Large PrintHandheldAudioRating
using
 paypal
Twisting The Hellmouth Crossing Over Awards - Results
Rules for Challenges

Invasions and Perceptions

StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking
Review of chapter "Chapter 4" from ALM
Review:
Shouldn't the Federation have slipstream technology by now? I'm sure they had to replaced a lot of their ships with new models because of their loses during the Dominion War; and have greatly upgraded their technology with the return of the USS Voyager returned from the Delta Quadrant.

Also, Sateda was a ruined world when the Atlantis Expedition arrived in the Pegasus galaxy. I know some of their citizens survived and moved to another world.
Review By [ALM] • Date [15 Jul 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 4" from FireFlyFan
Review:
Wow this story took a left turn from where I thought it was going. Kind of interesting though, should be fun to see what happens if the civil war actually happens. In reference to what the guy below said about Wesley, you may want to look into the age difference between icheb and Naomi. And just out of curiosity why thomas riker and not will riker?
Comments from author:
Why Thomas and not Will? As much as the series kinda glossed it over, I got the impression with the little bit of bio there is on Thomas from Memory Alpha that he's trying to be his own man, apart from the eyes of his father. Joining the Maquis proved that. Picard's new crew is made up of mostly risk takers, and thats what's needed. As for Wesley, he did spend quite a bit of time finding himself. But in retrospect, I did say I was going to play with the timelines here.
Review By [FireFlyFan] • Date [27 May 10] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 4" from IcemanII
Review:
Great chapter. Like the plot twist. Keep up the good work.

Lantean Alliance Colonel Ronon O’Neill / Satedan General (equivalent rank of Fleet General) Ronon O’Neill of the Dex line
LOVE IT!!!!!!! That is so SG-1/AG-1
Review By [IcemanII] • Date [26 May 10] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 4" from Morgomir
Review:
Great chapter. Like the plot twist. Keep up the good work.
Review By [Morgomir] • Date [26 May 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 4" from DarthPayne
Review:
Wow, i'm really liking this story so far.

I am eager to see more on this.
Review By [DarthPayne] • Date [26 May 10] • Rating [5 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 4" from khaos
Review:
Guillotine failing, that's actually a myth, here's what a guillotine is.

"A guillotine blade, which is about 20 pounds of highly sharpened steel, is further weighted by a 60 to 80-pound lead weight attached to it. Drop this along well-greased grooves from the top of a 12-foot frame and there is no way it’s not going to go right through whatever’s underneath it."

And the beauty of nepotism and family lines, notice how all the "good guys" are descended from the heroes of the tv series. And while saving O'Neill is a good thing to do, you don't go behind the back of an allied government. Especially one you'd have extradition treaties with. Even taking that into account, you don't give a flagship to foreign officer, tactical doctrine, strategical objectives, emergency procedures, handling of logistic chains... all of this has to be learned before.
Review By [khaos] • Date [26 May 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Prologue" from Ramenth
Review:
Interesting story, though there are some conflicts with both the progression of the Startrek Universe, and logic. If Wesley had only just graduated Starfleet academy, as you said, but 25 years had passed since the Domninion War, it means he would have been in the Academy for 30 years, minimum.
Comments from author:
Erm, oops? I missed that one. Thanks for the catch. When I upload Ch5, i'll make the fix for the timeline error. Can't believe I missed that one. Good catch!
Review By [Ramenth] • Date [26 May 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 4" from Vhen
Review:
Freeborn? Highborn?

Great.. was someone in charge of this program a Battletech fan or something?
Comments from author:
Uhm, Battletech? Not that I'm aware of. The terms are pulled from history. Can I help it if I couldn't think of any other way to phrase it?
Review By [Vhen] • Date [26 May 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 4" from (Current Donor)RudesMom
Review:
Very interesting. I like the composition of Picard's new crew, it shouldn't raise an immediate red flag with the Federation.
Review By [(Current Donor)RudesMom] • Date [26 May 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from Morgomir
Review:
Great chapter. Keep up the good work.
Review By [Morgomir] • Date [18 May 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from khaos
Review:
I find it strange that Shepard spent 50 years building ships, didn't he get old and retired? It's the same problem with O'Neill and Landry, shouldn't they be dead by the time WW3 starts. Finally, WW3 starts in 2053 if my memory is correct, does it mean that they they had 60 years to do a full/partial disclosure of the Stargate and didn't do it? Why?

And I have a doubt against plan exodus, a military force primary goal is to protect both is institutions ans the civilian population of a country, not to exist on their own, and plan plan exodus does exactly that, what's the aim of preserving the part of the US military force if it's not to protect US population. All military force swear an oath to protect those, what happened to this oath?

Considering that Earth managed to survive a "first contact" with Goa'ulds and Vulcan, and Vulcans managed to uplift Earth again with a much lower tech than SGC, it would have made sense for the SGC forces to come back and help everyone.

Quote:
“Commander Tuvok, Lt. Commander Harry Kim, and Lt. Commander Tom Paris.”
“Alright. Stand by for transport.”
“Stan…”
And not waiting for the answer for essentially can be considered foreign dignitaries is the epitome of impoliteness.

And the Guillotine, while messier, is a much more humane way of executing someone compared to hanging (and the large percentage of people strangling to death instead of having their neck broken) or even lethal injection where the anaesthesia procedure is not 100% efficient, not to mention the electric chair. Historically speaking, the guillotine was introduced as a painless execution method which would apply for every social class.

Last of all, Woolsey was IOA, which means he was at an appointed position, not elected, neither was he promoted. As such, in a mostly military base he should not have gone beyond his appointment length. It would have been illegitimate.
Comments from author:
All valid points.
Woolsey is IOA, and it was an appointed position. But the Atlantis expedition had always been a civilian run expedition, not a military one. With no IOA left on Earth after the war, Woolsey falls back on the contingency plans that had been written by the IOA. While I am using aspects of SG:Universe, the one most glaring aspect of that show is that the IOA and the civilian contingent have tried once to forcibly ursurp the power away from the smaller military contingent. IOA is proving to be darker and darker. A legitimate TRUST, if you will.
Guillotine as a painless execution method eh? Try telling that to the loads of French citizens executed with a dull blade where sometimes two or three drops of the blade were necessary.
Sheppard spent 50 yrs...and so did O'Neill and Landry. Yeah, they did get old. Missed that line about Asgardian Life Extension treatments?
There's a lot more going on here than just a Lantean Alliance response to some left over Ori tech. Future chapters will reveal all of that. Just be patient.
Review By [khaos] • Date [18 May 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 1" from khaos
Review:
Sorry, but the whole people descended from Carter, O'Neil and Dex had me laughing, there are 3 to four new generation by century, assuming ten generations and an average of 2 children per generations, there would be more than one thousand descendants for each of the characters (actually less than 1000 since some of them could have married each other but there still would be a LOT of descendants), likewise physical resemblance between two people ten generations removed is more likely due to chance (ie. like someone looking like a celebrity by chance).

Otherwise, I don't remember a SG/ST crossover with ST and SG sharing a common story that has been well written, I hope that yours breaks the pattern.
Comments from author:
Very valid point there, descendant wise. Tried working out a 'family tree' and used 4-6 kids per 'family'...that tree got huge before I knew it, and I only did 4 gens. So while the characters may share a last name with some antecedent, I'm trying to make them unique. But let's just say that there are a lot of distant family relations in the Alliance?

As for the 2nd point, yeah, I can only hope this breaks the pattern. I'm trying hard to stay focused, but the next few weeks for me are going to be tough ones. I'll write when I can, and will try to stick to the once per week updates.
Review By [khaos] • Date [18 May 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from djhardim
Review:
Good chapter. Picard doesn't come off very well though. Considering O'Neill's background in history I wonder if the pre-service O'Neill would have gotten along with Picard.

I assume that O'Neill was needling Picard about his rank. The ranks of Captain and Colonel are equivalent in this case.
Review By [djhardim] • Date [17 May 10] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 1" from Drake
Review:
Well, the story has an interesting premise, but I would expect the Alliance to be a little more competent; as it is, O'Neill should be arrested for disobeying orders or sheer incompetence. We can discus the wisdom of ordering the ruse in the first place for a long time, and there are good arguments both ways, but that O'Neill didn't even try to follow orders (or broke down at the first minor challenge) breaks the story.

An example how the exchange should have gone:
J:“Colonel. It seems that a number of things you’ve said are telling me you’re being less than factual.”
O:"In what way, Admiral?"
J:"There is no way you could have developed so advanced technology."
O:"Really? And I assume you only use technology that humans invented, right?"
J:"Excuse me?"
O:"The whole technology base of the Federation was not developed by humans alone, was it? You have your Federation, we have our Alliance. I do not see how allies of either of us play a part in what we have discussed or need to discuss. If we sought to join you, yes, but after centuries our cultures will be so different that such a step would need careful consideration and study of our relevant histories. For that matter, we are happy in our Alliance."
J:"I still think you are not telling everything."
O:"And you are revealing all secrets of Earth and the Federation? Please, Admiral. We may have common roots, but as I said, we are essentially strangers. If we can build some trust and if my people decide to seek closer relation with our cradle, you may learn whatever you wish about our people. [There are still many bad feelings among our people regarding Earth; without follow up missions and additional supplies the early years were not easy, and even today our people have not forgotten. We should have, perhaps, but some things just never are.]"

The last part would be the only actual lie (and even then more of an exaggeration since many people would have been upset about the stupidity of the governments that led to the exodus), and any halfway competent officer should have prepared to this degree. When the decision was taken, they should have worked out a proper timeline for the whole story - everything else just makes them look utterly incompetent.

If the Lanteans decide to use the ruse, it should take a major effort from the ST contingent to learn the truth. Or a long time (before a Lantean finally messes up badly enough). Of course O'Neill facing a court martial over this could make an interesting plot point (no side plot since the guilty verdict would be pretty clear and he'd disappear from the story as soon as they returned home).

Speaking about incompetence: Why did O'Neill's mission just pick up military survivors? Earth recovered in just a few decades, so it should have been clear on sensors that large parts of the civilian populations were not or just lightly irradiated and could be evacuated as well. Why leave millions behind? I can't see the military ready and willing to violate their oaths that readily, either. The military is supposed to protect civilians after all. It would make more sense to leave the soldiers behind to take more civilians along...
For that matter, I would like to see how they grew their population from some fifty thousand to enough to become a major multi-galactic power in just four centuries. If they merged into a larger local population, sure, but as independent power? That'd require growth rates beyond anything in history - even US history with lots of immigrants. I'm not saying it's impossible, but it would be a mega project, sustained over centuries - a keystone of their culture. (At an insane 10%/year growth rate, without any deaths, it would take over 120 years to reach a population of 1 billion adults. For comparison the US population never grew more than 38%/decade, 3%/year, with immigration. At 3% the population would grow to just under 7 billion in the 400 years)


This story has good potential; I'm looking forward to see what you do with it.
Comments from author:
I'm not going to defend or attack O'Neill's actions. But here's his reasoning for military only rescues: The attack was a variant of DropShot (check out the SIOP warplan from the late 50's). And a variant on HenHouse as used in Trinity's Child (the book i think). The bunkers where the military with some civilian contractors were, would have been in more heavily radiated areas, and thus it would have been a death sentence for them to exit the bunker, hence their rescue. As for the subs at sea, One could imagine that a US sub docking at a us coastal sea port, would have been met by angry mobs of survivors for inflicting the war on them. A choice of remaining at sea and eventually dieing, or facing justifiably angry mobs. I would like to think that O'Neill did the only thing he could have by offering them a chance.

The Ruse. Yeah. that went badly. You'll get more explanations on O'Neill in the next few chapters. Major multi-galactic power in only 4 centuries. Hmm, yeah that could be a problem. Technically though, Earth would have had the same problem. I mean, going from bombed out technology centers to major space-fairing power in less than a century? Yeah ok. That's believable. I do believe this is why it's called fiction?
Review By [Drake] • Date [15 May 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 2" from musiclover
Review:
ok i found this pretty cool a good story for star trek
Review By [musiclover] • Date [15 May 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Page: 1 of 2 next end
StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking