Review of chapter "Blessings and Threats" from TorturedAngel
Very good ending! Loved the story, thank you! :)
Comments from author:
Glad you liked it
Review By [TorturedAngel
] • Date [8 Jan 14] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Finding Love" from musiclover
pretty cool this one
Review By [musiclover
] • Date [8 Jul 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Finding Love" from AnnaTheGreat
I hate to be the one to break bad news and I hope you will consider this as the constructive criticism it was meant to be, but you pretty much broke the cardinal rule of fiction writing: "Show and tell", as in you do a whole lot of telling and not a lot of showing. That means the story holds little to no action and has not flow whatsoever. You don't even have any dialogue to break the monotony.
If I were you, I'd start over (especially since I think a great story is in there; it's just the tecnique that's lacking) and either make it plain from the beginning that this first chapter is all background which you're getting out there before starting the story for real, or rewrite what you have and make it a proper story rather than just summary.
Hope I didn't offend you with all this, I'm just trying to help.
Good luck with everything.
Review By [AnnaTheGreat
] • Date [7 Jul 10] • Not Rated