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Hellmouth Knight

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Review of chapter "Coming to Terms" from RedCalypso
Review:
The first few paragraphs make it clear that this is a really over-the-top Marty Stu. It has potential, if you just hadn't made Xander super-rich, super-talented and super-perfect. I would like to point two things out. One, since he's the richest boy in the world, Cordelia will be falling all over herself to go out with him. Two, why is the richest boy in the world living in a tiny town like Sunnydale, instead of NYC, London or Paris?
Review By [RedCalypso] • Date [7 Jun 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Coming to Terms" from VillageOrchid
Review:
I had a hard time following the conversation/trance with the Powers.
Review By [VillageOrchid] • Date [26 Jan 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Loss" from VillageOrchid
Review:
This part of the AU confuses me. So there's no Willow at all, and Xander is 16 plus in the second year of high school or part of the AU is that he's a junior when Buffy finally comes to the hellmouth -- OR -- this is the "costume" origin that Xander Harris wore on Halloween... that would make more sense.
Review By [VillageOrchid] • Date [26 Jan 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Coming to Terms" from Doodle
Review:
Excellent chapter.
Review By [Doodle] • Date [21 Jan 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Coming to Terms" from JasonBarnett
Review:
you are aware that Buffy was drafted into the battle against evil against her will correct? Unlike Xander who forced his way in.
Review By [JasonBarnett] • Date [21 Jan 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Coming to Terms" from JediKnight
Review:
Interesting story but you need to watch some of your grammar and use more dialog and watch your storyline
Review By [JediKnight] • Date [21 Jan 11] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Becoming More" from LordSia
Review:
So, wait: you take this wannabe-Perfect Alexander, have him commit suicide over the death of his sister (ignoring that he had another, even younger sister who needed him)... At thirteen. Yet somehow they competed (and won) in both the summer and the winter Olympics.
Then, WHIPLASH! He's now Xander, goofy doofus extraodrinaire, with a childhood buddy-best-pal out of nowhere, and he lives on... The Hellmouth! Where he, the heir (make that owner) of a multi-billion dollar estate/Olympic gold medalist/renown artist spends his nights fighting the things that go *bump* in the night...
And now it's Halloween! He's now nigh-Omnipotent! Bow before his Xanderness! Bow, I say!
...
Either you are simply put horrible at writing actual coherent stories, or you forgot the crackfic note at the top. The bonus points are for the dual blessings of decent spelling and grammar, but other than that...
Review By [LordSia] • Date [26 Nov 10] • Rating [3 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Becoming More" from Rune
Review:
Adding some power to Xander or just changing him a bit on Halloween is a good way to start a story. Super-Uber-Mega-Powering him has been done too, it is just hard to do well. The problem with giving Xander too much power is the power scale in the Buffy universe. On the scale of comic books the Buffy characters are normally kinda weak. Most if not all comic heros and heroines could defeat a vamp without any real problems. Giving super powers to the Scoobys makes things too easy for them. Pagan has power but no weaknesses. That almost makes Pagan a god, that means the only other gods will be any challenge for him.

I am looking forward to how you will finish this fic.
Review By [Rune] • Date [28 Oct 10] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Becoming More" from VillageOrchid
Review:
Err. Gold medals or do they have god ones in this universe?
A little confused why you needed to give regular Xander this background if he was going to end up merged with Pagan.
Review By [VillageOrchid] • Date [28 Oct 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Loss" from Rune
Review:
Interesting start. I'm looking forward to see where you go with this.
Comments from author:
thanks
Review By [Rune] • Date [11 Oct 10] • Rating [8 out of 10]
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