with a fellow warrior? Why not?
I mean, it's not like you aren't going for an OOC marine already, otherwise the whole town would have been Purged by now.
And on another note, he should be rallying the USAF- er, I mean PDF. Shouldn't take too much effort, perhaps a Gate of Infinity into the Senate during the President's speech? Ought to catch their attention...
Review By [LordSia] • Date [12 Jan 11] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Four" from Hanzo
Review:
Absolutely Awesome ♥
Unique in every aspect ♥
Review By [Hanzo] • Date [1 Aug 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Four" from Razial
Review:
very interesting idea and one I would like to see continued. well done

david
Review By [Razial] • Date [17 Jun 10] • Rating [5 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Four" from LordSia
Review:
The unreal part is the one where a Dark Angel Librarian would abide the existence of the demonically empowered, vampire-loving Slayer, let alone the soul-cursed, demonic Vampire. Also, Terminator Armour? That's way past overkill, limited by the fact that it's designed more for power than speed and that the storm bolter has limited ammunition. Still, with a Thunder Hammer, it should have a Storm Shield (or am I working with obsolete editions?), and it shouldn't have any trouble what so ever with a lesser daemon.
Still, cool fic. Keep it coming.
Review By [LordSia] • Date [8 Jan 10] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Four" from Robby
Review:
Dud, just plain awesome!!! Cant' wait for the next chapter!
Review By [Robby] • Date [6 Nov 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Four" from eriktheviking
Review:
Great writing, thanks.
Review By [eriktheviking] • Date [26 Oct 09] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Four" from darthridian
Review:
great story mate, will keep an eye on this.

keep up the great writing.
Comments from author:
Thanks!

Would you believe it's my first try at fanfiction?
Review By [darthridian] • Date [25 Oct 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Four" from Bobboky
Review:
excellent work... it would be interesting if Spike is able to become a champion despite his curruption by Korne
Comments from author:
what do you mean by champion, because he could be a Khorneite champion.

Thanks for the review!
Review By [Bobboky] • Date [25 Oct 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Four" from nemogbr
Review:
I didn't think that Kendra would be killed at all with Semual in the frame. Pretty shocked by that happenstance.

I hope Xander does come back otherwise you will be writing more for an Original Character, than a Xander centred story.

With all these talks of the Walking Emperor and the last W40K story i Like reading is Xander as God Emperor, the only ones available would be:
Jonathan or Oz, unless another Original Character is introduced.

A twist can be introduced is that Xander is the Walking Emperor.

At some point, Xander's psyche goes to the future and "walks into" Semual's body, ready for a crusade to save humanity yet again.
Comments from author:
I thought it was a good way to show that space marines are not perfect and that Spike is getting more powerful.

Xander DOES come back, well sorta, just gotta wait a bit.

I don't plan on having a character that is around be The Emperor, remember he was 'born' between 8 and 6 thousand B.C.E. Although, he could technically project any image he wanted into peoples minds. But I think I will have him be a OC when I do introduce him.

Thanks for the review!
Review By [nemogbr] • Date [25 Oct 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Four" from Vilkath
Review:
Sort of disappointed in this chapter.. since Xander seems to have been regulated to a normal cross over character.. following canon cast around and doing almost nothing useful so regular plots can go on. He doesn't respect Buffy at all, finds her cowardice and love of a demon making her unworthy. She has no discipline or desire to really fight, Spike is running around with a book and cross of chaos.. and he sits around protecting what he considers a useless warrior from assassins. Doesn't even object to her wasting most her day in school while the forces of evil work?

I also couldn't believe he walked around without his armor on the hell mouth, a deadly dangerous area. I don't think he'd care about hiding that much, to a space marine their armor is like a second skin, you don't take it off and go walking around in chaos infested town to talk to people you don't respect or care about.

Over all Xander's new personalty has no reason to listen or Follow Giles or Buffy's request or commands.. yet he acts just like their little dog. I am also disappointed normal things like the bad guys always getting away continues to happen.
Comments from author:
Sorry for the disappointment. I tried to show that Semual needs their help, for now. He has no knowledge of anything, he has no real support, and he has to take the timeline into account. He can't just go around blowing stuff up so he has to be subtle when he can. He also believes that The Emperor chose Buffy, even if he doesn't respect her he worships The Emperor so feels she was chosen for a reason. And I think a Librarian, who is the keeper of a Chapters histories and knowledge, would not shun her schooling.

Yes, the Hellmouth is deadly, but most of it happens at night.

I don't think I made him out to be a lapdog. He 'respects' Giles because of his personal quest for redemption mirrors his Chapters and his knowledge. And if I killed every bad guy when they showed up, there is no build up or growth to the badguys.

I thank you for the review and will try fix what I can.
Review By [Vilkath] • Date [25 Oct 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Four" from thales
Review:
wow... quite a few new things here...

Spike and Drusilla powered up by chaos?
Kendra dead?
Willow maybe a psyker?
Xander converting her to his faith?

Keep up the good work!
Review By [thales] • Date [25 Oct 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Four" from HolyKnight
Review:
Not bad, although you slipped with the name of one of the Ruinous Powers...Its Tzeentch, not tzeetch....Tzeentch, Khorne, Nurgle and Slaanesh....although frankly i'm thinking that Angelus its the kind of depraved thing that would serve Slaanesh, if that meant turn Buffy into his toy and slave.....Luckily Slaanesh its still in gestation for several millennia more

Add, that the "Walking Emperor" must be moving towards Sunnyhell, as he more than likely he's worried for the intense Psyker and Warp bursts that his senses must have felt.......
Comments from author:
Thanks for the review, I will go back and correct Tzeentch spelling. Yea Angelus does seem more of a Slaanesh follower to me too, oh well he wont be around long enough anyways HAHA.

The Walking Emperor...yes what is he up to? :)

Thanks for the review!
Review By [HolyKnight] • Date [25 Oct 09] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Four" from Darksnider
Review:
.... You know the issue I have with stories with WH40k is that people seem to believe chaos is all reaching at least the 40k gods anyway their warp spawn.. there is no warp at this point in time. They may exist but you run into all kinds of problems with them being away from the Eye of Terror and all that. Anyway was kinda hoping this story would be unique and that this wouldn't just turn into a basic frothing at the mouth for the emperor hump fest. There's more to 40k lore then that and the emperium wasn't always a chaos driving order machine that mostly happened after the Emperor got stuck in his throne. Ugh I don't know hopefully you can pull something original from this and not have it turn into a Xenophobe and Dameon hate fest. There are no Dameons from 40k without the warp so you can't just summon them up from no where and using the hellmouth as excuse doesn't really work either.
Comments from author:
There is warp at this time actually, and Khorne, Nurgle, and Tzeetch are all around too. The Eye of Terror is just a massive warp-rift allowing daemons to enter the material plane. I also know that the Imperium was not always a tyrannical war machine, it was about uniting humanity and spreading The Imperial Truth. Unfortunatly, that IS what the Imperium is now, if/when I have Semual meet our young Emperor I want to show that he was not a war mongering tyrant. I will do my best to make this story unique.
Thanks for the review!
Review By [Darksnider] • Date [25 Oct 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Four" from DHX
Review:
sucks that kendra died again, for once why couldn't it be buffy? besides that interesting story
Review By [DHX] • Date [25 Oct 09] • Not Rated
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