Large PrintHandheldAudioRating
using
 paypal
Twisting The Hellmouth Crossing Over Awards - Results
Rules for Challenges

Our World

StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from ShyBob
Review:
I liked it! The time-lapse for each of the girls seemed choppy at first glance, but it built into a steady flow that was easy to follow. The tie-in for the final fight scene was very well executed. Take that, first weevil!
Review By [ShyBob] • Date [13 Mar 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from LFW
Review:
A bit of a difficult read but well pieced together.
The ketchup is a great touch and icebreaker.
Awesome ending. Not perfect, but such is life.
Review By [LFW] • Date [8 Jan 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from (Current Donor)dogbertcarroll
Review:
I liked it!
Comments from author:
Why thank you. I recently enjoyed reading several of your fics as well.
Review By [(Current Donor)dogbertcarroll] • Date [15 Jul 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from BrinLondofive
Review:
*tips hat*
Comments from author:
*Raises Cane*
Review By [BrinLondofive] • Date [12 Jul 10] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from oldgirllost
Review:
Very very good. Grabbing in fact. Parts could be longer and the transitions could be better. If a sequel were done it would have to be something other than a strict following of the Angel plot line which only worked because of the Angel/ Buffy/ Spike triangle. In this version Angel and Faith don't have that close a relationship. (That I could see. ) Send our Hero off to somewhere he can't contact Faith and the others. Past. Future. Other Dimension. Other world.
?????
Comments from author:
See, thing is that I never watched Angel. too damn broody. I got to like, episode 5 or 6 and stopped.
Review By [oldgirllost] • Date [12 Jul 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from bucksavage
Review:
Not bad at all. I like the flashback scenes but he dotted lines make them seem far more jumbled that they are. The story could stand a little fleshing out and whatnot, but on the whole the idea is sound and you have the makings of a really good fic here. Sequel? I hope so.
Review By [bucksavage] • Date [12 Jul 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from missinglink
Review:
Nice. Maybe a little too disjointed in the hopping from frame to frame. My best suggestion to make it better is to not let any moment be just one line. Instead make it a paragraph if not two. Whether it contain dialogue or just be a description of a scene, it needs to be fleshed out a bit more to also allow the reader a chance to imerse in the moment they are jumping from. While film can do the brief bit thing rapidly, writing must always be about more than just putting the moment there. It should describe the moment and possibly impart the emotion in those few short paragraphs. Think about the line a picture's worth a thousand words and apply it.

Not to say you did bad here. The idea works well and especially once you take things into the actual fight with Xander and the Turok Han, it flows well and seems ideally paced and played out. But the beginning is the struggle for this piece as it is written.

Nice idea and nice mix. Keep it up. Later.
Comments from author:
Well, 2 things:1. The plot bunny kinda developed in my head out of order. At first I wanted a "Xander dresses as the nameless hero" but I wanted to keep the feel of the movie, not just write a super Xander fic. So I had the ending in my head and had to think of a way to get there. 2. I wanted it to be kind of choppy at the begining then tighter at the end to show Xander's growing resolve to do what he had to. And as to the reason for not describing the places, Xander was remembering the people and what they meant to him, not where they were. I understand that this method of writing alienates people with only a passing familiarity with the series but I feel justified in that this is a Buffy centered fanfic site.

Thanks for the constructive review. Its always nice to have to defend yourself against well thought out arguments.

~King of No Pants
Review By [missinglink] • Date [11 Jul 10] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from BlueEyedJedi
Review:
The Hero must come back. Spike did, Xander is more worthy of it than him, so..... Sequel.
Comments from author:
I dunno. This is just something I wrote during lunch to put off mowing the lawn. Maybe if I get enough of a response or if someone else wants to write it. I also don't really have enough familiarity with Angel to write Xander for that period, serious or otherwise. If I did, it would mostly be Xander annoying Angel and Crew until they gave in and called Faith for him. And then Faith screaming at him for trying to play the hero and dying. Meh.

~King of No Pants
Review By [BlueEyedJedi] • Date [11 Jul 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from darkcarnage
Review:
This was a good story. The only complaint I have would be how the flashback and the main story seemed to blend together. Other then that the story was great.

I hope you write a longer sequel to this in the future.
Review By [darkcarnage] • Date [11 Jul 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Thewander
Review:
nice would have liked it fleshed out more. but good all the same.
Review By [Thewander] • Date [11 Jul 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from tactless
Review:
Nicely done, bravo.
Review By [tactless] • Date [11 Jul 10] • Not Rated
StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking