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Review of chapter "Life Before" from serpentlady
Review:
I echo what you have gotten from your other reviewers: it seems very quick paced. I don't know if that is intentional or not.

Point of correction: it is not possible to measure an IQ of 200+. Most IQ tests top out around 170 - 180. Google search "Mega Society", which is an IQ society comparable to Mensa. Mensa will admit people who score in the top 2% of IQ tests. The Mega Society only admits people who score in the top 0.0001%.

Small points like that can throw a reader off a story, as this did to me. It makes you as the author seem hyperbolic and uncaring of suspension of disbelief.
Review By [serpentlady] • Date [15 May 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "The End" from tonisimone
Review:
this story feels like your writing out the plot summary of series of novels. it doesn't feel like a story until after Rodney meets Kolya, even then you flash between choppy dialog & back-story.

the plot over all was interesting, but you need to flesh it out.

Also Sam, Martouf/Lantash, Anubis, Jack, Daniel, John, Kolya & Xander!! it's way to many.
Review By [tonisimone] • Date [26 Mar 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "The End" from serenityselena
Review:
oh my ....
how complicated can things get ....
poor guys...
Review By [serenityselena] • Date [18 Feb 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "The End" from justmeherenobodyelse
Review:
I have to agree with other reviewers that this doesn't read like a completed story, but more like a proposal or outline for a story.

I've said it to many before and I'm sure that I'll say it again: *Show*, don't tell.

In the space of less than 5000 words, you have Rodney in and out of love with Sam, Daniel, Jack, (the Tokra symbiotes?), Anubis, John (sorta), Kolya, and Xander (I may have left some out) ... there is simply no way to show how someone came to fall in love, the relationship, the ending, beginning to fall for another, etc. in so few words. You could be the best writer ever and still not be able to do that. One relationship (even poly-amorous), possibly. You might even manage to do two relationships justice, if you start from the end of an existing relationship, show the ending, and falling in love again.

Minimalism in fiction can work, when done well. It isn't here.

What happened to Rodney's earth-born children? They're in the story, then they disappear without so much as a sentence to say that they are being cared for by Rodney's sister or Sam's brother. Not cool.

I actually like the character of Rodney, in all his blustering, snarky, brilliant, egotistical glory. I even like him at his most unlikeable in canon. However, I can't like the Rodney that you've written.
Review By [justmeherenobodyelse] • Date [2 Nov 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "The End" from zafaran
Review:
This isn't a flame, though you won't be happy with what I have to say. This isn't really a story. What you have here is a detailed outline for what could be a decently long story. What's missing are all the scenes the outline suggests should exist, but they need to be filled in with description, action, and dialogue. Zafaran
Review By [zafaran] • Date [1 Nov 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "The End" from Blaire
Review:
well, the concept is interesting. but that all it seems to be - a story concept or a very general plot outline.
Review By [Blaire] • Date [31 Oct 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Completed Love" from cathyoden
Review:
This is interesting, but not one word of dialog? I feel like I've read four chapters of set-up and I'm getting depressed at how many "love of his life's" one person can have much less lose.
Review By [cathyoden] • Date [11 Jul 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "New Beginning" from Neverwillmini
Review:
Interesting idea but it's too fast. Also, just how many 'love of his life' relationships is Rodney going to go through before Xander even enters the picture?

btw - he used 'Alexander' as a name for two of his children? One as a middle name, one as a first?
Review By [Neverwillmini] • Date [8 Jul 10] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "New Beginning" from LianneB
Review:
I hope you'll be fleshing things out a little more.

Also, I would recommend a proofreader. For example, in the first chapter you wrote

"Rodney,Sam and Jack stepped threw onto Aboydus"

The planet was Abydos, and threw is the past of throw (ie, I threw the ball). I think you meant through. Similar spelling mistakes are everywhere. (dacended instead of descended?). A good proofreader/beta would help with that.
Review By [LianneB] • Date [7 Jul 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "New Beginning" from Rod
Review:
This is interesting, but it all reads like a (detailed) plot synopsis rather than the story itself. Not that I'm objecting -- I rather like synopses -- but it is somewhat unexpected.
Comments from author:
All of my first chapters are like that. Thanks for reviewing
Review By [Rod] • Date [7 Jul 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Rebirth and Renewal" from Izabela
Review:
I like it. An interesting idea, but what happened to the children of Rodney and Sam? Who is their guardian, may it be Xander?
Review By [Izabela] • Date [7 Jul 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Life Before" from kayron
Review:
If the main characters are dead, isn't this the end? However, when dealing with the Stargate program and Scoobies, people do tend to come back. So, I'll wait and see how this works out.
Comments from author:
Quite right. Never believe their dead till its been at least a year. Thank you for reviewing
Review By [kayron] • Date [6 Jul 10] • Rating [9 out of 10]
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