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New Kids On the Block

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Review of chapter "Chapter 2" from silvergaurd
Review:
who does xander end with?
Comments from author:
I haven’t thought about that. Now I must think about it. Thanks for for reviewing.
Review By [silvergaurd] • Date [28 Feb 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Nerdgirl
Review:
Don't use spell check. Check it yourself as well. Spell check only checks for misspellings, not wrong words. I didn't bother reading, as your summary talks about 'a new bread of vampire.'
Comments from author:
Well that's cool what ever floats your boat kid.
Review By [Nerdgirl] • Date [28 Feb 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from (Recent Donor)Luna
Review:
I remember seeing your similar story posted, but I never read it. But I was curious and decided to read this one.

Okay, first off you need to work on your paragraphs. Remember- anytime you change subjects you create a new paragraph. The way you have this the entire thing is way to bloody hard to read that I almost gave up on it.

When you do make a new paragraph, separated by one space so your reader’s eyes don’t go cross-eyed.

Seven-teen is just one word- seventeen.

Wait- so Fox considers Spike his older brother but also kisses him on the lips?

And why, in the summary, is his name Fox-Heart? Please don’t tell me that is his name, because it makes no sense; maybe vague sense if you were trying to create an indigenous character.

I try to support new readers as much as possible which is why I wanted to leave you this feedback; please don’t take offense at the critiques.
Comments from author:
I just wanted to say thanks for the reviews. They actually gave me the idea to re-do this stroy and i think I have it just the way I want it know. It has some big changes so oyou should re read it. Thanks again.
Review By [(Recent Donor)Luna] • Date [23 Feb 10] • Not Rated
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