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Review of chapter "Lost In Transition" from kffs
Review:
Awesome story. Too bad you never finished it, but a great read overall!

Best of luck with whatever you've moved on to!
Review By [kffs] • Date [11 Feb 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Lost In Transition" from named
Review:
Daaaammmmnnnnnn, kudos to you mate, that is one brilliantly written story. Nice flow and pace, no grammatical errors spotted and believe able actions/reactions. Very well done, good on you. Thoroughly look forward to more in the future.
One thing that I did notice that kinda made me think was the part where Cord joins Xander in bed for the first time, why didn't she bring her sheet from her bed rather than leaving them in her room?
The second was what will they do now? Will they go to the heli crash sites for gear? Or will u have some info in the diaries with an extraction point that the COG soldiers were working their way towards? Also something that I missed, what are they doing with the dog tags?
Anyway, great story, something completely different to the norm type of TTH fic. Hope you can keep it up!

Named
Review By [named] • Date [23 Jun 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Lost In Transition" from DeaconKrow
Review:
Hey, this is a really good story. I notice you haven't updated it in a while and thought I'd pass this on to see if it might inspire you. I'm tracking another of your stories as well that hasn't been updated in a while, but no worries. Thanks for posting. Hope to read more of your stuff soon.
Review By [DeaconKrow] • Date [26 Feb 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Lost In Transition" from draconis
Review:
Just thought I'd give this good story a poke (after seeing your new story 'A Promise To Lie 2')

I recall you mentioned ~1chapter/month at MOST, but it has been over a year.....

Hope you plan to still come back to this one from time to time.
Review By [draconis] • Date [7 Dec 11] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Lost In Transition" from DarthPayne
Review:
Having played through all three games i can't help but want more. :)
Comments from author:
I just finished playing 3 before I logged on here, I know what you're talking about... Unfortunately, I really burnt myself out on this story. I have some loose ideas for what I'd like to do, but life and other stories keep interfering.

Eventually though, I will continue this. It being my first, I'll always love it best. Thank you for the review.
Review By [DarthPayne] • Date [3 Nov 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Lost In Transition" from (Current Donor)NekoHibiki
Review:
I think Xander went too far when he killled Perth, he was just a kid who was obeying orders and didn't really understand.
Comments from author:
Sorry for the very delayed reply, I need to check my reviews more often.

As to your review, you have to look at it from Xander's perspective. He heard Cordy screaming in pain, after she'd been kidnapped. He didn't know Perth was innocent, he just knew that two men were in a room with his kidnapped girlfriend.

Mainly though, Perth needed to die because Cordy was going to kill Mongo in the next chapter. I couldn't let her be the only one with blood on her hands.

Thank you for the review.
Review By [(Current Donor)NekoHibiki] • Date [24 May 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Lost In Transition" from LordSia
Review:
Cool. Refreshingly original as well. Keep up the good work, don't let it die off like that.
Comments from author:
This was my first story, and I'll never let it die. The problem is, that I have a serious case of writers block, which I've been battling for months with this story. I do hope to continue with it soon though.

Thank you for the compliment and review.
Review By [LordSia] • Date [9 Feb 11] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Lost In Transition" from DarkFaerieYumi
Review:
OMG! WOOT! But poor Murphy. She was a pretty cool, lady. I respected her. Bastard Mongo. UGH!
Comments from author:
I'm really glad you liked her. It seemed like some people got annoyed every time her name was even mentioned. It's kind of understandable, considering this is a C/X story, but she kind of grew on me.

Thanks for the review.
Review By [DarkFaerieYumi] • Date [6 Nov 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Escort Service" from KingDarius
Review:
good story so far, even though my knowledge is somewhat limited since ive never played the game before. and ive never heard about the mutilating corpse things before, not even from the rabid left-wing, war hating, history professors i have had, though i do remember the stories of how after my grandfather came from vietnam he was spat on and called a baby killer. he was in the marine corp for 17 years, served in vietnam and korea, and when he got home he was called a baby killer. that is complete bullshit. that little anecdote did irritate me a little, in case you couldnt tell, lol (ive had relatives in every branch of the military and involved in every war since the war with mexico.) but i wont hold it against you. like i said, this is overall a pretty good story so far.
Comments from author:
That's why I put the disclaimer there. My Uncle was an engineer/demolitions man, he even served at Hamburger Hill. The day after my Uncle came home, he was arrested, his former girlfriend tried to accuse him of not giving child support.

Thing is, he was gone thirteen months, and the baby was only two months old when he got back. Her hippie friends had convinced her to accuse the 'baby killer' to get him some jail time for what they perceived as his 'crimes'.

Anti-war people claim to be pro-troop, but it's bullshit. When a country doesn't support it's own soldiers, the enemy sees it as a victory, and a chance demoralize our people. That's exactly what they did in Vietnam.

There are stories like that about every war. It's just that soldiers returning from Vietnam got it a lot worse then most. Xander's Uncle simply used it to put some extra flourish on a kid looking for a good story.
Review By [KingDarius] • Date [4 Nov 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Lost In Transition" from (Past Donor)PKiller
Review:
Beautiful piece of back story and exposition. Unfortunately it didn't really forward the plot. Despite how well you wrote it, it didn't need to be here, felt superfluous and hence managed to bore me despite its quality. First rule of fiction: Never spend more than half a New York Standard page (250 words) on ANYTHING that doesn't advance the plot. No matter how lovingly or perfectly crafted the exposition, if you spend more than half a page on it without the plot moving forward, it's bad news.

Hope the critique doesn't upset you too much. It's meant to help. Ciao.
Comments from author:
I took that into consideration before, during, and after I wrote it. The problem is, that I needed to show how C&X would deal with the COG after what they went through with Mongo.

After spending five chapters on the guy, I couldn't just put in a couple of throw-away lines, or a very long conversation between the two without some context.

Using POV's with these two, means direct knowledge for the reader. If I suddenly take it away after all of this time, what's the point? I could spend a whole chapter of them TALKING about why they decided to do what they're doing, or I can simply show it, and add some action.

I realize this is indeed a critique, and not at all a flame. I enjoy all reviews, whether I agree with them or now, it shows that someone took the time to actually say something.

Thank you for the review and the insight.

P.S. You are reviewer number one hundred. Since you have reached the pinnacle of your reviewing career, you may ask one intimate question.

THE ANSWER: Meatloaf.

Thank you for your time.
Review By [(Past Donor)PKiller] • Date [3 Nov 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Lost In Transition" from Auden
Review:
Great new part. I loved reading about the soldiers backgrounds. It was great seeing the early Mongo.
Comments from author:
I'm glad you enjoyed it, it was important to me that the Gear's weren't just names of anonymous dead people. That's what horror movies are for, which are just fine, when you could give a shit less whether a character lives or dies.

The Mongo in this chapter wasn't the one I planned on, he became it as I was writing. It's kind of weird how that happens some times.

Thank you for the review.
Review By [Auden] • Date [3 Nov 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Lost In Transition" from eriktheviking
Review:
An interesting development with Murphy's journal and the insight into Dawson. Great writing, thanks.
Comments from author:
I wanted to see what happened on their side, the only way to do that, was to write it. I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for the review.
Review By [eriktheviking] • Date [3 Nov 10] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Lost In Transition" from Kovac
Review:
Nice to learn more about the Gears and get Miranda's POV on what happened in town.

Xander and Cordelia are using tactics of guerrilla to fight the Locusts and, apparently, it's more effective than face them in units like the Gears did. Lay low, surprise the enemy, withdraw in time... The ghost town is the perfect playground for this type of strategy.
Comments from author:
The original concept I had for this story, was for C&X to end up in Landown, just a few days prior to the Gear invasion in GoW2. They would be swept up, and drafted, but that would have been boring. The more I wrote, the more I liked the idea of a guerrilla war.

Thank you for the review.
Review By [Kovac] • Date [3 Nov 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Lost In Transition" from CBH
Review:
Nice job. When I started the chapter I wasn't sure if I'd like it since it takes away some of the mystery of what led to the situation with the Gears, but I ended up enjoying it. It was also placed in a good spot. If this chapter had been placed before Mongo was killed, the reader would probably have felt sympathy for him and thought his death was too harsh. Keep up the good work on both this and your other stories. As a Xander/Cordelia fan, I can say that they are definitely needed.
Comments from author:
I wrote this mainly, because some time in the near future, C&X will be meeting up with the Gears. If they're main idea of them was Mongo, you can imagine how they'd react to more of them.

I also really wanted to see how it would play out on their side of things. I had broad strokes of what happened, based on bits and pieces I threw in throughout the chapters. Going back over everything, and trying to get it all into one chapter was kind of enjoyable.

When I started writing this chapter, I had every intention of making Mongo the biggest prick possible. While he still is a prick in this chapter, he isn't the biggest. I'm not sure were making him a half-decent human being came from, but it seems to have worked...

Thanks for the review and insight.
Review By [CBH] • Date [3 Nov 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Lost In Transition" from TurfSurfer
Review:
Love the new chapter as much as I have the rest of the story, but there seems to be a bit of a plot-hole here. If he knocked her out (leaving her for dead) or killed her here, how was she even able to record the event in the journal?
Comments from author:
The italic part is the actual journal entry, below it is a piece of story that goes along with it. Reading huge journal entries can get boring, as I learned when I did chapter 10. By adding action to them, I makes things a lot easier, plus I can add much more detail.

Thank you for the review.
Review By [TurfSurfer] • Date [3 Nov 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
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