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Review of chapter "Chapter One" from bradsan
Review:
please update. such a good start
Review By [bradsan] • Date [26 Nov 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from divaslayer
Review:
Awesome first chapter, I loved it. I can't wait to read more.

Dani
Review By [divaslayer] • Date [6 Aug 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from redfeathers
Review:
extremely mary-sueish, completely off cannon, and horrible dialog. dumbledore would a. never reveal her so openly as voldemort's daughter and b. never in hell let greyback into hogwarts.

my guess is that you're a new timer; i wouldn't worry too much though, in a few years if you keep up with ff you'll get over the "i have to make the main character the most beautiful and powerful character ever". a word of advice? secrecy and character flaws are what makes good stories so riveting.
Review By [redfeathers] • Date [27 Jul 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from FireWolfe
Review:
This looks interesting. Does Spike have the ring to stay out in the daylight?

Fire
Review By [FireWolfe] • Date [23 Jul 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Dannibaby
Review:
I like this story. Buffy probably has to act that way because who is going to be nice to Voldermorts daughter so well done on the bitchyness lol :)
Review By [Dannibaby] • Date [23 Jul 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from (Recent Donor)Luna
Review:
Whoooooa

A few things:

Interesting premise.

Greyback would NEVER be allowed there. Spike, I can see. The evilest werewolf who loves biting kids? NUNCA!

Suddenly, a strange hissing could be heard, or at least that's what it sounded like to anyone who wasn't Harry or Buffy, but to them, it sounded like "Greetings Mistress." Two small reptilian heads appeared from both her sleeves and out slithered to small snakes. They curled themselves around Buffy's wrists with the heads facing towards Harry and they continued to hiss quietly to each other, obviously now comfortable and content to stay on her wrists until she sent them away.
----------------------- This was a cool idea and a cool description of the snakes!

Not even the mighty Harry Potter can defeat her--- Well that is depressing!

Although this cannot be said for her fate--- So, hope exists…

There are a few things I dislike:
--In all honesty, Voldemort’s kid would NOT get bodyguards
--While I understand you had here arrive in the middle of the feast to make it dramatic, the way she commanded the attention and likely controlled Harry Potter is unrealistic.

And most importantly, I dislike that this is NOT BUFFY. She is not acting Buffy-like at all. Yes, you could say its because she was raised by Voldemort cuz, hey! His kid here!, but if the characters walks like an OC and talks like an OC, then guess what? Its an OC. I feel like you are just using ‘Buffy’s’ name and looks because you like her but what you really want to do is use an OC to explore Hogwarts accepting Voldemort’s kid and all the chaos that it can bring.

Of course, this is only the first chapter. Maybe she *will* be more Buffy-ish later. Maybe you’ll reveal that she is still the slayer or that she was kidnapped from Sunnydale a year ago and went through a great deal of torture and mind control to turn dark. Who knows.

Now, I’m not saying this isn’t an interesting concept to explore (having his kid here all big and bad) but unless you make it like Buffy it just looks like an excuse to get away with using an OC but still having people attracted to reading it (cuz we all know most people hate reading about Original Characters *sigh* Even though I like them sometimes)

Just some thoughts, since you asked…

(Scored 5 cuz major OOC-ness, though if it was just an OC then I'd say a 7. Good overall writing style)
Comments from author:
Thanks for the review, very helpful.
Just to clear some things up though.
As you said yourself, this is only the first chapter, so unfortunately, unless i made it extremely long, i wouldn't be able to tell you all the details of Buffy's new personality,but...
AS you reviewed, I'll tell you this.
If you were Voldemort's daughter and you had seen what he could do. Seen how he had tortured people, how easily he kills people. Surely you would be scared of him, and want to do whatever he asked you to do. However, this is Buffy (the slayer still) we're talking about, and I'm not just going to write about a weak little damsel in distress who needs someone stronger to get her out of her situation. Buffy knows that she is not YET strong enough to defeat her father, but with the right friends (hint, hint), and all the knowledge that the restricted section can give her, she can become strong enough. In the meantime, she has to keep up a facade. This facade would allow the Slytherins to trust her, and keep everyone else away, or at least keep them in fear of her, so that she can find out how to kill her father, with no questions asked.
You will find this out in more depth within the next couple of chapters, and maybe I'll get our Buffy's more loving, carefree side to show.
Remember, the key word has always been facade.
My sincerest thanks for your review.
p.s. I liked the snakes part too, i thought it was just something interesting i could add in.
Review By [(Recent Donor)Luna] • Date [22 Jul 10] • Rating [5 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from GypsyDruid
Review:
Hmm, interesting start
Review By [GypsyDruid] • Date [22 Jul 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Wise
Review:
...
...
In a word: bad.
Not unsalvageable, but bad.

I recommend revision with an eye for making sure your characters (particularly Buffy) act in ways in which human beings are actually likely to act.
Comments from author:
I'm glad that you are critical, but within my story, most of the Buffy universe characters (mainly Buffy) will appear completely different to how they usually are.
Also, you have said that they are not acting human. In regards to that, all i can say to help you change your mind about this story, is that Voldemort could be classed as human, yet very rarely does he act like it. Why does being sadistic and evil make you inhuman anyway? Surely if you grew up around Voldemort, you couldn't help but take on some of his character, especially those you would see often. In addition, Buffy is still the slayer, amybe she had just decided to let her demon (which the slayer surely is) out a little more, meaning you could actually say that she wasn't fully human.
Thank You for your review, i hope that this has swayed you slightly in regards to your opinion on my story.
Review By [Wise] • Date [22 Jul 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Cmiller
Review:
this seems interesting. I think you should keep at it. and I look forward to more.
Review By [Cmiller] • Date [22 Jul 10] • Not Rated
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