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Fiery Passion

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Review of chapter "Connection" from Oxnate
5 chapters and no reviews, so I figured I would review.

I'll be honest, I only got 4 paragraphs into the first chapter. Writing errors, misspellings, and a non-canon homosexual relationship between two formerly straight characters with zero explanation. It's the lack of explanation that really kills things. Tell people why and most are able to suspend disbelief, but this doesn't cut it.

Granted, this was a many years ago, so I skipped to the last chapter. Your writing mechanics have improved greatly - probably about 90% fewer errors. What confuses me is why this formerly straight character turned gay now has a child with Jean Grey. Unfortunately the writing in the earlier chapters isn't going to let me read to find out why.

I would suggest going back and editing your earlier chapters. You can even add to them. Such as reasons why John and Erik became lovers.

Good Luck.
Review By [Oxnate] • Date [3 Dec 13] • Not Rated
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