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Charmed Justice Knight

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Review of chapter "Arguments and Connections" from StriderMew
Review:
mmm you need a revision of your revision... if you want constructive crit on your story:

http://www.brucehale.com/howto.htm

yes... it REALLY needs some work.
Review By [StriderMew] • Date [26 Jan 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Decisions to be Made and Love Found?" from VillageOrchid
Review:
Erm. Okay. Family, kids...check. Own destinies check.
Review By [VillageOrchid] • Date [26 Jan 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Superheroes and Love" from VillageOrchid
Review:
Well that was sudden.
Review By [VillageOrchid] • Date [26 Jan 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Hellmouth Knight" from VillageOrchid
Review:
Self-contained this makes sense... connected to the previous story.. not so much.
Review By [VillageOrchid] • Date [26 Jan 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Superheroes and Love" from purrfus
Review:
You have some interesting ideas.
Review By [purrfus] • Date [28 Oct 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Meetings" from Rune
Review:
I like the way the Xan man dealt with batsy. Other than that I feel the story needs work but write it all first then rewrite. Sometime I'll have to reread it and make notes. Later. :)
Review By [Rune] • Date [11 Oct 10] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Decisions to be Made and Love Found?" from missinglink
Review:
Haven't read this til now and I am seeing the same as some of the other reviewers. There is a vast difference between a story and a story outline. What you mainly have written here is an outline for a story you want to tell. It is all exposition with little real time action or dialogue. I don't mind if you want to make Xander the wealthiest or most powerful character, but without a reason or motivation for your readers to relate to then your character has little connect to and be motivated to continue reading. Most stories start either as just notes or an outline like what you have and then use that as a road map to direct the action of the story they actually write. Your first chapter could be an introduction to the character that is key and maybe either his meeting with Buffy in this alternative world you are creating or at a juncture where it deviates from cannon like the halloween episode. From there you write a story that covers time, but also delves into stories and situations that again either deviate specifically from canon as we know it or are critical junctures for your character's development. Seriously the first chapter here is a series if you were interested in telling it as drawn out as it likely should be. The second series would be his time in DCU. I'm not even gonna touch the whole 4 guys and Diana relationship that somehow came about from nowhere.

Look, this isn't bashing, but constructive criticism so that you can hopefully be able to understand what others are maybe not liking with your writing as well as maybe give you an idea on how to better execute your ideas into full blown stories that will knock some socks off.

P.S. forewarned, avoid scenarios where you make a character have "every power", because that means you have to not only be supremely knowledgeable about every character in the arena chosen, but also work them in and make sure that some don't clash with others. I mean with the mutant powers some are physically based like Beast and Angel, yet not on Xander. Decisions you make for characters have consquences and the big one is you have to be pretty knowledgeable about what you give them to work with.
Comments from author:
Thank you for the ideas, that was what I was looking for. I will try to fix the story during my move. Perhaps you could read it when its done and you can tell me if its good. As this review was helpful
Review By [missinglink] • Date [26 Sep 10] • Rating [3 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Decisions to be Made and Love Found?" from Blackguard
Review:
Okay, this has gone from being a story summary, to just plain wacky. very little of it makes sense and again, your still not actually telling a story, just giving people a summary of events. I highly suggest you find some way to overhaul this story so that it is actually that, a story. The basic premise you have isn't bad, and could actually become a very good story if a little more work was put into it.
Review By [Blackguard] • Date [9 Sep 10] • Rating [1 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Superheroes and Love" from eriktheviking
Review:
An interesting development, but it feels more highlights than story.
Review By [eriktheviking] • Date [16 Jul 10] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Hellmouth Knight" from eriktheviking
Review:
An interesting biography.
Review By [eriktheviking] • Date [14 Jul 10] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Hellmouth Knight" from Neverwillmini
Review:
Xander is unbelievably powered up from the start, you've reused names and some facts from another of your in-progress stories which is confusing; is this part of that story or an AU of the same idea? This chapter reads more like a timeline or outline of events since it covers so much and is so short. Was killing off Xander's family supposed to build his character because he didn't have to survive the Harris' this go-around? Seems to me that having parents around that were 'in the know' of the supernatural world would have made it a much more interesting story.

In the first paragraph, you mention Xander is nine and Dawn is his month-old sister, but then near the end of the chapter during Glory you say she just appeared a few months earlier. Even in your story timeline that would have been a decade or more (from when Xander was nine to a couple years post High School). I also feel that Xander's name is ridiculously long; he can be related to all those people but there's no need to hyphenate all their names into his. The names will only mean something to society/political hounds and ass kissers like Travers, while none of the rest of his friends/acquintances will care.
Review By [Neverwillmini] • Date [14 Jul 10] • Rating [1 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Hellmouth Knight" from Blackguard
Review:
uhh, this isn't a story dude, its a summary of a story.
Review By [Blackguard] • Date [13 Jul 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Hellmouth Knight" from Gideon
Review:
So is this the whole story or just a summary. It seems to cover a whole lot of stuff. Also Xander has all the powers of all Marvel characters and is the richest person in the world? That seems a tad overpowered. It might be better to start slow and just tell the story of how Xander lived with just one set of powers.
Review By [Gideon] • Date [13 Jul 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Hellmouth Knight" from JoeHundredaire
Review:
It still tells more than it shows. It's like the blurb that should be on the back of a book, not the inside of a book.
Review By [JoeHundredaire] • Date [13 Jul 10] • Not Rated
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