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Harry Potter and the League of Justice

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Review of chapter "Chapter One" from BlueEyedJedi
Review:
Merry Christmas, and to all a good life. Prayers for a update are always included.
Review By [BlueEyedJedi] • Date [25 Dec 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 4" from jimk
Review:
Okay, I'm assuming that the Halloween memories Xander has must be a Roy Harper from another dimension since you've already stated Green Lanterns don't exist here?

I like the story so far but I'm having a hard time getting past one thing. Is Harry Potter without his magic really Harry Potter or simply an OC Green Lantern? Why bother making him Harry Potter if he doesn't have magic?

It's kind of like a story about Buffy Summers who is not a slayer. Now and then you see one of those and I'm sure some people like them but they really don't hold much interest to most people.

So, for now I'll keep an eye on this simply as a Justice League/BtVS cross. It's not bad as simply that. Also, who knows maybe something about the Hellmouth or Willow will give Harry his magic back. Maybe there will be a reason the GL character formerly known as Harry Potter was put into a story where he really has none of the things that made him a memorable character in the first place!
Review By [jimk] • Date [14 May 11] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 4" from Morgomir
Review:
Interesting story. Keep up the good work.
Review By [Morgomir] • Date [2 Feb 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 4" from IcemanII
Review:
Great story so far. Keep up the good work, hope to see more!
Review By [IcemanII] • Date [15 Jan 11] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 4" from CrystalBlaze
Review:
The Hellmouth's seal may be interfering with Bart's link to the Speed Force, as it is technically another reality. If so, the link should return once any fluctuation hits the Hellmouth. Of course, that means he might or might not lose his speed again when the seal is restored.
Review By [CrystalBlaze] • Date [14 Jan 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 4" from Rod
Review:
I like the idea here. You have a coherent idea of how the universes fit together that comes across well (barring the logic at the end of chapter four, which others have mentioned seems to have got a bit confused). It does seem to be moving at quite a pace, and you might want to give yourself a bit more time in the chapters to have things happen in.

You have a few problems, and unfortunately they do rather throw themselves in the reader's face. Your tenses tend to slip a bit, and your word choice is occasionally interesting, which a good beta could help you with. The big problem is that your sentences tend to run on. Sometimes a lot. No, really, a lot. Your dialog is particularly prone to this; it almost works for Xander's dump of superhero lore, but Harry's big conversation with Giles left me breathless and dizzy by the end of each paragraph.

I think it might help to slow down when you re-read your chapters, and try to hear them in your head as if they were being read out loud. Proof-reading your own work is one of the hardest things to do, because you have to look at what's really on the page not what you think is there, but going slower does help. I'm glad to see you asking for a beta, but I'm afraid I don't have the time to help. Good luck in finding one, I think it will help you considerably to talk your writing through with other people.
Review By [Rod] • Date [14 Jan 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 4" from StriderMew
Review:
um..... what? Unless there is a version of DC comics in your current universe, Xander knowing of a Green Lantern shouldn't be possible. Going back over what I read on the previous chapters, you basically outlined that Harry Potter was the ONLY GL in this story for this dimension.... so having Xander bust a gut with GL trivia as well as some super hero trivia blows chunks on your previous statement of HP being the only GL there. Unless the other GL was Alan Scott, for only his ring wasn't part of the GL corps prior to comic book retcon during the silver age, the story - to me - would have some serious plot holes. Kyle RAYNER was the last official GL from the old corps and the Torchbearer for the new one when he reactivated the Corps and the Central Battery. But hey, it's your story.
Review By [StriderMew] • Date [14 Jan 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from EmruasCat
Review:
Cool. Can't wait to see Xander's reaction to the Justice League - comic book nerd and all that. Looking forward to seeing more. ^_^

Cat
Review By [EmruasCat] • Date [17 Feb 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from lordamnesia
Review:
This is a very decent start. Harry is pretty true to color, he would give up his magic to be a GL, especially a GL that doesn't need a damn lantern. Keep up the great work!
Review By [lordamnesia] • Date [16 Feb 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
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